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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends didn't "tip"....bit tight?

592 replies

tvsavec · 18/07/2022 15:39

Me and three friends went to a little family run Greek restaurant.
The bill came to around £80 for four of us.
At the end of the meal
Friend 1 put £2 on the table and I also put £2
Friend 3 said "is that for a tip"
We said yeah.....she shouts for the waiter and hands him the £4 and says thanks
They didn't bother to put a couple of pound in each

Aibu to think it's a bit tight?

OP posts:
restedbutexhausted · 19/07/2022 13:56

@DillonPanthersTexas this sounds like excellent service to me.

It's just different customs from different places.

I remember once I took a man who was visiting from the Middle East a couple of minutes' walk to a taxi rank and he gave me a £50 note. To say I was shocked was an understatement!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 19/07/2022 13:59

rested, it was obviously worth it to him! That's the thing, sometimes it seems like a disproportionate amount of money but it's not really, it just is worth it to that person, at that time. Great!

babyjellyfish · 19/07/2022 14:01

Yep, tight.

Elsiebear90 · 19/07/2022 14:02

People who tip and get judgmental about others who don’t wind me up, there’s no logical reason to tip in the UK. If you want to hand over extra money to certain service workers and not others for no logical reason then that’s your choice, but don’t judge other people who don’t.

DillonPanthersTexas · 19/07/2022 14:13

And considering whether they'll be tipped or not is the least of a server's worries, in my experience.

Disagree, yes all the other stuff on your list can play out on your shift but I have been lucky enough to have worked under very strong managers who 'had your back'. When customers were out of order they were told as much and if it persisted asked to leave. One thing you work out very early on is that not only is the customer frequently wrong they are often f*cking rude to boot. The old 'this wine is corked/food is terrible give me something free' gambit is as old as the hills and easy enough to deal with.

As for tips, I was always sizing up customers for their tip potential, I am there working antisocial hours for a crap hourly wage because the big money was from tips. I was on £3 an hour back then (early 1990s), or £15 a shift. I was making over £150 in tips on a Friday or Saturday night as I was pretty good at turning on the charm when I had to. That is not to say I was some miserable sod to everyone else, I always provided a solid friendly service but I definitely pulled out the stops for the big whales.

EV117 · 19/07/2022 14:24

rested, it was obviously worth it to him! That's the thing, sometimes it seems like a disproportionate amount of money but it's not really, it just is worth it to that person, at that time. Great!

Or some people are just rich and don’t value the money in the same way we do. It wasn’t about it being ‘worth it’ to that person - if someone gives you £50 for finding them a taxi, then £50 is nothing to them. That’s probably just the smallest note he had on him.

A PP made a good point that back in the day tipping started because the tippers had way more money than the people receiving the tips. It was in many ways more about showing off your wealth than doing a kind thing. That’s not the case now - people with ordinary jobs, earning just the same or even less than the waiting staff, are simply trying to treat themselves to a meal and no one should be made to feel ‘right’ for not forking out extra or offering what is essentially a charitable donation to someone who is in fact not any less well off than you.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 19/07/2022 14:28

Don't disagree with you, EV117. I gave a server £10 just for telling me what song was playing. She'd gone off to find out, asked colleagues, etc. It's one I'd heard umpteen times and I was just so thrilled.

ThreeLittleDots · 19/07/2022 14:36

I was pretty good at turning on the charm when I had to

Yeah, wages really were awful back then and no doubt you did what you needed to do!

I think as a patron, it almost makes things more awkward for a non-tipper when a server is super friendly and nice. Would they be this nice if they knew the patron couldn't afford or wouldn't be leaving a tip? It can create tension.

Whereas, if society was less judgemental of non-tippers, less people would tip as they realise that it is not expected and they're not embarassing themselves somehow if they don't, and the patron-server dynamic becomes more honest and neutral, as it is in other industries.

EV117 · 19/07/2022 14:47

Don't disagree with you, EV117. I gave a server £10 just for telling me what song was playing. She'd gone off to find out, asked colleagues, etc. It's one I'd heard umpteen times and I was just so thrilled.

I think that’s sweet and if I was rolling in the cash I’m quite sure I would do the same! I would certainly give bigger tips if I had more money, I’m sure many would - but I don’t feel like that’s being understood. Some people don’t want to tip, and that’s their right. Some people genuinely can’t afford to, or need to prioritise spending that money on their own family and children rather than a stranger who is earning at least minimum wage. Labelling people who carefully plan for a meal out or potentially save up for one as ‘tight’ and ‘stingy’ just doesn’t sit well with me.

DillonPanthersTexas · 19/07/2022 14:58

I think as a patron, it almost makes things more awkward for a non-tipper when a server is super friendly and nice. Would they be this nice if they knew the patron couldn't afford or wouldn't be leaving a tip? It can create tension.

As a server you do not take non tipping personally, it comes with the territory. Tipping culture has changed quite a bit in the UK since I was working in a restaurant. Brits never used to tip, that has now changed somewhat but on the whole Brits do not tip well. Being mercenary I was there to make money and I would focus on the big tippers, too many times I have bust my arse all evening for some large group trying to cater for their every whim only to get zero tip at the end, or my favorite, some pithy 'keep the change' remark from some punter who has rounded up a very large bill to the nearest pound.

legalseagull · 19/07/2022 15:04

BarbaraofSeville · 18/07/2022 15:46

No its not tight, tipping makes no sense and we need to stop judging people for not tipping a small subset of service workers.

No-one tips retail workers, fast food counter staff, cleaners or care workers. So why is considered 'tight' to not give extra money to waiting staff in restaurants who get paid a similar amount for doing similar work?

