AIBU? Cleaner and her child

[Ladyof2022]

I have a cleaner because I am elderly and physically disabled. Current one is about 30 with a child aged four. She answered my advert for someone to clean for 4 hours once a fortnight. She told me she has a 4 year old but his dad has him all day every Friday, so we agreed she would work for me on that day.

She's only worked for me four times. One day she came in for an additional "one-hour special clean" at my request. She asked if it was OK to bring her four year old. I said yes as I did not want to seem unreasonable and she was doing me a favour.

However, I was not happy on three counts. Firstly found it distracting as I was trying to study something academic and I could hear them talking to each other during most of the hour and kept losing my concentration.

Secondly I did not realise how much time she would spend not cleaning but talking to him, sorting him out, explaining something to him, getting him something to amuse him, picking something up for him, telling him not to touch this or that, introducing him to my cat, etc, etc, during all of which of course she was not doing any cleaning.

She also took him to my loo (for a poo, she said) which took her about 5 minutes. I guess altogether seeing to him took up about 1/4 of the time she was here - say 15 minutes of the hour. However, when her hour was up she got her bag and her son and came to me for the full hour's money. After she left, I noticed she had not done all of the tasks we agreed on. I felt a bit irritated that I had paid her an hour for 45 minutes work but I said nothing.

Now she is asking if she can bring him for the whole 4-hour sessions. I want to say absolutely not as I feel she could easily spend 1 hour of it focussed on him and only 3 hrs cleaning and she won't get it all done and she might miss things because she's distracted by having to keep an eye on him, but she'll expect the whole 4 hours pay.

Am I being unreasonable, being mean to a poor single mum?

or

Am I NOT being unreasonable, as she taking the piss expecting me to pay her to look after her own kid?

I am 😊

I have a cleaning job and have occasionally struggled for childcare but I have never asked to bring him along because I know my work would not be the same quality. The lady I work for has also occasionally made me a cuppa and insisted I sit down for 10 minutes and have a break, when she does this I stay 10 minutes at the end to make sure she gets her money's worth. I think if it were different circumstances I.e the child was a bit older and didn't take up her focus or she added a bit of time on the end to make up for being distracted then I'd consider it. But in this situation I'd say no x

I used to be a cleaner. I'd definitely have emptied a bin without even thinking about it, especially if you'd said you wanted a room particularly nice for a guest.

YANBU regarding the things she didn't complete in her cleaning. In the future for any cleaner, I'd suggest paying a set cost for things on a written list which will set clear expectations. How much time she needs to get them done won't matter as much, this will benefit you and her, IMO. If she has a day where it takes only 45 minutes to get them all done because she's full of energy, then good for her, she still gets paid the same and has 15 minutes extra time for herself. On a day where it takes her longer (she's tired, she takes an important call in the middle), your house is fully clean. If you have a standard rate you pay then you get the standard services completed each time.

YAB a tad unreasonable about the little boy. She asked ahead of time, you said yes and it's very reasonable to expect a child of that age to need some attention and to make some chatter. When your house is getting cleaned, any cleaner may make enough disruption where it'd be difficult to concentrate and study, regardless if they have a child with them. Also, any cleaner might need the loo as much as a child, so I think you should expect that from future cleaners.

I had this scenario when my kids were young and I was working full-time. She started off on her own then started bringing her child. I realised though that she was using my son's bed for naps for her child. We parted ways.

We had a cleaner last year who only lasted about 6 weeks, because she used to leave early and the last time she came, she left after 90 minutes when I was paying for 2 hours!!

I'm not that assertive, although I probably should have been in that instance, and just said I couldn't afford it any more.

I then got another who spent half her time talking to me when she should have been cleaning and I was trying to work from home!

Good ones are so hard to come by!

I had this happen when cleaners interviewed you and I couldn’t be too fussy. This woman took such advantage bringing her child who was a real nuisance. We had a dog and the child just wouldn’t leave her alone.

On one occasion I came home early to find cleaner and friend with 3 children in tow one of which had their feet on my sofa eating crisps/watching TV they had clearly helped themselves to. They tried to cover up by saying they were trying to do the cleaning in half the time because one of the kids needed to go for a GP appointment. That was years ago and I put the cleaners money into the holiday fund and do the cleaning myself.

Personally I wouldnt have her back. She has just proven to you she is dishonest, she took full pay for 3/4 work and a not finished job. She said her child woudnt be there and now shes back tracked. This is the bit where she is impressing you, it will only go downhill from here.

@Bjarnum yes, you are 100% correct.

If she had said, "I'm staying an extra ten minutes to finish all the chores because of the time I've had to spend focussed on him" then I would have been satisfied.

