DD18 has made me cry tonight - who is in the wrong

[Safarigiraffe]

Took my daughter 18 to a appointment but it was out of our normal area so picked her up at 8pm. Basically she messaged me to say to get her 730 which was fine so didn’t realise car needed petrol as my husband took car to work today so had to stop off at petrol station as I would be driving on motorway. DD18 then messaged me to say as I was driving that she’s walking down the same route I took her fine I thought had her on Life360 so could see where she was.
However my Life360 was out of range & wasn’t updating so couldn’t see her at all & DD18 was not on route we took before so I phoned her to see where she was and she said look on Life360 so then I couldn’t get it working on my side (not sure why but sometimes it does that) so then DD18 phoned me up shouting at me on the phone, messaging me to get lost 😞 & I annoyed her which made me get so mad at her but as I was shouting at her on the phone at her disrespectful manner my phone cut out so eventually found her. She gets in the car shouting blue murder at me, I’m shouting back, she then grabs my phone and throws it to the back seat, I couldn’t stop as I was on the motorway driving so got home and shouted, said to her no more lifts anymore, so now I’m sitting here crying & very madly upset as well. Just to say I went mad at her when I got back home as well.

It does sound like a dangerous situation, shouting at each other on the motorway and her throwing your phone away. I wouldn’t want to meet you on the road with my children in the car.. She needs to understand that if nothing else.

Just go talk to her.

My dear dad brought me everywhere at that age and I never once talked at or shouted at him like this. Your daughter owes you an apology.

This post is quite sinister.

Honestly, if I was going out of my way to pick someone up as a favour and they texted me to get lost, I probably would've made myself scarce very quickly and left them to find their own way home.

Not if you were using life360. She needs to sort herself out.

You need to teach her the importance of not shouting or aggravating a driver on a motorway.

That would really annoy me on top of her reaction.

I wouldn't speak to her until she wholeheartedly apologises to you, afterwards I'd try find out why she was so angry.

Proper ranty post innit !

Life 360 plugged a plenty as well

Teenagers can be very rude. I try to remember how I felt and behaved at tgat age and it helps me stay calmer. Best thing is to talk about it tomorrow when you are calmer

Sounds like you are making mountains out or mole hills
. Get a grip!!! Big deal she shouted at you and you shouted at her. What parent and child have never had an argument. Go and have a wine and stop whining on her and get over yourself.

I’d tell her you need to both have a calm chat about what happened tonight as you want to make sure it never happens again.

Give her 10 mins to think about it then have a chat. Tell her why you’re so angry with her 1. Her dangerous behaviour in the car 2.her disgraceful behaviour towards you who was doing her a favour.

Id expect an apology from her. If not I’d tell her she’s not getting any more lifts.

EIGHTEEN!! She's an adult ffs, a lot of the excuses, the heat, if it's a one off etc, yes maybe for a 14 year old but she's an adult tantrumming like a toddler.
I wouldn't even lose my temper with her, I would just calmly tell her that her transportation is her problem now.

Ok so if your child treated you in this way, shouting at you, messaging you to get lost, throwing your phone back of car would you not react back?

Your husband is in the wrong, if he hadn't returned the car needing petrol the whole thing would have been avoided. You wouldn't have been late and stressed, and your daughter wouldn't have been wandering around the roads on her own at night.

Were you late collecting her to take her to the appointment with the stopping for petrol, is that why she started walking?

Your opening post is confusing it seems to be saying your daughter walked after the appointment but you needed to be wherever to collect at 7.30 for the appointment.

do you need to update your overall phone software so that the app can properly update? like, to the latest IOS or similar?

Also - did something happen at the appointment? Maybe she got so mad at you because she was upset and you weren't there and then everything escalated? If this is completely out of the blue, was she actually already upset when she left the appointment?

PS, you really do need to get your electronics sorted out. One day there might be an emergency.

I actually think over reliance on tech is part of the problem. Why couldn't OP's daughter have just waited where she'd been dropped off?

Big tech companies fail sometimes, not just our personal electronics, we still need some common sense to fall beck on.

You're her mum not her friend so she should treat you with respect? Surely everyone should be treated with respect. She was in the wrong but then so we're you, sounds like you went absolutely mental. 2 wrongs don't make a right. Has she learned this mode of communication from you?

Of course you can. There are all sorts of sanctions, no food shopping for them, large or small. No lifts, no financial help, no use of the home wifi, a curfew if they want to live at home, no financial support, or all the way up to them coming home to find their possessions in the front garden and the locks changed.

It’s OK everyone, a man has arrived to tell the women to stop being hysterical.

The problem here, chief, is that we didn’t all grow up in families like yours, and some of us prefer people to show respect to one another.

I dropped her off 630 & she said to me it’s a 1 & a half hour appointment & to be there for 8/815 latest. Fine went home (20 mins away) & then 715 she messaged me to say to leave to pick her up so I said to her ok but cars low on petrol so can put some way home after getting her. As I got in the car the petrol light came up so obviously had to put petrol as I could not drive on a motorway with petrol light on. So next thing I know she sees me on Life360 putting petrol and messaged me why am I putting petrol so I explained so then she phoned me up shouting at me for putting petrol (I have a hands free phone). I don’t think there can be no excuse for a mum to be shouted at, told to get lost, shouted at in car & to have phone thrown to back seat of car over her own fault for going to far down the road when I explained to her my Life360 was not working ok. So yes I lost my temper with her however I’m only human

If your waiting for an extraction, then you give the location and stay there, your dd was in the wrong for keeping walking, especially as it would not save much time, just seemed a pointless endeavour when you was attempting to extract her for the appointment.

One of mine did this once. Never again. Told her that at 18 she could stop spending her money on drinking and partying and instead learn to bloody drive . All the rest of mine had managed it by 18 !! But this one just expected to be driven around.

I am far from wealthy . Single parent on 38k and pay £1000 in rent. So I insured family car, they drove everywhere I needed to go and had driving lessons for 17th birthday from gps and uncle/aunt. First car bought from part time job. Insurance same.

If you need lifts then you need to drive or get public transport. Not be fucking rude to your parent. Stop doing it now OP.

tell her to get an uber and if she thinks she can treat the uber driver like that - shell be wrong