DD18 has made me cry tonight - who is in the wrong

[Safarigiraffe]

Took my daughter 18 to a appointment but it was out of our normal area so picked her up at 8pm. Basically she messaged me to say to get her 730 which was fine so didn’t realise car needed petrol as my husband took car to work today so had to stop off at petrol station as I would be driving on motorway. DD18 then messaged me to say as I was driving that she’s walking down the same route I took her fine I thought had her on Life360 so could see where she was.
However my Life360 was out of range & wasn’t updating so couldn’t see her at all & DD18 was not on route we took before so I phoned her to see where she was and she said look on Life360 so then I couldn’t get it working on my side (not sure why but sometimes it does that) so then DD18 phoned me up shouting at me on the phone, messaging me to get lost 😞 & I annoyed her which made me get so mad at her but as I was shouting at her on the phone at her disrespectful manner my phone cut out so eventually found her. She gets in the car shouting blue murder at me, I’m shouting back, she then grabs my phone and throws it to the back seat, I couldn’t stop as I was on the motorway driving so got home and shouted, said to her no more lifts anymore, so now I’m sitting here crying & very madly upset as well. Just to say I went mad at her when I got back home as well.

What was the appointment? It sounds like she was desperate to get out of there and got frustrated that you were dilly dallying.you can drive 20 minutes when the fuel light has just come on. Or you could have got fuel on the way back from the appointment.

Honestly it all depends on the appointment, getting her nails done SIBU. Chemo or counselling kind of situation YABU.

I have no idea what Life360 is but she is being a brat if she is getting annoyed about you stopping to get petrol, if you’d broken down before you reached her she would have been waiting a lot longer! She’s 18 and old enough to learn to drive herself or to get a job to pay for taxis or public transport so the obvious solution is stop giving her lifts.

Just read your update. Sounds like it's all a bit of a mess really. You said that you would fill the car up once you had picked her up, but then, to her mind, you delayed by doing so beforehand instead. Cars can go 30-50miles with the light on, it could have waited a bit.

Have you asked her yet if anything happened at the appointment to upset her so much and prompt her asking you to pick her up so much earlier than planned?

That makes it clearer.

I imagine she was hot and bothered and desperate to get home, doesn't excuse her behaviour at all though as you were doing her a favour and I wouldn't be doing any more favours or giving any more lifts after that.

As an aside, I don't think you really did need to put petrol in for a maximum 20 minute drive there most cars can go a fair distance once the light has come on.

She had a eyebrow/eyelash appointment but why should I of left the car with no petrol driving on a motorway? Car was already pulling back by the time I had reached petrol station & I didn’t want to chance getting broken down on motorway

This while thing just screams major lack of communication on your side and a hot bothered and frustrated 18 year old shouting and acream at each other over the phone while driving is dangerous 😳

sorry no sympathy here, you have raised a selfish self centered snowflake congrats.

TBH, this all sounds very melodramatic from both of you. I don’t think either of you had your finest hour, screaming over which street she was on and then crying about it. IME drama begets more drama and you probably just both need to have a word with yourselves, move on and try and be calmer next time.

I cant imagine this at all. Are you both 18? you both need a break from each other.

Totally agree however DD18 wandered off the agreed pick up point and got herself lost when I told her to wait but she didn’t

She would have been turfed out of my car.

Blame the man of course.
Things happen to delay people she can't go around screaming and ranting at her mother because she was a bit late.

She was getting an eyelash tint? 🤣 I assumed it was a medical appointment. Little madam can make her own way next time then.

Appt not tint

What kind of car have you got that the petrol light only comes on when it is basically empty? Standard is that the light comes on at 10% to 15% of a tank’s capacity when it starts to flash that's when you normally need to worry.

Eyebrow/eyelash appointment? Well she'll need to find her own way there and back in future won't she.

Who is the child in the relationship? Don't think it's your daughter...

You need to get over yourself. I'm happy to say I've never had an argument with my child which involved her shouting at me when I was trying to do her a favour. OP is perfectly entitled to be angry with her daughter.

See I don't like this. Just have it out with her, tell her you won't be spoken to like that and be done with.
Sulking/silent treatment helps no one.

Absolutely unacceptable behaviour! No more lifts and I would also ground her from going out for a week for her horrible attitude. Good luck OP!

I am keeping quiet not in same room as her & completely ignoring her as well

I think you both have a bit of growing up to do. What a silly thing to stretch out for so long. Do you not ally have these extreme reactions to small things? Maybe it’s a learned behaviour from your DD

I'd be getting rid of 360 thing for a start.
If it's a bit out of character I would wonder if she has had a fall out with someone and you got the deflection

There would have been no argument whilst driving let alone on a motorway in my car. My teen knows better than to yell at me whilst driving as it is extremely dangerous. Yours would have been told to calm down and shut up or not get in the car at all. If you want to have an argument wait until it is safe to do so.

That aside it sounds as though your teen needs to learn some manners. As others said it depends on the nature of the appointment as to whether I would let this go (and as a parent of a ND teen I'm used to being yelled at). But she wouldn't be getting a lift again until she accepted she put you both in a very dangerous situation with her tantrum!

Both sides could of been more diplomatic, but your dd, should of waited at the agreed pick-up point, not wander and waste more time

What’s the motorway got to do with it (surely better for fuel consumption?) and what does “pulling back” mean?

Amusing all the people wondering if the appointment was upsetting - though it’s a fair question - but it turns out to be some lashes nonsense 😂

So you would accept this from your child, being told to get lost, shouted at & having phone thrown to back of car over not being able to locate them? How does me reacting make me a child when I told her to stay by drop off point

OP this...stick with your instincts....terrible behaviour from her x