AIBU? Cleaner and her child

[Ladyof2022]

I have a cleaner because I am elderly and physically disabled. Current one is about 30 with a child aged four. She answered my advert for someone to clean for 4 hours once a fortnight. She told me she has a 4 year old but his dad has him all day every Friday, so we agreed she would work for me on that day.

She's only worked for me four times. One day she came in for an additional "one-hour special clean" at my request. She asked if it was OK to bring her four year old. I said yes as I did not want to seem unreasonable and she was doing me a favour.

However, I was not happy on three counts. Firstly found it distracting as I was trying to study something academic and I could hear them talking to each other during most of the hour and kept losing my concentration.

Secondly I did not realise how much time she would spend not cleaning but talking to him, sorting him out, explaining something to him, getting him something to amuse him, picking something up for him, telling him not to touch this or that, introducing him to my cat, etc, etc, during all of which of course she was not doing any cleaning.

She also took him to my loo (for a poo, she said) which took her about 5 minutes. I guess altogether seeing to him took up about 1/4 of the time she was here - say 15 minutes of the hour. However, when her hour was up she got her bag and her son and came to me for the full hour's money. After she left, I noticed she had not done all of the tasks we agreed on. I felt a bit irritated that I had paid her an hour for 45 minutes work but I said nothing.

Now she is asking if she can bring him for the whole 4-hour sessions. I want to say absolutely not as I feel she could easily spend 1 hour of it focussed on him and only 3 hrs cleaning and she won't get it all done and she might miss things because she's distracted by having to keep an eye on him, but she'll expect the whole 4 hours pay.

Am I being unreasonable, being mean to a poor single mum?

or

Am I NOT being unreasonable, as she taking the piss expecting me to pay her to look after her own kid?

I have no intention of dismissing her, just asking her to keep to the agreement we made, but to answer your questions:

A, 100% confident. There are loads looking for work around here.
B. They all charge more or less the same.
C. It's not important at all.
D. That's not going to happen because (a)

I think it's a bit much to ask her to do 1 hours work. I wonder if your list of things was far too big for 60 mins and you should cut her some slack. If you only pay her the minimal rate she loses out because she has to travel there and back for only a tenner or whatever it is!

You are absolutely not beeing unreasonable. I had a similar situation once. Single Mum 3 children felt a bit sorry for her. But it was a wasre of money. She did less and less and brought her three yeae old occasionally. Anyway we parted company. Should have said something long before. Just say sorry this isnt working no ifs and buts and chances to improve. It won't happen.

I am a cleaner. I’ve had condoms hanging out of bins, positive covid tests unwrapped (haven’t even told me they have covid), and lots of used tissues. Now things have changed due to the pandemic I am very careful with bins and feel that tissues etc should either be flushed or wrapped in a bag. I also don’t want to see your bright orange ear wax cotton buds, untangle your used dental floss from an unlined weaved basket, separate recycling from whatever else is in there or be faced with bloody sanitary wear. Please line bins and consider emptying them yourself. Separate your own recycling. Don’t let them overflow or overfill. I’m a cleaner but I don’t want to possibly become sick by touching something that you have personally used while maybe being undiagnosed with covid. I empty bins if they are not spilling everywhere with disgusting things or used tissues. I also don’t empty those sealed nappy bins. I didn’t choose to have the baby. They absolutely stink even when sealed and make the whole room smell. If I open it I think I would be sick. Nappies festering all week in there. No thanks. Same goes for toothpaste spat into the sink and left to dry or spattered all over the bathroom mirror (again, covid), piss all over the toilet seat, I’ve had toilets covered with sick and poo, poo all over bathroom floors and poo in a shower. Think about what you leave for your cleaners. I’m not your mother.

@qpmz You have the wrong information. She is engaged to do four hours, once a fortnight.

She lives almost next door, and told me that she is available for additional work, even if it's just an hour here and there. She's only done that once.

Reminds me of my friend. When her cleaner had been, she'd regularly come home to marks on her hall carpet, and thought her hoover was faulty. She came home earlier than usual on one occasion - to a baby asleep in a buggy in the hallway. Marks had been where the Mum was pushing him off to sleep.

If the cleaner is good, be tolerant and allow her to bring the child, who will probably be starting school in September.

This.
I do feel I can sense a little attitude from OP. The child had to use her toilet. Yes. Kids need a wee or poo and can’t wait.
Cleaners need a wee too, especially if, like me you work 9-6. It does seem as though you objected to the use of your toilet full stop. I know some people do object but we are people too and function the same way as you do. I clean it afterwards, honest.

Of course you say no! Four hours of either him running riot round your house, or her devoting a fair sized portion of it to him and his needs and not your cleaning.
No chance.

‘Gosh, no, I don’t think that will work for me. I’d hate for him to hurt himself or get bored whilst you’re busy. Let me know if you manage to get childcare so that you can keep coming’.