Exactly

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 19/07/2022 15:10

EV117, I don't always have that sort of money to give but I was just so, so delighted.

I think that ThreeLittleDots' point is well made. The expectation of a tip shouldn't be there. I can imagine that Dillon was great at scanning the big tippers but the disappointment in her posts is really obvious. I have visions of a shark scenting blood (sorry, Dillon).

If it's obvious to the server then it's not a nice atmosphere for the customer and it is really NOT the responsibility of the customer to bump up wages. Tips are nice but customers are not obliged and shouldn't feel so. Ever.

Angelinflipflops · 19/07/2022 15:43

I'm just imagining the look on the non tippers faces when the bill comes, kind of tight-lipped, and stubborn

Merryclaire · 19/07/2022 15:51

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/07/2022 12:24

I agree with this.

Where has this sense of entitlement from service workers sprung from? You take food to a table, you aren’t working for the UN. You’re polite to customers - so fucking what. Not being shut at your job does not equate to being good at your job.

Is this why most servers these days are such misers?

Honestly, if you don’t want to tip, then don’t - it’s optional. But no need to demean serving staff.

I’ve had numerous jobs over the years, and waitressing was the job that I was treated the worst (by both management and customers) and paid the least.

While usually rushed off your feet serving customers, you weren’t ever allowed to be idle so also spent plenty of time scrubbing floors, walls, (just random large painted walls for some reason), windows, toilets, equipment, scraping chewing gum off the bottom of tables.

If they were having a quiet day and they couldn’t think of anything else for you to do they’d just send you home so they didn’t have to pay you for the whole shift.

If someone did a runner or underpaid you, then you had to make up the difference from your own pocket.

If you weren’t making OK tips, management actually gave you a hard time as they said it was because you weren’t offering good enough customer service - so you couldn’t win.

Customers seem to think that waiting staff can be treated as the lowest of the low - I’ve never in my life been spoken to so unkindly. Even had a meal thrown at me once.

Yet you had to really turn on the charm and work hard to be attentive to earn a few tips to make up your salary.

Went on to retail after that and it was a breeze in comparison.

Now work in a professional industry, and my waitressing days are long behind me, but I am generally a good tipper as I remember what it was like.

Having said that, I don’t tip for crap, lazy service, because that misses the point.

Just because waitressing can be hard work doesn’t mean other jobs aren’t also hard work - no one is suggesting that. But there is a difference between a job where you stand behind a till waiting for people to pay, versus making sure all your customers have a great meal out.

Which is the point of tipping - did the server make it a really good experience for you and make you feel looked after? If so, it’s nice to tip them if you can afford it. If not then don’t. Simple.

Dotjones · 19/07/2022 15:59

It infuriates me when people criticise the culture of tipping (or of not tipping) in the UK and compare it to places like America, as if that means that our system is automatically wrong and America's is right. Does that apply to guns and the death penalty too? What about access to abortions or police brutality?

Tipping should only ever be provided in two circumstances:
a) Exceptionally good service where the server went above and beyond what they're being paid to do
b) Where you have limited choice and will have to use the service again so don't want to piss them off (for example a hairdresser that's the only one in town)

Angelinflipflops · 19/07/2022 16:06

If it infuriates you so much, just tip

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 19/07/2022 16:12

Or what, flipflops? You'll carry on looking down at people who don't choose to do the same as you? Dotjones is saying that being criticised for culture of tipping/not tipping is infuriating. How would tipping fix that? Did you even understand the point being made?

TrashPandas · 19/07/2022 16:14

Still dodging the question Angel, because you know your position is illogical?

ThreeLittleDots · 19/07/2022 16:15

I'm just imagining the look on the non tippers faces when the bill comes, kind of tight-lipped, and stubborn

Eh? Do you mean in response to the total of the bill, or a service charge? Or something else?

Why would I have a stubborn, tight-lipped look on my face when the bill arrives? The prices are hardly a mystery!

MintJulia · 19/07/2022 16:17

I'm just imagining the look on the non tippers faces when the bill comes, kind of tight-lipped, and stubborn

Why? I just pay the bill.🤔

ThreeLittleDots · 19/07/2022 16:24

What a bizarre thing to imagine.

Like PP, I pay the bill, smile & say "thank you it's been lovely" to the server, and leave.

Quelle horreur!

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 19/07/2022 16:28

restedbutexhausted · 19/07/2022 12:29

This just sounds like you hate all hospitality workers. I've known some people like this but I've also known others who are wonderful. I'm sure people who work in care homes, hospitals, schools etc etc have faces like smacked arses too Confused

I have to say I hate this trend of catastrophising situations. Hate?! What a drama llama thing to say. I hate very little. Hate requires passion and how atlyni just wanted someone to go to the kitchen and get my food

Swizandswap · 19/07/2022 16:30

Angelinflipflops · 19/07/2022 15:43

I'm just imagining the look on the non tippers faces when the bill comes, kind of tight-lipped, and stubborn

What an odd post 🤔. I will always smile and if there is a service charge politely request they remove it as my company expense's do not cover service charges on its receipts, It has never been an issue.

restedbutexhausted · 19/07/2022 16:31

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet apologies if I've caused some offence, was just the way you said "face like a smacked arse"... felt as though this is your general opinion of hospitality staff.

tigger1001 · 19/07/2022 16:34

MintJulia · 19/07/2022 16:17

I'm just imagining the look on the non tippers faces when the bill comes, kind of tight-lipped, and stubborn

Why? I just pay the bill.🤔

This!

No tight lipped response here either.

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