Nursery sick of my child

[Ladymartin]

Went to pick my daughter up from nursery today and her key worker practically threw her at me saying she’s been screaming all day and they have tried everything. This has been going on a while with one or other of them bringing my daughter to me saying she’s been crying etc and they can’t stop her. They have had a right day with her etc. I’m at a loss. She likes a lot of attention and being outside. I said this to the manager and she said we have playtimes but can’t be outside all day because of one child. I know today has been hot but his has been going on for months since she started. They just say she cries and screams like in temper but they try everything and she won’t stop. I have said what about solutions and they have said they literally can’t do more than they have done. I am a single parent and need to work. I have other children who went to this nursery and were fine. I told my sister and she just said well you know what she’s like she must do their heads in (not helping sis!!) Surely it’s their job to put up with crying children though? She has no issues or special needs apart from liking attention. She is almost two . Has anyone had children who acted like this ? I feel like I’m being unfair on the staff for inflicting her on them .

Be honest. What is she like at home? What is she like when left with family members?
I would start looking for someone else. Most people would do whatever it takes to stop a child crying and they will have tried their best.

It sounds like they may be hinting for you to work on her behaviour at home.

I think you need to be much more firm about giving in to her and that’s she’s only allowed in the garden if she behaves well.

I would ask them if they have a particular routine and see if you can try and have a similar routine at home.

I’m not sure a childminder would help in this situation as I think she needs to the structure of nursery.

How old are her siblings?

What about a more outdoorsy nursery? DDs nursery has free flow into the garden and they also do forest school sessions. If you don’t have anything like that in your area maybe a childminder would be better.

Aren’t you concerned that she’s crying all day? You just seem concerned that the adults should learn to put up with it!

This. All of this.

There was a child like this at my ds nursery who was so disruptive and distressed the other kids. They left eventually as the child just couldn't settle down. Maybe a childminder or nanny would suit better. They cannot be giving your child attention all the time, even your sister made mention that she is difficult so it's not just nursery.

Try a forest school type nursery, they are outside all the time, all year round (I work in one)

Or at least a nursery that has all day free flow access to the garden (again, our nursery has this for those who arent in forest school).

Though children who cry continuously all day are hard work. Its taken my new key child 12 weeks to finally settle and that's only with me, if I leave the room or stand up they scream and cry till I get back.

As a setting we stick with our key children until they are confident to move off and play and they can return to use for comfort whenever they want. If they want to sit on our laps all day, they do. I've worked in nurseries before where they stopped you picking up crying babies or children as they wanted them to be independent. How do they treat your child at their nursery?

You need to focus on working out why she is crying . She must be extremely distressed in that environment and you can’t let it go on.

She is only 2, that’s tiny, she can’t explain to you what’s wrong so it up to you & the other adults involved to help her.

Also, I wouldn’t dismiss her having SEN so quickly, she’s very young and it’s often hard to pick up on until at school.

Ask for a meeting to discuss with the nursery manager what they feel might be causing her to be so upset, and if they feel a referral would be helpful.

They don’t sound particularly proactive though so might be best to move somewhere else.

You could try switching to a different nursery, or a childminder as maybe the busy nursery environment with little 1 to 1 attention is too much for her.

All children are different and have different needs. Just because your other children were fine at nursery at this age doesn’t mean it’s right for her.

Has she been assessed for ASD/ ADHD? I say this as someone who was often like this as a child. Turned out I was neurodivergent and getting sensory overload.

I'm not sure what you want us to vote on. Of course it's not unreasonable to send your child to nursery and to expect them to do all they can to manage her behaviour. I also kind of sympathise with their frustration, although it's not exactly professional if they complain to you every day. (Are they complaining, or is it just her key worker telling giving you feedback on the day, which most parents expect?) It doesn't help but, when my child was at nursery there was one child who cried constantly. They were crying every time I dropped mine off and crying every pick up time. You could hear them crying from outside. The staff seemed unfailingly patient. This went on for the entire year. They spoke calmly to her and let her know what was going to happen next (as they did for the rest of the children), but didn't fuss, ignore or yell at her in response to her constant crying. If this is what your child's key workers are doing, I don't think there's much more they can do. It may be worth looking into alternative forms of childcare, like a childminder, or maybe sharing a nanny with one or two other parents, or looking for a nursery with different staff/child ratios, approach or environment.

