To not sleep train my baby?

[MD1803]

So, the internet is full of advice how to sleep train your baby.

Are there many / any people out there who never bothered and just allowed things to happen (and how did that go)?

My DD is 4 months old (in two days). We are now about two weeks in into the 4 month sleep regression. In general, it takes fair amount of rocking to get her fall asleep for her naps or at bedtime. I never put her down drowsy but awake. In fact I always wait about 20mins when she is normally in deep sleep and doesn’t wake up once I put her in her cot.

From about 2 months old until the regression started she would sleep from 9:00 and later 8:00pm to first wake up around 3:00 / 4:00 am.

Since the regression I started to take her to bed with me after her midnight / 1:00am wake up. Frankly I get better sleep that way. I never took her to bed with me before.

I’m thinking she will just naturally develop sleeping habits where she will get over the regression and eventually learn how to fall asleep on her own.

Am I being delusional?

Perhaps on some subconscious level, to be honest I don’t know, but the main question is what did various people do.

Anything and everything. Depending on their circs.

DS1 we sleep trained at 9 months, controlled crying, it was wonderful, worked in a night, everyone was much better for it.

DS2 has terrible eczema. Sleep training wasn't an option, we had to co sleep for the guts of 4 years and I absolutely hated it. We're only now getting on top of the sleeping because we're getting on top of the eczema.

Do what's right for you, don't worry about what anyone else is doing. Sleep training done right can be an amazing tool, equally no one's forcing you to do it, it is entirely up to you.

People do all sorts, depending on what's right for them.

Telling people not to sleep train or that they aren't natural is as bad as telling them they absolutely must sleep train.

I 'sleep trained' ds in various ways from birth.

I didnt with dd as she didn't need it.

That all changed from 18 months when she became a terrible sleeper. She was a terrible sleeper for the next 6 years because dh didn't want to st her.

It all works out in the end (mostly, as I said lots of adults have terrible sleep habits) but I know which route I found easiest

Tried many many time, actually 5 months since he was 1…he was a bad sleeper since he was born, extremely attached to me. Used to wake up 4-5 times always crying, took forever to go back to sleep. Paid for sleep consultants and was really on point with training. Gave up about a month ago. He goes to sleep in his room and always wakes up and comes to me, no chance to put him back there if I dont want hours of hysterical crying. Now i just let him sleep with me. We both have much better sleep. Dont want to go through my sleep deprivation ever again. Husband sleeps in the guest bedroom🤷🏻‍♀️

I didn't and she's always been a great napper and sleeps through the night from about 22 months. She was never a terrible sleeper so I've never been on my knees with tiredness (or at least not for long periods) so it never felt necessary. The wake ups she did do in the night were very manageable.

I used to worry about it all a lot and then around 6 months I decided to shut out all the noise of what she should be doing, what I should be doing, whatever IG wanted to make money by me doing and followed my instinct. That broadly meant never letting her cry when she was small and letting a bit of whinging happen as she got bigger.

I don't judge anyone for sleep training if they have a lunatic sleeper. She went through a phase of waking up 3-5 times a night and it was only a week or two and I was ready to sleep train, but then she just got over it on her own. I couldn't have sustained it much longer.

I do think there's a lot of pressure from people selling things on Instagram though. It feels like an American import based on their shit maternity leave. So I do judge influencers saying they're sleep training their tiny babies/advertising sleep consultants and then spending a lot of time on stories complaining about their baby not sleeping (Chessie King, I'm looking at you).

I had one sleep through at 6 weeks and another at 4.5 years. The youngest pretty much broke me. I did short spells of sleep training, it was that or walk out the house and she totally messed up my sleep pattern.

Ultimately she got there, but it was tough going. The middle was just over 1. I guess some will easily, some won't and some just need a little help to get there.

You don't have to but neither is it dreadful if you reach the point that you need to.

oh and I did nothing with my first, she would have slept on a washing line. She is also a back sleeper whilst the middle is a front sleeper so was never happy until he could consistently roll over (which was later for him)

She absolutely hated the cot too. Her day naps were in the buggy. Even if she fell asleep on me I couldn't then put her down in the cot.

Play it by ear. Get the sleep while you can. DD hit the 4 month regression and woke after no longer than 45 mins of sleep, I would feed her back to sleep, took her ages to get to sleep and then, PING! Awake after 45 minutes. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I waited til she was 6 months, She was sleep trained.

I sleep trained just before six months. I could see them go into a pattern of more frequent wake-ups even if they were fed, dry etc - seemed very much like habit. I don't care what others do but if I'm asked for my opinion it's that good sleep matters and young, growing bodies and minds need stretches of good quality, uninterrupted sleep to develop well (and with my first I saw plenty of parents of toddlers, and toddlers, who were like zombies).

You do what works right for you and your family. Your child will be fine.

They did! We never did any intervention at all. At some point feeding to sleep just no longer worked, so from then onwards DC went to sleep with a lullaby or with us just sitting next to them instead.

