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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That this transgender person..

613 replies

ClassSize2022 · 20/07/2022 05:11

Should not have been in the ladies changing room? Especially if naked from the waist down.

I can imagine being very frightened in this situation as a biological woman having to share a changing room with a man.

NHS transgender worker wins payout after boss asked about underwear

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/3e15f7c2-0779-11ed-a986-fc91b4ad48f0?shareToken=b22ada0c3a8e04d703e4eb229fb47802

transgender worker wins payout after boss asked about underwear www.thetimes.co.uk/article/3e15f7c2-0779-11ed-a986-fc91b4ad48f0?shareToken=b22ada0c3a8e04d703e4eb229fb47802 Times article

OP posts:
OlympicProcrastinator · 20/07/2022 12:42

If someone sends me an unsolicited dick pick, I can complain.
If I am flashed in the street I can call the police and the man could be arrested.
If he flashes his cock at me in a female changing room I suddenly have to feel completely differently about it, accept it or I’m transphobic.

Righto 👍

Discovereads · 20/07/2022 12:42

CrossStichQueen · 20/07/2022 12:35

There was no claim by a woman that she saw a penis in the womens changing room.

Naked from the waist down is HR speak for had his cock out.

That aside the behaviour of the TW has been appalling throught their employment. I dont believe they ever had intentions of working full time and consistently brought up bullying claims whenever their absences or working hours was discussed. The judgement shows the incorrect claims made by the TW frankly many read as lies to me.

Whatever, don’t agree. You’re using imagination to speculate.

You’re also wrong that they brought up bullying whenever their working hours were discussed. It was the opposite, their working hours were discussed after each bullying incident, not before. (Apart from the onboarding discussions and OH assessment prior to their first day of work)

The judgement actually found that most of the TWs claims did happen, but that they were not discriminatory as in they did not happen because of her gender reassignment status. That’s not saying the TW was lying.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 20/07/2022 12:42

Isn't it extremely odd that the claimant based their accusation on Mrs Cook's helpful note, and accused Mrs Cook herself?

bellinisurge · 20/07/2022 12:43

"Males who identify as trans are the safest demographic in the UK. "
Like priests and social workers, you mean? As if anyone in that role would take advantage of the access they get? We must always believe someone who says they are ok if they have a lanyard or wear a special uniform.

Maybe you haven't heard about Karen White?

Conflictedunicorn · 20/07/2022 12:43

@HackneyMum1 why are you so invested in allowing males into female spaces despite the fact this would cause distress and discomfort to many females?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 20/07/2022 12:43

So if mrs cook was so helpful to make this note,

Poor old Mrs Cook got accused for her troubles.

SoupDragon · 20/07/2022 12:44

Discovereads · 20/07/2022 12:29

There was no claim by a woman that she saw a penis in the womens changing room.

What do you suppose this meant then?

An employment tribunal in Leeds was told that the transgender woman — who cannot be identified – was quizzed by a manager about her underwear after concerns were raised that she had been naked from the waist down in the women’s changing room.

BoredofthisCrap7 · 20/07/2022 12:44

The incidence of burglaries in my neighbourhood is very low indeed.

The stats prove this.

Do you know what? I still lock my door at night.
It mitigates against any possibility that someone might break in.

Stopping people with penises from using female only spaces mitigates the possibility that even one woman will be sexually assaulted.

And even if NO women are being actually sexually assaulted, the FACT THAT THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE OR SAY NO, OR CANNOT USE A MIXED SEX SPACE DUE TO RELIGION OR FAITH OR PREVIOUS TRAUMA should be enough for you.
Why isn't it?

CrossStichQueen · 20/07/2022 12:45

Isn't it extremely odd that the claimant based their accusation on Mrs Cook's helpful note, and accused Mrs Cook herself?

No more odd than being 85% sure one of the posh English voices you heard was that of a woman you had apparently never heard speak given that said woman spoke with a strong non English accent 😁

Also how did the TW know it was 2 women speaking?

Masterblasterjammin · 20/07/2022 12:45

I’m actually sickened that the tribunal accepted the alleged verbal abuse as having happened, despite not a single shred of evidence, and a claimant who it has been acknowledged, by the very same judge, was not the most truthful of people.

