Nursery sick of my child

[Ladymartin]

Went to pick my daughter up from nursery today and her key worker practically threw her at me saying she’s been screaming all day and they have tried everything. This has been going on a while with one or other of them bringing my daughter to me saying she’s been crying etc and they can’t stop her. They have had a right day with her etc. I’m at a loss. She likes a lot of attention and being outside. I said this to the manager and she said we have playtimes but can’t be outside all day because of one child. I know today has been hot but his has been going on for months since she started. They just say she cries and screams like in temper but they try everything and she won’t stop. I have said what about solutions and they have said they literally can’t do more than they have done. I am a single parent and need to work. I have other children who went to this nursery and were fine. I told my sister and she just said well you know what she’s like she must do their heads in (not helping sis!!) Surely it’s their job to put up with crying children though? She has no issues or special needs apart from liking attention. She is almost two . Has anyone had children who acted like this ? I feel like I’m being unfair on the staff for inflicting her on them .

It seems like it's your parenting that's causing issues, your sister has said she's hard work, be honest with yourself- if you are letting her scream for attention it's not doing her any favours. It must be difficult for the staff. Have they discussed what they are doing to help? Have you asked?

We chose a childminder for the early years (outside all the time) then a Preschool that had a free flow indoor outdoor arrangement. Even now at 10 dc1 would be outdoors 24 hours a day whatever the weather.

Agree with PP. You and the nursery staff need to work together to resolve this behaviour. Is she a bit spoilt? Does she get what she wants by kicking off at home? She is young enough for this to be turned around, and quickly too, so be open minded and proactive. It must be hard on your own with a full time job, several kids including one who behaves like this, but it can be done. Good luck!

Yabu you need to try a different setting. It must be awful for everyone if she really is crying for attention the whole day. That's not fair.

Given they don't sound like they're calling you up at work and demanding you fetch her, they ARE coping with her. But you can hardly expect them to skip to the door and declare "we've had an amazing day, Eliza screamed for eight hours regardless of what we did but it's such a pleasure to listen to".

What do YOU do when she's screaming and can't have 121 attention or go outside?

@CallOnMe my DD goes to nursery as well. The nursery was chosen because it has large grounds. And like a few PPs have said with the nurseries they chose for their own children or work in, it is free flowing.

I actually have a nursery 500m away. It has no outside space and unlike another nursery in the area, which also has no outside space, they don't take the children out daily for walks.

Anyway I don't understand why you want to punish a 2 year old who is always crying. It's better to find out why they are crying at nursery especially as a lot of children behave differently in childcare settings to home.

Yes, is she a bit spoiled at not yet two? Have you accidentally made her think she’s important OP? Think carefully, is there any reason your very little child might want something and not yet be able to communicate why? It’s a mystery, she must be spoiled and attention seeking, age not yet two. Ffs.

How many sessions is she doing at the nursery? Is this the only childcare she has? - no family members etc at other times in week?

I'd be really pissed off with the nursery tbh, they sound rubbish.

I'd be looking to move her to somewhere that wants to help your dd.

Agreed.
OP please try different settings and hopefully you'll find something that suits her needs better. Best of luck.

I feel for the other children. To be in a environment with a child almost continually screaming and kicking off and so much time and focus on your daughter. I would not be happy if I was the parent of another child that attends the nursery and was subjected to this noise day in day out

@Pumperthepumper I don't think others may understand your post is sarcastic.

OP, with the best will in the world, what you're describing is a situation that's not working.

You think the staff need to do more to manage it. But if they just can't - maybe they don't have enough time, or enough skill, or enough staff to kids, or whatever - then you as the parent are the one who needs to work out how to fix this.

Personally, in your shoes I'd be looking for a different setting, with a free flow layout, and/or childminder provision.

I'd also be interested in what your sister said and trying to work out if there's more you can do at home to encourage her to express herself in a different way.
Best of luck.

