AIBU? Cleaner and her child

[Ladyof2022]

I have a cleaner because I am elderly and physically disabled. Current one is about 30 with a child aged four. She answered my advert for someone to clean for 4 hours once a fortnight. She told me she has a 4 year old but his dad has him all day every Friday, so we agreed she would work for me on that day.

She's only worked for me four times. One day she came in for an additional "one-hour special clean" at my request. She asked if it was OK to bring her four year old. I said yes as I did not want to seem unreasonable and she was doing me a favour.

However, I was not happy on three counts. Firstly found it distracting as I was trying to study something academic and I could hear them talking to each other during most of the hour and kept losing my concentration.

Secondly I did not realise how much time she would spend not cleaning but talking to him, sorting him out, explaining something to him, getting him something to amuse him, picking something up for him, telling him not to touch this or that, introducing him to my cat, etc, etc, during all of which of course she was not doing any cleaning.

She also took him to my loo (for a poo, she said) which took her about 5 minutes. I guess altogether seeing to him took up about 1/4 of the time she was here - say 15 minutes of the hour. However, when her hour was up she got her bag and her son and came to me for the full hour's money. After she left, I noticed she had not done all of the tasks we agreed on. I felt a bit irritated that I had paid her an hour for 45 minutes work but I said nothing.

Now she is asking if she can bring him for the whole 4-hour sessions. I want to say absolutely not as I feel she could easily spend 1 hour of it focussed on him and only 3 hrs cleaning and she won't get it all done and she might miss things because she's distracted by having to keep an eye on him, but she'll expect the whole 4 hours pay.

Am I being unreasonable, being mean to a poor single mum?

or

Am I NOT being unreasonable, as she taking the piss expecting me to pay her to look after her own kid?

It was fair to say yes on the day you asked for an extra session.

It would be fair to say 'no' to regular cleans with the child
-because she wasn't able to complete the tasks agreed last time he was present
-because the additional noise distracts you from work.

It would be lovely if you could find a way to allow her to have her child present - for her sake- but it would have to involve you being satisfied with the work done and finding some way to cope with/disguise the noise.

@Ladyof2022
Twenty wasn't horrible, she had a different opinion, one you didn't like and you then accused her of being a drunk and bullying a disabled pensioner.
You are the horrible one, your attitude towards the cleaner and her child are very unpleasant.

Just stop it.

@milkyaqua
OP wasn't attacked, she herself has without any basis accused a PP of being a drunk and of being horrible to a disabled pensioner which tends to lose all support.

Could you say yes but pay her for the job, rather than per hour? So say you normally pay her £40 for 4 hrs work, just say it's £40 to do.... (give her a list of tasks). Then if she takes longer, it's on her time.

However, I probably wouldn't want the child wondering around my house.

Not without precedence though. Tbf most just assume a poster’s on glue.

YANBU, OP.

You are paying for the undivided attention of someone you employ.
You are liable if the child is hurt while in your house.

I do think, @Ladyof2022 that you need to find a friendly way to say "sorry, our arrangement was Fridays because you didn't need to look after your son, I allowed him to come for the one off and, unfortunately, he was quite distracting to both me and you, and I didn't feel I got the full hour's work as there were still things left. He, understandably, took up a fair bit of your time. He needed your attention and input when he came for one hour and I think he would find 4 hours much more difficult, which will have a knock on effect to the work that I need doing and pay for"
but I couldn't let that hour go unmentioned, especially now she's trying to bring him more.

OP, you are under no obligation to enable a lone parent to work. There are clearly ways you could do this, as I and others have pointed out, without paying for more than you've received. But you're not interested in considering them. You've made up your mind and that's fine. We don't have to help others if we don't want to. But if we choose not to, we need to own that choice, not look to others to validate it for us and become aggressive and defensive, if they don't.
Either do a good thing, or don't.

For those who joined the thread to help me rather than falsely accuse me of all kinds of nastiness...

Heard from her this morning and she has asked now to bring two children with her on Friday, aged 8 and 4, for the four hour job.

I wrote and re-wrote a friendly message back, which was extremely tactful and diplomatic, and based entirely on the suggested phrasings posted on this thread.

I pointed out that the reason she chose to come on Fridays was that she would always be free of childcare duties on that day, and that this was the arrangement she offered and I accepted.

She's just replied to say that if I can't "be flexible" then I must "find someone else". So that's that.

Thanks again for the helpful replies. Off to find another cleaner!

You did the right thing!

She's just replied to say that if I can't "be flexible" then I must "find someone else". So that's that.

Good riddance , your cleaner is a CF

You don't take young DCs to your workplace. She spent half her time caring for her child on that extra 1 hour clean, your house is not a holiday play place and she wasn't working for the time you paid her.

In future of a cleaner says they plan to bring their child in the odd occasion just say " sorry but no - if you instead need to look after your child, we can rearrange. "

No matter how short of childcare I am, I don't get to take my young children into work with me!!!

Can't be flexible! The entitlement. I am glad you were able to resolve the problem and that you pointed out the facts of the agreement as she had offered them. A cleaner should make life easier, and clean for the time agreed and paid for!

I've never had a cleaner, we've always done it ourselves, and I agree with poster above, good riddance to a CF cleaner.

It sounds like she was testing you with the one off request and always intended it to become a permanent arrangement that her kids are present.

I think if I were paying for a cleaner and saw them minding their children instead of cleaning my house, I would cry at the utter waste of money.

I think you have been very accommodating. She has gone back on the arrangement not you. Imagine behaving like that in any other job.
I hope she doesn't ask you for a reference

Thank you to the four ladies who posted today xx

I've already managed to replace her my previous cleaner, who had to resign due to matters personal to herself is happy to come back and starts on Friday.

Many thanks once again to those who voted and made helpful suggestions.

Why is part of my message struck through? Oh hang on, I think it's because I typed two horizontal lines. Apologies, I did not realise that made a strike-through. Duh.

The strike through does actually work in that paragraph though I think! 😅

Glad you managed to get it sorted 🌸

I am genuinely surprised that there are loads of cleaners in any area of the UK looking for work at the moment.

Why are you surprised, and why particularly at this moment?

I live in a small town, population about 40,000. Within an hour of my cleaner resigning today I'd replaced her with one I had before. If she had been unavailable I have about 10 phone numbers or emails of other cleaners in my area.

I'm on a site called Next Door and over the last year I've been screenshotting adverts placed on there by cleaners (and decorators, plumbers, gardeners etc) just in case I need them.

I can't get any cleaning done in my own house while my 4 year old is there, I definitely wouldn't be trying to clean someone else's house with her in tow and expect to get paid.

Hospitals and organisations across the country are finding it almost impossible to recruit cleaning and hygiene staff at the moment.

I'm amazed to hear that you found a replacement so quickly. It seems your town is an exception.

I can quite believe it. Working as a cleaner in a hospital or hotel involves commitment, inflexibility, and being beholden to a boss. And of course, limited holiday time which might not be granted when you need it.
Domestic cleaning means you are your own boss, you can fit it around school hours/family care/other commitments and it's more often than not, cash in hand.

Many cleaners will not apply for commercial cleaning. They love the flexibility of being their own boss.