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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Cleaner and her child

162 replies

Ladyof2022 · 19/07/2022 19:28

I have a cleaner because I am elderly and physically disabled. Current one is about 30 with a child aged four. She answered my advert for someone to clean for 4 hours once a fortnight. She told me she has a 4 year old but his dad has him all day every Friday, so we agreed she would work for me on that day.

She's only worked for me four times. One day she came in for an additional "one-hour special clean" at my request. She asked if it was OK to bring her four year old. I said yes as I did not want to seem unreasonable and she was doing me a favour.

However, I was not happy on three counts. Firstly found it distracting as I was trying to study something academic and I could hear them talking to each other during most of the hour and kept losing my concentration.

Secondly I did not realise how much time she would spend not cleaning but talking to him, sorting him out, explaining something to him, getting him something to amuse him, picking something up for him, telling him not to touch this or that, introducing him to my cat, etc, etc, during all of which of course she was not doing any cleaning.

She also took him to my loo (for a poo, she said) which took her about 5 minutes. I guess altogether seeing to him took up about 1/4 of the time she was here - say 15 minutes of the hour. However, when her hour was up she got her bag and her son and came to me for the full hour's money. After she left, I noticed she had not done all of the tasks we agreed on. I felt a bit irritated that I had paid her an hour for 45 minutes work but I said nothing.

Now she is asking if she can bring him for the whole 4-hour sessions. I want to say absolutely not as I feel she could easily spend 1 hour of it focussed on him and only 3 hrs cleaning and she won't get it all done and she might miss things because she's distracted by having to keep an eye on him, but she'll expect the whole 4 hours pay.

Am I being unreasonable, being mean to a poor single mum?

or

Am I NOT being unreasonable, as she taking the piss expecting me to pay her to look after her own kid?

OP posts:
isadoradancing123 · 19/07/2022 19:32

Just say no, being a poor single mum, if she is, is not your problem

Skinnermarink · 19/07/2022 19:33

You’re not but presumably she wouldn’t ask if she had a choice. So it’s up to you if you want to facilitate it or not. Personally I wouldn’t, the arrangement no longer works for you.

Shoxfordian · 19/07/2022 19:36

Yanbu

Go to an agency instead and you won’t have these issues

Jeschara · 19/07/2022 19:37

No do not agree to this request. It is her responsibility to arrange childcare.

Kanaloa · 19/07/2022 19:40

I think on the occasion she did an extra clean she wasn’t unreasonable - you asked her to come in at a time you knew she’d have her son and agreed he could come. But it wouldn’t work for me to have him there every time. I would just say oh sorry that won’t work out.

Mally100 · 19/07/2022 19:41

yanbu, any other job you wouldn't be allowed so don't allow it here. I would just politely say no without offering any explanation.

Soubriquet · 19/07/2022 19:42

No yanbu

If the child was happy to sit in one spot and use their tablet for a while, and didn’t distract their mother working, I would consider it.

Not like this

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 19/07/2022 19:43

Just say no! Why would you agree to something you don’t want? If it means she doesn’t want the job that’s fine, you will just have to find someone new.

Nc830 · 19/07/2022 19:43

She’s making a request, which is fine
its also fine for you to say no to that request

Putonyourshoes · 19/07/2022 19:44

It’s entirely up to you. If it was a long-standing cleaner who was now experiencing some childcare issues you could perhaps compromise and say that since some of the 4 hours she normally spends cleaning will be spent seeing to her child that she could spend 5/6 hours there to ensure she completes the tasks required and to the right standard.
However, since she has only actually cleaned for you four times you’d not be unreasonable to just terminate and seek the service from someone else.

Notanotherwindow · 19/07/2022 19:45

I'd say no and point out that you paid her for the full hour last time even though she didn't work the whole hour and that you noticed after she left that she hadn't even finished the job. Sometimes you do just have to tell people that they're taking the piss.

SherbertLemonDrop · 19/07/2022 19:46

100% no. Rude of her to even ask.

lunar1 · 19/07/2022 19:48

Find someone else, she didn't do the job properly last time.

namechange30455 · 19/07/2022 19:49

If he's 4 won't he be starting school in less than 2 months?

If so I'd probably suck it up til then IF she is happy to stay long enough to get everything done.

Summerslam · 19/07/2022 19:50

I'm not sure why it's relevant the child went for a poo while he was there. 🤔

However, you need to say no to future requests for the child to come with her. There aren't many jobs, if any, where a 4 year old child would be allowed to tag along.

User367259791 · 19/07/2022 19:50

Shoxfordian · 19/07/2022 19:36

Yanbu

Go to an agency instead and you won’t have these issues

I have many fewer issues with a working with a single cleaner directly than I had with an agency.

Original poster
Ladyof2022 · 19/07/2022 19:51

PHEW I secretly feared I was going to be roasted alive because, obvs, MUMsnet is a parenting thing.

The vote and the replies have really helped me to say no, which I find so hard.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 19/07/2022 19:51

Say no and find a new cleaner.

GoAround · 19/07/2022 19:53

I had a cleaner a few years ago that would bring her kids during the school hols. They’d watch TV in the living room, didn’t get in the way and tbh I barely noticed they were there. I also paid the cleaner for the job not the time so if it took longer as a result that was on her but equally if she got through everything early she wouldn’t be punished for being efficient. I’m yet to find anyone half as good! OP, this cleaner, however, doesn’t sound very good and she also sounds like a pisstaker. I’d cut your losses.

SherbetDips · 19/07/2022 19:53

Noo your not unreasonable, my Dad allowed his ex cleaner to bring her kids and they were a nightmare.

Original poster
Ladyof2022 · 19/07/2022 19:54

Summerslam · 19/07/2022 19:50

I'm not sure why it's relevant the child went for a poo while he was there. 🤔

However, you need to say no to future requests for the child to come with her. There aren't many jobs, if any, where a 4 year old child would be allowed to tag along.

Because she had to put down the cleaning materials and take him upstairs and wait whilst he pooed, clean him up and then walk him back downstairs and get him settled with something to do again, and all the time she was doing that, she wasn't doing the work she was paid for.

OP posts:
Loocheeyar · 19/07/2022 19:54

I’ve been a poor single mum cleaner

absolutely say no to this !

Original poster
Ladyof2022 · 19/07/2022 19:57

I never use agencies because they charge £15 an hour but only give the cleaner £10 of that. I always advertise and let them apply to me. There are quite a few available in my town so there's always two or three applicants.

OP posts:
wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 19/07/2022 19:57

Hmmm... if anything untoward we're to happen to the child, on your property, is she insured? Are you insured?

I'd say no.

sageandrosemary · 19/07/2022 19:58

YABU about the one hour, she was doing you a favour and asked prior whether she could bring her 4yo child - of course she would need to take care of them as well.

YANBU about her not bringing her child to her usual shifts. She's asked, say no. Done.