To not sleep train my baby?

[MD1803]

So, the internet is full of advice how to sleep train your baby.

Are there many / any people out there who never bothered and just allowed things to happen (and how did that go)?

My DD is 4 months old (in two days). We are now about two weeks in into the 4 month sleep regression. In general, it takes fair amount of rocking to get her fall asleep for her naps or at bedtime. I never put her down drowsy but awake. In fact I always wait about 20mins when she is normally in deep sleep and doesn’t wake up once I put her in her cot.

From about 2 months old until the regression started she would sleep from 9:00 and later 8:00pm to first wake up around 3:00 / 4:00 am.

Since the regression I started to take her to bed with me after her midnight / 1:00am wake up. Frankly I get better sleep that way. I never took her to bed with me before.

I’m thinking she will just naturally develop sleeping habits where she will get over the regression and eventually learn how to fall asleep on her own.

Am I being delusional?

You should do whatever you feel comfortable with. Sleeping ‘eventually’ doesn’t mean you’ll all be getting a good night’s sleep soon - ‘eventually’ could mean 6 months old, 2 years old or 6 years old. Whether or not you do traditionally sleep train, I would absolutely encourage good sleep habits in whatever way you feel comfortable with - good sleep, for the whole family, is absolutely imperative.

I know people who didn’t sleep train whose kids started sleeping well without intervention very early on, and others who are still dealing with multiple night wakings at 6-7yrs old. Some kids need different approaches.

You don't have to sleep train per se but try not create bad habits like rocking them to sleep every time, putting them in a pushchair to sleep, try to keep it a little varied that way they can kind of sleep anywhere and any how.

But at 4 months I think you do what works, don't feel like you've somehow spoilt (ruined) them because you havent. You will learn what works for you both, don't put too much pressure on yourself there is no wrong or right way. I've sleep trained and not sleep trained and both slept through the night before 1. I know people who have sleep trained and still have a bad sleepers. Each child is individual and no one method will have the same outcome. You're doing great op x

My DS is 16 months and even though I'm knackered 24/7 I would rather roll with it and know that eventually it gets better and it's not forever, than to ever sleep train and hear my baby cry. That said, your LO is still so young to even contemplate sleep training.

4 months is far too early for sleep training anyway imo. But DS cosleeps and I definitely see an improvement in his ability to get himself to sleep. I don't actually do anything to get him to sleep, just lay there, often talking quietly to H and DS gets himself comfortable and goes to sleep. They learn on their own usually I think.

Oh I love these trendy terms like regression and sleep 'training'! Our babies were put into their cots and went to sleep, no 'training' involved, it does seem that a lot of the jargon attached to such a normal thing as having a baby is there to make parents even more worried!

Well mine is over a year and still wakes every two hours but I have done a lot of reading and at some point she will learn how to go to sleep and put herself back to sleep without me doing anything. So I'm in the no way at 4 months camp!

I sleep trained both of mine (now teenagers) and its one of my biggest regrets - at the time it was just what you did, and i had no family support so was on my knees with lack of rest/sleep.

I didn't, but my daughter was never one to cry etc without reason, and her sleep naturally extended until she started to sleep through at around at 10 months.

Like allthinhs baby related, it depends on your approach, tolerance and your baby!

fyi I didn’t just leave her to cry alone in the dark either - why do people always assume this is the case 🙃

husband sat in the room reassuring her and patting her - and saying goodnight and walking out for short bursts of time and coming back for reassurance - gradually waiting another minute or so each time!

by 8 months old I could tell the difference between property upset crying and giving out crying

even now at 16 months she’ll cry when I leave the room after I put her in the cot.

I ded mine to sleep and at 4 months they were with me all the time. They would sleep in my arms/bouncy chair and then I'd take them up to bed with me. 3 out of 4 of mine coslept with me. Never had any problems.

Mine did. And I know you’re going to come at me claiming I intervened even the smallest amount, but really not the case. Fed back to sleep overnight every single time and he gradually woke less and then finally didn’t wake at all. Humans don’t need to learn to fall asleep, they do it when they’re developmentally ready to do so.

…. Worried parents fork out cash!

Like a PP said, there’s an entire industry out there telling new mums that their babies (perfectly normal!!!) sleep habits are BAD and need FIXING. And that babies will never learn to fall asleep without their “pRoVeN aNd ReSeArCh DrIvEn MaGiC mEtOhD!!!”. Fucking criminal.