And yet people and the courts easily dismiss women who have been raped and abused, and who have evidence to show for it, every single day.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 20/07/2022 12:45

"Males who identify as trans are the safest demographic in the UK. "

She means that they are at low risk of being murdered.

Conflictedunicorn · 20/07/2022 12:45

OlympicProcrastinator · 20/07/2022 12:42

If someone sends me an unsolicited dick pick, I can complain.
If I am flashed in the street I can call the police and the man could be arrested.
If he flashes his cock at me in a female changing room I suddenly have to feel completely differently about it, accept it or I’m transphobic.

Righto 👍

That’s what @Discovereads and @HackneyMum1 would like to happen. Apparently males are completely allowed to flash their penises with impunity in front of unwilling women as long as they say the magic words

Discovereads · 20/07/2022 12:45

Masterblasterjammin · 20/07/2022 12:32

@Discovereads
’. Nor did she give the impression Mrs Westwood had behaved inappropriately or pressured her to return to full-time hours or that this was the focus of the meeting. Indeed, in the evening on 4 August 2020 she asked for the rest of the week off as compassionate leave. Mrs Westwood did not immediately see the email, but Mr Swallow replied the following morning. In a response to him, the Claimant wrote that she appreciated his and Mrs Westwood’s “support and kindness”’

There we go, I can copy and paste too. The claimant did ask for compassionate leave. Which you have said was not true, and tired to prove this by disingenuously posting a different part of the judgement.

I never said the claimant did not ask for compassionate leave. I said the claimant was put on leave of absence after the transphobic conversation incident while the investigation was ongoing, which was true.

A poster said the above wasn’t true and posted where the claimant had also asked for compassionate leads….which was incorrect.

But I never said that it was not true that the claimant asked for compassionate leave.

AlisonDonut · 20/07/2022 12:45

bellinisurge · 20/07/2022 12:43

"Males who identify as trans are the safest demographic in the UK. "
Like priests and social workers, you mean? As if anyone in that role would take advantage of the access they get? We must always believe someone who says they are ok if they have a lanyard or wear a special uniform.

Maybe you haven't heard about Karen White?

By safest demographic it means that they are not routinely attacked and murdered like your common old fashioned female. Or male.

Discovereads · 20/07/2022 12:47

SoupDragon · 20/07/2022 12:44

What do you suppose this meant then?

An employment tribunal in Leeds was told that the transgender woman — who cannot be identified – was quizzed by a manager about her underwear after concerns were raised that she had been naked from the waist down in the women’s changing room.

It means the media twisted what was actually written in the Tribunal judgement. Please go read it.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 20/07/2022 12:47

Masterblasterjammin · 20/07/2022 12:45

I’m actually sickened that the tribunal accepted the alleged verbal abuse as having happened, despite not a single shred of evidence, and a claimant who it has been acknowledged, by the very same judge, was not the most truthful of people.

And yet people and the courts easily dismiss women who have been raped and abused, and who have evidence to show for it, every single day.

Me too.

CrossStichQueen · 20/07/2022 12:49

never said the claimant did not ask for compassionate leave. I said the claimant was put on leave of absence after the transphobic conversation incident while the investigation was ongoing, which was true.

Again not true.
The claiment was given 1 day off the 30th July after stating that they were upset and at risk of self harm the investigation had not even started at this point as stated in the investigators email to the TW confirming their 1 day absence.
You said the TW was granted leave while the investigation happened which is not true as I have pointed out.

Conflictedunicorn · 20/07/2022 12:52

Discovereads · 20/07/2022 12:47

It means the media twisted what was actually written in the Tribunal judgement. Please go read it.

Hahaha. So now the big bad media are misreporting it and only you are the voice of truth? Really now, it’s just getting sad.

Discovereads · 20/07/2022 12:53

@TheUnexpectedPickle
This person appears to have just been standing there with their penis out- and apparently then jokingly said that they'd taken their pants off because they were hot.

No, that’s not what happened at all. You are mixing up two separate incidents.
The underwear comment was alleged to have happened when everyone was fully clothed not in the changing room on a very hot day. But only one person heard it and the TW denies it happening. The person who heard it said it was not sexual and at no time did she feel it was a sexual comment. The Tribunal found that it had happened, so it happened.

