To not sleep train my baby?

[MD1803]

So, the internet is full of advice how to sleep train your baby.

Are there many / any people out there who never bothered and just allowed things to happen (and how did that go)?

My DD is 4 months old (in two days). We are now about two weeks in into the 4 month sleep regression. In general, it takes fair amount of rocking to get her fall asleep for her naps or at bedtime. I never put her down drowsy but awake. In fact I always wait about 20mins when she is normally in deep sleep and doesn’t wake up once I put her in her cot.

From about 2 months old until the regression started she would sleep from 9:00 and later 8:00pm to first wake up around 3:00 / 4:00 am.

Since the regression I started to take her to bed with me after her midnight / 1:00am wake up. Frankly I get better sleep that way. I never took her to bed with me before.

I’m thinking she will just naturally develop sleeping habits where she will get over the regression and eventually learn how to fall asleep on her own.

Am I being delusional?

Going against most of the posts here.

I did sleep Train my twins and tbh it saved my mental health and my marriage.

We done it at 9 months as the twins sleep was that bad I would be up and down out of bed 20+ times every night and they would then be awake at 4am for the day.

I was at breaking point and very nearly crashed the car as I was so tired I nearly fell asleep at the wheel.

Within 4 days of sleep training both twins were putting themselves to sleep and slept thru the night.

They are now 15 months and I will stand by the fact, I believe it was the best decision I have ever made.

Each to their own.

I know someone who crashed the car with two small children in it because of being very sleep deprived.

Thankfully they were okay, but it was a scary wake up call.

Parental sleep is very important, this is sometimes not properly acknowledged in these discussions.

Great to hear all the different views and experiences.

I’m not against sleep training, and I think there is also the question what do people consider to be sleep training. Already from the posts it looks like there is a range of what could be the definition.

The questions in my mind at the moment were regarding the, what internet seems to suggest are, bad habits. Rocking to sleep, feeding to sleep, not sleeping in own sleeping space….

At 4 months I can’t see how she would get any good quality sleep if we don’t do any of that. I can see that we could always try to avoid doing those things, e.g. put her down drowsy but awake.., and stop when she starts getting distressed, to get her used the idea so to speak. However, in the end, at the moment, we would then still need to deploy the original tactics to make sure she actually sleeps. This is doable but would take that much more time resettling and not sure how much does the baby at this age would actually learn from that process…

So again, it is good to hear what are the different experiences that people have and the different age ranges they went through the different processes.

I also posted to the AIBU section rather than any of the other sections as it seems to get better traffic.

I didn't sleep Train mine at that age. I did do some light sleep training at about 18 months e.g. offering water or milk rather than breastfeeding. This was successful with DD1 but not DD2.

Fair warning however, they are unlikely to sleep through the night at 6 months naturally. My oldest was 2 before she slept through and now sleeps brilliantly. DD2 is 27 months and showing no signs of sleeping through. So you do run that risk by not sleep training.

We could say the same about you tbh, since it looks like your opinion is the only right one here.

Parental sleep is so important of course, however so is meeting the needs of your baby. Such a young baby is crying because of a need, not a want, to ignore that … well I can’t really express my true feelings for not wanting to upset people. I could never ignore my child’s needs.

It will pan out how it pans out, my LO is pretty strong willed but stayed in our room till around 1yo. When we felt it was time she settled into her own room almost immeadiately, but we did have a solid routine even when she was in our room that's never really changed, 4 months is a bit early to be planning but when the time comes, you know your child best and you'll have a feel for what will work. In the mean time just keep going! You will get to sleep normally again eventually!

Because the bulk of what she talks about is how normal things are. Normal to wake frequently overnight, normal to feed to sleep, normal to rock to sleep, normal to only sleep in prams or cars, normal to cosleep, normal for toddlers to wake at the crack of dawn, normal for bed times to be different, normal for wake windows to differ from the standard. She often says that if you child does anything of these things then they’re not a “terrible sleeper”, they’re just doing what every child everywhere does. She’s such a breath of fresh air compared to the swathes of “rod for your own back” and “bad habits” people. But she also says, if things aren’t working for you then you can try and change them.

And you can look up her credentials yourself if you’re interested.