Has any OP on this shite ever heard of paragraphs so people can actually make some sense of the rants ?

Depending on what the OP is writing her posts on she may not have realised until it was posted she has no paragraphs.

And MN doesn't have an edit function.

OP, how stressful for you and your DD. The nursery don't sound like they are being very constructive. You child is very young. She is crying to communicate and needs empathy. If you want her to stay at the nursery I would ask for a meeting to discuss a strategy going forward to manage things. However, if you don't think the nursery is providing a nurturing and caring environment you might want to look for another nursery or childminder. Obviosuly you don't want to needlessly disrupt her by moving her, but your description of the nursery does worry me a bit (although I am also mindful that today must have been a very stressful day for nurseries trying to keep the children cool and probably not being able to go outside). I would trust your gut instinct about whether you are comfortable leaving your toddler at that nursery.

Regardless you may also want talk to your health visitors to see if they have any advice about managing her behaviour gently or they think she may need some other input.

Big hugs. My toddler can also cry a lot xx

Do you get chilly up there on the moral high ground?

Maybe spell check your posts before you criticise grammar.

ga you ever heard of spelling and punctuation?

OP, child care workers are people, not wizards. Yes a screaming child all day is hard. When nothing you do helps. And yes children can and do try to manipulate the situation. If I walk around with my lip hanging out and start grizzling maybe I’ll get all the attention.

I genuinely wonder how people like you get on in life.

I am going to take a punt - you enjoy your own company because you don’t have any other choice

As a nursery practitioner of under 2s I can say there are some children who just don't suit nursery.

Despite staff encouraging them to come and play, singing, taking them around the room to show them things, getting out their favourite toys some children just cry and or want to be cuddled for the whole 10 hour session.

Whilst it is normal at the beginning I've seen children months on who just cry. Their key person gets them on the garden, reads, cuddles and plays but it's hard work, we share the care but as you can imagine alongside this other children are upset, tired, settling, needing attention, the daytime Routines and also as key people and as caring childcare professionals we do also want to spend time with all of our key children rather than just sat trapped under a crying 22 month old who refuses to want to do anything but sit on the carers lap in the book corner.

With 1 I'm thinking of we tried everything and he was with us 9 months before moving to the toddler room. He cried everyday. We dealt with it ; tried so many things but it is very hard when you have also got other children and it's hot.

What did your sister mean by her comment is your daughter also very emotional at home?

You’ve said she likes attention, it seems like your first solution was to ask nursery to let her play outside more as this is what she likes, and your sister has indicated she’s hard work.

Be honest, OP, do you give in to her behaviour at home? The nursery have to care for all the children. Agree with PP, a childminder might provide a better dynamic.

Also, poor child must be unhappy if she’s screaming all day. Not sure nursery putting up with it is helping anyone here.

Every bit of this. Please find an outdoor focused childminder. We have one who it wonderful, they spend the majority of the time outdoors, in local woodlands and the beach and green spaces. My eldest struggles massively indoors, which is a big reason why we chose our minder, but also she's just amazing generally, Great ethos, loves kids and they love her which is the most important thing.

Agree with the pps who say it’s totally appropriate for a child this age to want attention. A child under 2 is not “spoilt”.

But why is she crying so much? Could it be the nursery setting is wrong for her or does she have a health or developmental need which is not being met?

If your dd is also like this at home I would start with a visit to the gp.

The nursery isn't right for you r child. They trying to tell you that. She needs another setting, a childminder maybe. I'd be very upset knowing my child cried all day and agree with the nursery and move her. Your sister seems to be saying the crying happen s at home too

"They're paid to put up with it" is a poor attitude and doesnt tale into account that they are real people who are finding it really hard to manage a child that cries all day. I'm not paid to love my child but fuck me there are days I've practically thrown her at her dad before going out for a walk. If she was screaming at me all day, being paid minimum wage wouldn't be much consolation. Have a bit of empathy for the people you expect to have empathy for your child.