Personally at some point you'll want to sleep train, for me the question is, is 15 months too early or should you leave it to 2 or 3? (Answer go with your gut as to when you and the kiddo are ready) But I do wish you all the best whatever you decide to do.

This is a contradiction;
"In general, it takes fair amount of rocking to get her fall asleep for her naps or at bedtime. I never put her down drowsy but awake"

Stop putting your baby in your bed. You are just making a rod for your back.
Dont rock baby to sleep and not all babys suffer from sleep regression.

You dont have to sleep train
But teach her to self sooth. Otherwise youll have one of those kids that is 1.5 and still never slept through the night. Eek

My babies didn’t go through what I would called sleep regression until much later. At 4 months I didn’t expect them to sleep all night!

@Selinna

Lullabies and sitting next to them are an intervention

Have never done followed a specific sleep training method with DD but haven't necessarily jumped to her every whimper either. Occasionally she's just angry at us and the world and needs to have a ten minute cry before she's ready to be soothed. Other times she's just having a whinge and will go back to sleep on her own. Other times she's genuinely distressed and needs immediate attention. It's just a case of trying different things and figuring out what she needs, when.

She's pretty good on the whole - sleeps through from 8pm to about 6:30 am most nights but needs attention maybe 1 night in 5. She's 19 months now but has been this way since she gave up her night bottle at around 8-9 months with a gradual reduction in night wakings over that time.

At four months though she was pretty hideous. Grumbled and groaned all night and woke every time DH or I turned over. Was a tough time. We moved her to her own room at 5 months and it was an absolute game changer.

I didn't sleep train DS , he however was horrible sleeper, up every 45 mins at 4 months, but gradually and naturally he went longer stretches, at 4 years he slept through (from 1 year he just had 1 wake)

Never sleep trained

We always fed or rocked to sleep

Sleep was a rollercoaster for first 18 months with highs and lows but this is normal

Gently night weaned by around 22 months my DS understood what was happening as I'd been able to explain it all etc

He sleeps brilliantly now

Ridiculous

Sleep is not a learned behaviour. Not at 4 months!!

@sauceyorange

Sure it is

From a Lyndsey Hookway post on Instagram:

To all you wonderful parents holding, rocking, feeding, patting, walking, swaying, pacing and singing your little ones to sleep.
^^
It’s normal.
^^
While some babies and toddlers can drift off to sleep with minimal or no support, others quickly get upset and need your help. This is not you giving in - it’s you recognising that in this moment, they need you.
^^
You aren’t making a rod for your back, you’re using your expert parental judgment to intervene when you need to. If that’s every single sleep, then it’s still your judgment. And it’s still normal.
^^
You’re not spoiling them. You’re not denying them the chance to learn. You’re not stopping them from getting a good night’s sleep.
^^
When they wake up and need us, or can’t calm down without us, we bring our soft voices and steady heartbeat, our relaxed muscles and all that we feel for them, and we regulate their nervous system back to calm.
^^
But ‘why can’t they self soothe’, I hear some folks ask. Well, little ones just aren’t as experienced at getting calm enough for sleep, and they can sometimes quickly escalate if they sense danger. You not being around equals danger and they sometimes react by ramping up or crying.
^^
They can’t rationalise the situation in their head and work out that you’re just next door, or their needs are met, or whatever. Leaving them to ‘figure it out’ won’t actually help them realise there is no danger. They’ll probably just cry even louder. The only thing that helps is….you.
^^
It’s that hard, and that simple. You can’t sleep with your foot on the gas pedal…. and you are basically the brake.
^^
If sleep is unsustainable, or you’re hitting crisis point, then this post may not be what you need. I’m not suggesting you have to put up with something impossible because it’s normal. There are loads of ideas on my page, and in my books.
^^
But for today, and for the parents feeling judged for parenting to sleep – you’ve got this.

www.instagram.com/p/CddzFWvo3s_/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Who the fuck is lyndsey hooksay and why should I care what they think?

And how is her selling her book and Instagram any different to the sleep training industry you were criticising earlier?

Peddling the natural bollocks is as much of an industry and st is

@ShirleyPhallus is right. I sleep trained in that I had a routine from day one. I never let my kids cry. But bed time was bedtime (and their own bed, not mine) and after a few weeks of perseverance they seemed to 'get' it. They went down well and I had an evening (and overnight) with my husband.

Couldn't do it.

My friend left her six month old to cry for two and a half hours. I couldn't physically keep myself away from my baby like that.

I didn't bother, I coslept (in their beds) and it turned out fine. Before you know it they're telling you to get out and shut the door. It's gone in a flash, so do what feels right.

4 months is really early day, it's only recommended from 6 months isn't it?Remember, it's a marathon, not a race. My DS still gets up once in the night at 5, despite sleeping through frokm 6 weeks to 6 months.

We tried some gentle sleep training methods, but my two have always been terrible sleepers and it wasn't a great success. What I found worked for us was cosleeping so the wake ups were less tiring/ disruptive for me.