After numerous mortifying guilt inducing incidents we now only use a cleaning agency. I don’t know my cleaners they turn up in a team do the job and leave. Any issue the agency deal. I would never use an individual again. Always get sucked into their lives and ultimately screwed over.

I think it’s possible to kindly decline her request.
Are you happy with her aside from this?

Bleeding heck, @Pink993 that's quite a tirade!

Are you directing this unecessary onslaught at me?

I am certainly NOT the kind of person who would ever leave anything pee-or poo-related, personal, menstrual, sex-related or in any other way embarrassing or unhygienic for my cleaner to find and deal with.

I am starting to notice that on here the first dozen replies are normal, sane and reasonable, then a load of trolls arrive to post nasty attacks on the OP. I have seen this again and again on Mumsnet. I guess it must be a "thing" you all recognise and laugh at, but I am only just starting to see the pattern!

Oh yes, she's like a lovely, cheery, smiley, happy ball of sunshine, and she brightens up my day. She works hard and eagerly even though she does sometimes miss things.

I am rehearsing how to be firm but friendly. It's hard when you aren't all that assertive!

Well said.

I always know what a new client will be like by the state of their toilet.

Yes I'm there to clean, but leaving skid marks or an unflushed loo is really not acceptable.

Used condom on the floor by the bed - disgusting.

Used sanitary products hanging out of the bin - appalling.

The ultimate was a toilet, bathroom bin and floor splattered with dried-on vomit.

I didn't return to any of those clients . I don't need to work for minimum wage, but I chose to do a job I like to earn money for life's little extras. My regular clients are lovely, courteous and in return I work hard to keep their homes clean to a high standard.

I would never ask to bring my young son with me, it's impossible to clean my own home properly with a child distracting me, let alone a clients home.

This is wonderful! Thank you! That's the right sort of tone. I am now rehearsing saying it out loud in a breezy way with a big smile on my face, in case I have to say it to her face. Currently I am having to reply to a text but I might have to also say it in person. Thanks!

My comment was in reply to @Pink993 and not aimed at you OP, more of a tangent. Cleaners do tend to get the brunt of it on threads like this on here, which is why I can be a bit ranty I suppose.

She sounds lovely. Hopefully you can add understanding to the list of attributes!

I don’t think pp was pointing their post to you btw, I think it was more of a general description of what people leave for cleaners and why many now don’t empty bins following your description of the bin not being emptied.

This
re the first occasion 15 mins distracted YABVU complaining about an hours pay
re it being a regular thing ‘no sorry that won’t work’ should deal with it
use an agency going forward

OP you seem verbose, entrenched and intransient. Leave the poor woman alone and do what's best for you.

She's not got a hope against your 10 minute poo attention.

That isn't what the OP has said at all.
Not sure why you are making stuff up, tbh.

The clean is 4 hours, once a fortnight. The hour was a one off which OP asked if she was interested in. The OP pays her £12.50 an hour which is decent money for a flexible job you don't need any qualifications for. Especially when she live virtually next door so has no travel time nor expense.

OP of course you should say "no".
If you really liked the cleaner and / or there were a shortage of cleaners where you live, then you could keep in mind that a 4 year old will start school in September, but it seems that isn't the situation.
You only need to say "No, you said that your partner looked after him on Fridays and that is why we agreed Fridays. The extra clean was different as it wasn't a Friday. If it doesn't suit you then I will have to get someone else."

@MayDaze "I always know what a new client will be like by the state of their toilet."

I check to see that my toilet is left pristine literally every single time I use it.

I'm lucky in that I am still sufficiently able-bodied to do this.

Thanks for all the helpful and the chatty replies.

As for the others -- never post drunk! LOL.

@Kite22 "No, you said that your partner looked after him on Fridays and that is why we agreed Fridays. The extra clean was different as it wasn't a Friday. If it doesn't suit you then I will have to get someone else."

This wording is excellent. I will rehearse saying that, too.

Yes I remember now she said he starts school this year.

You begrudge a 'poor single mum' a gift of £2.50?

I'd say yes on condition we agreed a rate for the tasks I wanted doing not by the hour. Then if it takes longer because she's dealing with the child it wouldnt matter. I'd arrange to study in the remaining hours of the fortnight she wasn't there because I'd find hoovering and cleaning sounds distracting too.

It's not a "gift" if it's taken by her without my agreement or approval. It's theft, or at the very least dishonesty.

If someone opened your purse and took £2.50 would you say it's fine because to disapprove would be "begrudging her a gift?"

If the teenage boy till operator at your local Tesco pocketed your £2.50 change instead of handing it to you, would you say it's fine because he's on minimum wage?

Funnily enough I gave her a gift last time she was here. Something I was about to sell for £20 but on impulse asked her if she'd like it.