I had a similar problem with the first creche I sent my son to. My son just did not like his teacher and they were phoning daily saying he was crying and unsettled. They said horrible things about him one day so I removed him and did some research on other creches in the area that fit better with his needs. He's honestly a different child since going to his new creche he runs in delighted every day and he's rarely upset and the staff are just so kind to him. Children are very intuitive.my son knew his teacher didn't like him and that's why he acted up.

Child care professionals are still human..if she does this all day every day they must dread coming to work. Try a childminder, more one to one and less children around so may benefit her better.

I’d find a new nursery, or a childminder. She’s absolutely tiny and they’re against her, they sound useless.

I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel this way, OP. You’re right, it is part of their job, and I’m saying this as a nursery room leader myself.
I understand the staff may have days which are tricky but actually your young child is also finding it tricky. Lots of settings spend most the day outside, so maybe see if you can visit one of those? Xx

I work in a nursery, crying and screaming can go on for months and then one day they just stop or they start to settle. If you don't trust their care then I would suggest moving her. You say you expect them to cope with a crying child, but they could also have more children who are also screaming and crying, after a while it does get very draining especially when there's nothing you do will help.

What do you suggest they do? Being 'professionals' doesn't give them special powers.

Your daughter would be better with a child minder.

That's just horrible advice.

Today my DD spent the majority of the day playing in her CM garden. Luckily her CM has a big garden with shady parts.

When it's not hot they can go for long walks so they are out a good proportion of the day.

At my DD's nursery on days where it is 25+ degrees they do outside water play but they have sized decent grounds. This is unlike the nursery I live next to which has a tiny outside space for more children.

Be honest, OP. You say she likes attention. From what your sister said this isn't uncommon and you just put up with it. So how about teaching her not to scream and cry to get what she wants all the time.

frankly, if i were the head of the nursery I'd give you notice to find a new childcare provider. That's not good for anyone.

Ratio is 1 adult to 3 children. Should an adult give constant attention to one child and ignore the other 2?
There's nothing wrong with a 2 year old wanting attention except in a childcare setting they can't have attention all the time.

Today my DD spent the majority of the day playing in her CM garden. Luckily her CM has a big garden with shady parts.

Not every establishment has big gardens with lots of shady parts though and I believe in nursery they all need to do certain things together like having a snack or their meals and OPs DD can’t throw a tantrum because she wants to go outside.

OP and her sister agree that it’s an attention thing and because she wants to go in the garden so she needs to be taught at home that she can’t always get her own way else she’s going to be miserable at nursery.

I understand that but as childcare professionals I expect them to be able to cope with a crying child.

But as others have said - it is draining, if it actually is all day. They are human after all. It might be worth you appreciating that many places wouldn't keep a crying child all day - they would call you to collect them.

A child who is crying all day is trying to communicate something. Some pain, or some anxiety or some unmet need. I would be trying to get to the bottom of that rather than moaning about the Nursery staff. From your sister's reply, it sounds like her crying all day isn't exclusive to Nursery ?

Have you only ever looked after one child at a time, that you think two must be 'ignored'?

Your child is clearly miserable and you need to find a childminder for her.

It's probably got to the point where she is alienating the staff and then she can sense that they don't like her, the poor little mite.

I would have taken her out after two weeks of crying tbh.

I don't actually know what's more disheartening, the number of posters lining up to criticise OP for not better managing the crying behaviour of a child who is not yet 2 FFS, or the abysmally low expectations some parents apparently have of the people and institutions caring for their very young children.