You don’t need to care what she thinks. But OP, who is panicking she is doing something wrong (with help from you!!) should definitely go and have a read.

Very well put.

Bullshit.

My eldest was rocked to sleep. Slept through from 3 months. Never had any of the so called sleep regressions. At six months we started cuddling him to sleep at night. At 12 months we put him in bed to sleep awake by himself. He slept through the entire time.

Every child is different. There is no guaranteed formula that works for every child. Sleep training works for the families it works for and doesn't for others.

@SmallPrawnEnergy

Not really, I havent said anyone should listen to me. I'm just posting opinions asked to. Feel free to ignore

I'm not selling any books.

I'm not criticising one form of sleep industry whole posting another

I slept with my baby until age 2 because sleep deprivation is not my thing. Used bed rail and big double and single bed with just me and her.

She went in own room at age 2 when we could explain things to her.

A new baby or young baby can't train themselves or be trained to sleep alone. They will be upset and scared and think you are just gone. There's no way around it. If they stop crying it doesn't mean they suddenly realised they have to sleep alone, they just realise it's pointless as no one's coming.

But do what you have to. If you have to balance baby in own room with your sanity then your sanity has to win. When my daughter went into her own room it was not the best thing for her. It was the best thing for me. Children would happily sleep with their parents until they start wanting alone time at night, and there would be absolutely nothing wrong in that.

But as parents that's not practical for us, and that's okay too.

@MD1803

i literally said if you want to keep rocking her, you should.

If you wanted your choice reinforced and not disagreed with you should have posted some where that would have happened or been more clear in your op.

@TwinMumStruggling

You seem to have missed the point of my post.

And yes, those things are all normal. As is sleep training

mine both slept, were both bottle feed and back in the day the 4 month sleep regression wasn't a thing - but then weaning was at 4 months not 6 so maybe those things are connected or not

they used to fall asleep on their evening bottle about an hour after their tea and sleep till the next bottle - popped them in their cot upstairs and had a baby listener

all dc are different and you do what works for you

I went away with friend on holiday who's daughter wouldn't sleep without her, so at 7 years old she had her mum in bed each night by 8.30/9pm - but now she is in her 20s and is fine sleeping alone

@TwinMumStruggling such a sensible post

I think mums are somewhat conned into believing that if older babies and toddlers wake up many times a night (usually for breastfeeding) that they ‘must need it’ and that it’s natural development. When really, like dummies or drinking from a bottle, it’s just a habit which needs gentle encouragement to stop. Good quality sleep matters just as much as good quality food, particularly when the brain is developing so much.

I didn't do it with mine. Why would you want to teach your baby to stop crying because they've given up all hope of you coming in to them. I think it sucks

But that’s not what sleep training is?

@pimlicoanna

🙄

Can highly recommend 'the beyond sleep training project', they have a website and a group on facebook you can ask for advice. Free with no payment required, they are a charitable service to support children and parents

I did but when they were a little older. Best thing we ever did, both very settled happy kids who thrived on routine and regular bedtimes. It also made such to my well-being as I was physically and emotionally drained from the bedtime settling sagas.

Do sleep trained babies stop crying in the day?
Pretty sure they are still conveying their needs by crying.

@luxxlisbon of course they do as I go to them when they cry. Just as I do at night

But do you think sleep trained babies jusy never cry again because they “think no one will come”?

It's partly a question of what you're willing /able to put up with.

I'm a single parent so waking up every 2h every night for potentially years just wasn't an option. I got my dc used to sleeping in their cot (age-appropriate cot) alone and I always put them down still awake so they get used to falling asleep on their own.

They slept through the night relatively early, 3 months for my eldest and maybe a bit later for my youngest. There has been some crying at times but this is what my sanity demanded.

Conversely I have friends whose 2.5yo son still wakes up multiples times a night. I couldn't deal with that.

The fact is that if you reward night waking with attention, feeding, etc, you're basically encouraging the child to keep waking up. By all means go in, pat, hug, whatever, but then leave again.

If you don't want to sleep train (which as stated above does not necessarily mean leaving child to cry for hours on end), that's fine too, but be aware that they may keep waking up through the night for many years. Or not. That'd be a matter of luck.