@Dishwashersaurous cleaners don't empty waste paper bins? I've never had a cleaner who omitted that task. Mine empty three room bins AND the kitchen bin. What would a disabled client do if their cleaner never emptied their bins?

Anyway, mine does, she just overlooked it.

How far did she have to travel to you for one hours work and £12.50? Unless she lived next door I'm amazed you got someone to do that.

I was put in this position several years ago when DD was small. We had rules of no eating in the living room/conservatory. Came home crisp packets left in living room which DD found and we then had why can she do it and not me. Final straw was chocolate smeared onto my white sofas! Definitely say no, it’s not possible and don’t be blackmailed by things like she can’t work for you anymore. Go via an agency and pay a little more.

I'm a poor single mum cleaner 😁 I've brought my 5 and 7 year old on a job twice after my childcare fell through last minute. They were given tablets and strict instructions not to bother me! Even though it worked out on those 2 occasions, I definitely wouldn't do it long term. It's impossible to concentrate on the job at hand when you're worried what your kids are up to in the next room. On both occasions it was elderly clients that were happy to have some cute children to talk to for a few hours (their words, not mine!). They've never invited them back mind, so I think just the once was enough 😅

Choose anyone else.
You are going to have no end of problems - soon she will be asking if he can watch Disney films in your house (so she can clean) use your computer for games. Messy Picnics in your drawing room. Chasing your pets. Shattering your peace.
I learnt the hard way.

Thanks for the replies and for the cleaning anecdotes. Fascinating reading others' experiences with cleaners as they have been a big and important part of my life since I lost my mobility 15 years ago.

@Delphinium20 I find it easy to concentrate on my academic work when the cleaner is here because the sounds of movement and even vaccuming don't distract me, but I find the sound of voices and words does. Likewise I can have instrumental music playing whilst I read, but not anything with words.

She lives almost next door. I did ask her gently if she would ever be interested in coming in just for an hour now and again and she said absolutely YES, be happy to, any time.

My cleaner brings her children occasionally. It doesn’t bother me as she does the agreed tasks and charges for the agreed time. If she takes a little longer because her children are here, that’s fine with me.

In your case, it sounds as if it doesn’t suit you so just say no.

Just thank her for her time but the arrangement isn’t working for you and offer to look out for other jobs for her.

You can just say to her that it doesn't suit you to have her bring her child. If she asks why, just say you find her more productive without her child and your concentration levels are better when no voices.

No job would allow parents to bring their children. You'd be basically paying her for minding her own child.

Isn't this why so many people get cleaners, so that they are not interrupted cleaning with their kids distracting them.

I’m not sure this cleaner sees it as a proper job. I would never take my child to work with me!

I personally would allow this if all the jobs were done.
I would make it clear that the list of jobs should take no more than an hour so you’re only paying her for the hour but if it takes longer then she needs to do them without extra pay.

I would word it in a nice way but the facts are things take longer when you have to look after a young child t the same time so if she wants to bring him then she should work extra time to compete her jobs.
If she can’t work longer than she can’t bring him.

Mean - £2.50, how can you live with yourself? "I was studying" - selfish. The company of a four year old is a privilege for someone in an ivory tower complaining about how real people have to do menial tasks to thier bidding for their benefit.

In real circumstances, if the cleaner had a real contract (not just an arrangement convenient to you) she could have reported in. As her employer she should have been paid no matter what. If I call in sick for a day I still get paid.

I paid my childminder for the days I didn't need her because it was part of her income even though I was struggling at the time.

It's just the decent thing to do.

Bringing the child is obviously not ideal but you seem very rigid, the sound of voices annoy you?
Timing the wee boy in the loo?
I don't think you'd be happy with anyone tbf

I'd say no to this, but only because I would have the direct opportunity. I am hopelessly unassertive. My cleaner hoovered up my diamond earrings , she knew she had, and we all pretended it hadn't happened. It's funny really because people at work say I'm completely direct and uncompromising, but somehow it's different with a person who is in my house.

I had a cleaner who did something similar with her 3-year old. I had to tell her that her child was not permitted in my house. (I did feel for her situation but my house was in no-way child-proofed as didn't have kids at that point. Had steep staircase with no stair-gate, log burner with no fire guard, lots of breakable ornaments etc.)

Could you raise similar objections with your cleaner - may make it seem less of a personal objection and more an issue of it being an unsuitable environment...

You are not unreasonable to say no but there are issues you should consider:

How sure are you of finding another cleaner if you do dismiss her?

Would you have to pay a replacement cleaner a much higher rate?

How important is it to you that a cleaner can come for an hour every now and again if needed? This could be an important consideration.

How would you cope if you could not find a replacement cleaner?