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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nudity between family

173 replies

Nudityetiquette · 17/07/2022 20:29

AIBU to think that it is weird that my boyfriend let his mum come into the bathroom for a wee whilst he was nakedly shaving his body (possibly chest, possibly butt). Background: Portuguese family where bf is only child (seen as miracle child) and family are liberal and very comfortable with nudity together and talking about sex.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nudityetiquette · 17/07/2022 21:06

Christ okay! Shall I start listing his other attributes, like beard and hairy armpits

OP posts:
MugginsOverEre · 17/07/2022 21:06

SoManyQuestionsHere · 17/07/2022 20:37

It really is very dependent on the family!

Grew up with total hippies as parents. Nudity (in the casual sense, not in any sort of exhibitionist manner) was par for the course when I was a child. Both my parents would matter-of-factly walk out of the bathroom wrapped only in a towel, take it off, towel their hair, and just as matter-of-factly wander off to their bedroom to find some clothes.

My mother, sister, and myself are still very much like that! I learned about my sister's engagement while I was lying in the bathtub casually chatting with her as she was doing her brows.

Our father is out of the picture due to our parents getting divorced just as DS and I were about to hit puberty and our relationship taking a hit in general. No idea what we would be like if that hadn't happened.

All in all, I think I've rather benefitted from my ultra-liberal upbringing. I do draw the line at pooing, though! That's a strictly "me, myself, and I only" situation!

I could have written this. Except my folks weren't hippies but nudity wasn't a big thing. My husband however grew up completely differently and he's never seen his mum or dad naked.

As long as there's nothing untoward about it then it's whatever works for you and yours.

PlanetNormal · 17/07/2022 21:07

Not everyone in the world is as repressed about nudity in non-sexual contexts as the Brits and Americans. The Germans enjoy Thermen, which are enormous swim / sauna / spa complexes with swim-up bars, restaurants etc etc. All naturist.

Sloebluewalls · 17/07/2022 21:10

If he was just showering and she was just weeing, can’t see the issue. One bathroom is limiting. I’m sure he must have stopped shaving his but anyway when she entered the room

blubbabubba · 17/07/2022 21:12

PlanetNormal · 17/07/2022 21:07

Not everyone in the world is as repressed about nudity in non-sexual contexts as the Brits and Americans. The Germans enjoy Thermen, which are enormous swim / sauna / spa complexes with swim-up bars, restaurants etc etc. All naturist.

It is not repressed to not want to see your adult son shaming his arse, blimey. Nudity around children, pre- puberty is normal.

MugginsOverEre · 17/07/2022 21:12

My upbringing helped me take care of my dying dad. I had to give him personal care and it wasn't anything I hadn't really seen before and i don't think I ever gave it a second thought as I wiped his bum or helped him wee. 🤷

diddl · 17/07/2022 21:12

Harridance · 17/07/2022 20:44

A man shaving his chest and bum is a bit off putting

To me that's weirder than his mum popping in for a wee!

MugginsOverEre · 17/07/2022 21:14

Though arse shaving? Thoughts on personal boundaries aside, that does seem a little odd to me. But I guess whatever floats your boat and if a smooth, hairless, man's arse does it for you then whatevs.

SpaceJamtart · 17/07/2022 21:14

I wouldn't think it was that weird
she went in to quickly pee, not to wash the bath he was sat in

Prometheus · 17/07/2022 21:16

Being nude with family is fine. I’m in my 40s and would do the same with my mum/sister. What’s weird is a man shaving his body but then I understand that young people nowadays have a strange phobia of body hair.

MrsJBaptiste · 17/07/2022 21:16

Each to their own, I was soaping myself in the shower at my mum's last week and she came in to tell me something she'd just remembered - I'm 46! I was slightly embarassed but strategically grabbed a flannel and we had a quick chat 🤷‍♀️

Nakedfamily · 17/07/2022 21:17

MugginsOverEre · 17/07/2022 21:12

My upbringing helped me take care of my dying dad. I had to give him personal care and it wasn't anything I hadn't really seen before and i don't think I ever gave it a second thought as I wiped his bum or helped him wee. 🤷

This is a necessity, completely different situation

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 17/07/2022 21:17

Eww no!!!!

My family and I do not walk in on each other in the bathroom and we don’t walk around the house naked. I will get dressed in my bedroom with my husband and toddler there but now wait for my 8yo to vacate.

It would not go down well if my DM walked into the bathroom whilst I was in there and I wouldn’t pop in to say hi to my DH whilst he was in there. I have had to walk in on him in the shower to grab something when I’m trying to leave for work but that’s it. I’ve seen him naked plenty of times but I still never ever want to see him shaving his arsehole. 🤢

MermaidEyes · 17/07/2022 21:17

So you were in the bathroom, then you left and his mum popped in, then she left and you went back in again? Your poor boyfriend just trying shave his arse in peace.

Scianel · 17/07/2022 21:18

It is not repressed to not want to see your adult son shaming his arse

I love this autocorrect 😆

VladmirsPoutine · 17/07/2022 21:18

I'd think this a bit off. A lot depends on context and in the scenario you describe I can't decide if YABU or not. But to put it this way - if my mother needed a wee and I was in the shower I'd be fine with it. If I were spread-eagled on the bath shaving my bits I would just leave the bathroom if she wanted to come in.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 17/07/2022 21:21

MugginsOverEre · 17/07/2022 21:12

My upbringing helped me take care of my dying dad. I had to give him personal care and it wasn't anything I hadn't really seen before and i don't think I ever gave it a second thought as I wiped his bum or helped him wee. 🤷

I had a very different upbringing to you with regards to nudity but, if I was my DF’s carer, I would do these things for him. What you’re describing is not the same as walking in on someone shaving intimate areas to have a wee.

Harridance · 17/07/2022 21:21

I wouldn't like it if my partner shaved his bum or chest or was comfortable with his mum weeing in front of him

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 17/07/2022 21:22

It would be weird if his mum was shaving his arse.....
As she wasnt, I dont see an issue

parenthood1989 · 17/07/2022 21:27

Being nude with family is fine.

Surely there is a difference between being nude and being spread eagled with your anus pointing at your mum?

Timeturnerplease · 17/07/2022 21:30

Personally I’d be a tad more worried about stubbly bum cheeks than anything else. Wouldn’t waxing be a better option?

woodhill · 17/07/2022 21:32

No not in my house

Harridance · 17/07/2022 21:32

What's wrong with a hairy bum

Staffy1 · 17/07/2022 21:32

Harridance · 17/07/2022 20:34

Doing a wee in front of your adult child is not normal

And shaving your arse in front of a parent isn’t either.

Thebeastofsleep · 17/07/2022 21:35

This would be reasonably normal in our household. I mean, I don't shave my butt, but we're liberal with nudity and always have been. I think it's more normal in continental Europe.