AIBU? Cleaner and her child

[Ladyof2022]

I have a cleaner because I am elderly and physically disabled. Current one is about 30 with a child aged four. She answered my advert for someone to clean for 4 hours once a fortnight. She told me she has a 4 year old but his dad has him all day every Friday, so we agreed she would work for me on that day.

She's only worked for me four times. One day she came in for an additional "one-hour special clean" at my request. She asked if it was OK to bring her four year old. I said yes as I did not want to seem unreasonable and she was doing me a favour.

However, I was not happy on three counts. Firstly found it distracting as I was trying to study something academic and I could hear them talking to each other during most of the hour and kept losing my concentration.

Secondly I did not realise how much time she would spend not cleaning but talking to him, sorting him out, explaining something to him, getting him something to amuse him, picking something up for him, telling him not to touch this or that, introducing him to my cat, etc, etc, during all of which of course she was not doing any cleaning.

She also took him to my loo (for a poo, she said) which took her about 5 minutes. I guess altogether seeing to him took up about 1/4 of the time she was here - say 15 minutes of the hour. However, when her hour was up she got her bag and her son and came to me for the full hour's money. After she left, I noticed she had not done all of the tasks we agreed on. I felt a bit irritated that I had paid her an hour for 45 minutes work but I said nothing.

Now she is asking if she can bring him for the whole 4-hour sessions. I want to say absolutely not as I feel she could easily spend 1 hour of it focussed on him and only 3 hrs cleaning and she won't get it all done and she might miss things because she's distracted by having to keep an eye on him, but she'll expect the whole 4 hours pay.

Am I being unreasonable, being mean to a poor single mum?

or

Am I NOT being unreasonable, as she taking the piss expecting me to pay her to look after her own kid?

Just say to her " No, I'm afraid not. We tried that once and it was very unsatisfactory so I'm not willing to repeat it"

Did you question her about the things she was paid to do, but didn’t?

Yanbu.

Just be direct? Say you were happy to allow to as a one off as your request clashed with her non-work hours but it's not something you will permit on her normal agreed hours.

You dont need a reason. But if you want to say something else tell her that you appreciate that a child will have needs during that time and you need all the tasks completing and asthere is a limited timeslot you need 4 hours work in a 4 hour slot. Not 4 hours work over 5 hours attendance.

I wouldn’t agree to this.

If she’s good at her job consider offering her £12 rather than £15 per hour

No, I did not. By chance they were things I can do myself so I just did them, but I did feel just a tiny little niggle of irritation that I was doing something I'd paid someone else to do.

I'm also a little peeved that last time she was here, I told her to make sure the guest bedroom was immaculate as I had a valued guest coming to stay. After the guest got settled I went into the room and was embarassed to see the waste bin, on open display, nearly full from the last time someone stayed. My guest must have thought I just hadn't bothered. And yet it seems such a petty thing to complain to the cleaner about, when she otherwise does a good job.

I am over sensitive because once I gave a cleaner a verbal list of things she had missed or not done properly, and she threw a tantrum, screamed at me and stormed out. I'm so scared that will happen again.

My cleaner brought her kid once but the kid just sat on a chair, assumed herself and chatted.
Didn’t get in the way, same standard of clean. So I didn’t mindz

Yours clearly isn’t old enough so YANBU

WHAT?
Why would you allow someone YOU are paying to scream at you?
child or not get rid.

Eh?

She gets £12.50. That's the going rate here and what she asked me for.

£10 an hour for a cleaner...you wouldn't get one at that rate around here!!!! (Yorkshire)

Think you misread/misunderstood -- it wasnt THIS cleaner but the previous one.

Thanks for emboldening me to just say NO.

Are you all so direct and assertive in real life, though?

I have sympathy for her but it’s not your problem. YANBU.

I think you’re confusing two things here.

YANBU to refuse the regular 4hr clean that was agreed when she would have childcare. I had a haircut with toddler in attendance and my usual 5* hairdresser gave me the worst haircut I have ever had in my life. That’s always been the agreement.

YABU to clock watch and count the minutes her child was doing a poo the one time you pre-agreed she should clean for you. That was the agreement and you accepted the compromise prior to the clean.

YANBU to not accept that compromise again. No need for tit for tat, or holding minutes and seconds of her attending to her son as reason not to - just that’s not the agreement and I can’t accommodate a cleaner that brings children along.

Yes we are especially where money, transaction or a service is involved.

But I use what I said - I had agreed to have the haircut whilst child was there (desperate pandemic first summer - so hairdressers open but hard to get appointment because of distancing and only one person allowed in salon, so I had the cut at home), I paid and didn’t say anything. I would not agree to it again.

I believe the issue was not the time taken to look after her child so much as the fact she did not complete the work agreed on. Had she stayed till it had been done that would be a different matter. Or even acknowledged she had not finished.

Absolutely this.
Quiet child who sits unobtrusively for an hour is very different to a chatterbox needing attention and to poo in your loo.
Agency.

I think that you need to be really clear what tasks you want provided, probably a written list.

Many, many cleaners don't empty bins. Therefore if you want that doing then you need to specify.

If you're happy with her work generally, ask if she can come at a different time when the child is elsewhere. Otherwise part company.

This

I’m guessing “yes”. 😁

The more you do it, the easier it gets, and you can do it nicely but firmly. Practise in the mirror if it helps.

YANBU. It's not 'being mean to a poor single mum,' you have a job you need doing and you're paying her to do, which she agreed to do. You're not a charity. She also said it would not be with her child in tow when she first agreed to it.

Say no you are paying for a service you aren't getting

Well, you of course you are not wrong. It’s all in how you say it, no excusing yourself, but in a nice way. Why would that be wrong? A bit like the hotel inspector if you’ve watched it. 😂 She is great.

If she asks to bring her child, just say that it doesn’t work for you and you need to stick to as agreed - Fridays when the child is with his father.