The second incident was the TWs manager received a concern from one colleague that the TW had been “naked from the waist down in the changing room” (note, not seen naked from the waist down, and no mention of a penis). The Tribunal did not address whether this happened or not, so it is up to interpretation.

Discovereads · 20/07/2022 12:55

Conflictedunicorn · 20/07/2022 12:52

Hahaha. So now the big bad media are misreporting it and only you are the voice of truth? Really now, it’s just getting sad.

No, I’m not the voice of truth, the Tribunal judgement is the closest thing to that which is why I’m asking you to read it. I’m not saying believe me personally, I’m saying read the Tribunals judgement.

Sorefrog · 20/07/2022 12:55

Allthegoodnamestakken · 20/07/2022 07:07

The issue here is that the women where uncomfortable and it seems there was no need to be getting fully naked. How many vaginas where on show in the same changing room? I would bet good money on 0.
I really feel for the woman because I have experience similar, while doing my masters degree I would go swimming weekly in the university pool (also open to the public) in the evening there was 3 one hour lane swimming hour slots, women only, men only and mixed as well as 3 sets of changing rooms women, men and mixed. This was a very 'woke' university. Every single week I went to the women only session there was a transwoman getting full frontal naked in the womens changing room, I must have seen that penis 25 times over the year, not once did I see a vagina. The changing rooms where open plan with open showers as well as 2 cubicles with showers. Every single week this 'woman' would strip fully naked, force their penis into a very tight black costume and then when the hour was up strip fully naked again and shower nude in the open showers. We where repeatedly told there was nothing the university pool could do because they where inclusive.
I do believe there are many genuine trans people, who do not go out their way to make woman uncomfortable and deserve to be included. I believe those people would use the mixed changing room, the cubicle shower or at very least covered themselves with a towel like the woman do. However with this obsession with inclusivity women are being left open for advantages to be taken.

This ^
I’m in my 40s. I have used dozens of female changing rooms at school, at swimming pools, at gyms, at clothes shops. I’ve never seen nude lower halves. In fact I’ve very rarely seen nude upper halves. From senior school all girls learn to to do the bra trick so that they can change into/out of swimming costumes without exposing themselves if there are no cubicles available. I know that some countries are much more open about nudity in changing rooms and saunas but it’s not the norm here.

I’ve showered at the gym several times a week for the best part of 15 years and I don’t come out of the cubicle without a hair turbie on, a towel wrapped around me and flip flops on my feet!

CrossStichQueen · 20/07/2022 12:56

While I agree that the tribunals acceptance of the conversation and 2 notes as happened is annoying, I can see why as the investigation carried out by the trust did not prove it didn't happen only that there was no way of knowing who did it.

I think the judgement is not a win for the TW as it paints a very bleak picture of them as unprofessional and frankly a liar whose attitude towards employers and colleagues could be costly and time consuming with no benefit.

HackneyMum1 · 20/07/2022 12:58

Conflictedunicorn · 20/07/2022 12:43

@HackneyMum1 why are you so invested in allowing males into female spaces despite the fact this would cause distress and discomfort to many females?

I'm not. You've simply jumped to that conclusion yourself. It's quite a jump to make.

PurpleDaisies · 20/07/2022 12:58

I have used dozens of female changing rooms at school, at swimming pools, at gyms, at clothes shops. I’ve never seen nude lower halves. In fact I’ve very rarely seen nude upper halves.

Lucky you! My previous two gyms have had very naked changing rooms with women chatting topless and moisturising starkers. I’m far too uptight for all that!

Discovereads · 20/07/2022 12:58

CrossStichQueen · 20/07/2022 12:49

never said the claimant did not ask for compassionate leave. I said the claimant was put on leave of absence after the transphobic conversation incident while the investigation was ongoing, which was true.

Again not true.
The claiment was given 1 day off the 30th July after stating that they were upset and at risk of self harm the investigation had not even started at this point as stated in the investigators email to the TW confirming their 1 day absence.
You said the TW was granted leave while the investigation happened which is not true as I have pointed out.

It started on 29 July, the day it was reported.