Lets normalise how crap babies are at sleeping, and how eventually by doing everything that comes naturally to a mother, they will sleep. And the mother will sleep. And the mother will miss the 5am cuddles (which I’m having now long after she’s fallen asleep, even though the eldest will be awake soon because overnight calm cuddles are actually the best.)

They’re your child so you can do what you want RE sleep training.

Mine have both slept through since 8-10 months and I did gently sleep train them at that point because I couldn’t take more bed sharing, constant breast feeding…etc it was a really bad situation and none of us were getting enough sleep. That being said both my kids were different and I approached sleep training differently with them. I would never be able to just let them scream endlessly but I found that giving them 5 minutes to cry and crash when they were just really over tired and over stimulated worked wonders

I did a lite version of the Ferber method (adapted so wasn’t quite as long, but general principles the same) so I suppose I did an element of sleep training.
but at 9 months, not at 4. At 4 months you just have to roll with the punches I’m afraid!! It does get better, honestly!

for my experience, I bf mine to sleep and she would wake up once or twice in the night by 9m at the exact same time every night, have a small suckle and go off. I was confident it was just habit, she was eating 3 meals a day and lots of bf so I KNEW it wasn’t hunger. We had 1 bad night doing the leave for 1 min, 3 min, 5 for a couple of hours, but she’s slept through every night ever since and is 2.5 now! Luck? Maybe? Is she scarred and we have a terrible relationship now? Absolutely not!

you do what’s best for you, and your sanity!

Sleep training at 4 months would be ridiculous. So keep going as you are and if you need a new approach later then look at options. I never left mine to cry but did try to encourage them to sleep more independently from around 6months

Good luck

Thanks for all your comments. Yes, I didn’t really think about using controlled crying or any crying at 4 months. I couldn’t do that and can’t see how it would go anywhere.

It’s more the talk on the internet about bad habits. We do have regular bedtime, regular naps to avoid over-tiredness so I think overall we do have a good routine and create good ‘general’ habits. But the way how to get to sleep and stay asleep is always with lot of support, the support that is often described as bad habits.

However, I can’t see how she would actually sleep otherwise and I don’t feel added aggregation would help anybody, least her.

I did wonder whether the fact I started to take her to bed with me is creating a new ‘bad’ habit but if just seems to work as she gets a better sleep that way and so do I.

It’s reassuring to hear how lot of people feel about the ‘sleep training’ industry / approach.

I always rocked DD2 to sleep. She's 3 now and still needs to be rocked to sleep 😑🤦‍♀️ 😅

^^This. Im sure they do learn, eventually but if its when they are 3 you may not be able to stay the course. Either way, it's your choice and there's isn't a right answer.

With sleep always do whatever works best for you. It's not wrong to not do it, plenty if people don't. I find generally people are more judgemental of those who do sleep train. We did sleep train, I had some insomnia issues so sleep at night became important as I found day sleep impossible. It was hard and its not for everyone.

Just see how it goes. I haven't sleep trained mine, at times I've wanted to, and we did try a bit with the oldest as a toddler but she was trying to self injure and I couldn't let that happen. You might find it all sorts out very soon. You might find it doesn't in which case you can make a decision then.

My eldest started reliably sleeping through around the time she turned 3. My 2yo has slept through the night twice but normally wakes up quite a bit still. It's really hard but we have survived somehow.

@MD1803

Ah.

So really you just wanted to post to get reinforcement that you're right?

🙄

@ReeseWitherfork

Have dads been wiped from existence in your world?

What came naturally to me as a mother was teaching them how to go to sleep on their own

I had zero interest or desire for 5 am cuddles

I always operated on until 6 months I'll do what baby needs, if that's holding to sleep, sleeping on me and nothing else, sleeping on DH, in a carrier etc. and never trained.

After 6 months some form of schedule could begin as they were moving to solids, hunger becoming less of a factor for overnight waking etc. and did gentle sleep training at his 8 month regression and it worked brilliantly.

Only took 2 nights and he got used to it

Perhaps on some subconscious level, to be honest I don’t know, but the main question is what did various people do.

The internet can be a good place but also a bad place. There can be a lot of advice about what to do and what not to do but what do people actually do do and how did it work for them is a different topic.

Keeping in mind that every baby is different of course.

Your baby is tiny, honestly it's silly to try and make plans at this stage, come back when you have an 8 month old not sleeping then you'll understand why some need to train.

It's like the people who say before kids they wouldn't let them have a dummy etc. just wait until you need to decide whether to train or not before making decisions