Definitely reporting now - is 101 the right number?

[PinkStarAtNight]

I started a thread the other week about whether I should report neighbours to SS because of child screaming through the night, and other things like mum being drunk in pool and not looking after the small children, smoking weed etc

Just now I've heard really really loud bangs coming from next door. No idea what it was, kind of sounded like a window being bashed closed again and again or something heavy being smashed down on worktops. Then lots of screaming from mother - 'STOP! STOP NOW' This went on for a while. It was so loud it sounded like it was coming from our upstairs (it's a semi detached)

Then child screaming and crying, sounds like same child from the other night. She is the smallest one I think. A toddler.

Then their back door opened and the crying child was pushed outside, with mother screaming 'GET OUT NOW! GET OUT THERE!...ITS TOO MUCH EMI. TOO MUCH' Then she slammed the door shut. The other kids were outside on the swings. They are a bit older but still young. They were trying to comfort small crying child.

They were saying to mum through window 'mum I can't talk to her because she just keeps asking for the door to be opened'. The mum shouted back 'No!'

A few mins later mum opened door and growled 'get in here'. Child still crying. Then I heard her say to slightly older children 'right I'm going upstairs, sort her out and DO NOT let her upstairs because honest to god I've enough.'

All is quiet now, but I really do need to report now don't I? I am in hold to 101. Have been a while now. .

Is 101 the right number? Or now everything is quiet should it be NSPCC or SS?

I live at home with my mum. She has just got home and I've told her why I'm calling 101 and she says she doesn't want me to call because she doesn't want any trouble. She thinks the police will come here and we will be in trouble with the neighbours.

What should I do?

Oh for God’s sake, stop being so bloody wet.

Why are you scared of your mother? You’re a grown woman and you suspect a child is being abused. Stop dithering and fretting and be a bloody adult. Of course you have ‘the right’ to report it. It’s got fuck-all to do with whether your mum owns the house or not. Do you think people are only allowed to report potential crimes if their name’s on the deeds of the adjacent property? Jeez.

Thr number of people blaming a small child for these goings on is just vile and explains why victims of so many types of abuse stay silent tbh

OP it's irrelevent how 'naughty' the kid was being or what you are or are not going to 'gain' from this. The fact is you've identified patterns of behaviour that are not typical for happy, safe, family home.

The good news is that it is not your responsibility to assess to what degree these children are suffering harm or what to do about it. That's for ss and the police to do. Your duty is absolutely, however, to report it so that these professionals can do their job

Reading this thread I now totally understand why I have to endure so much child protection training in my job that feels like common sense.... because common sense apparently isn't that common...

Did you manage to report online?

Bit shocked at playing this down. Surely better safe than sorry?

You should phone the Police.

Wow, why didn’t the OP report this?? I could have this on my conscience! I may have also tried filming this incident. @PinkStarAtNight why are you so reluctant to call 999 when a child is in immediate danger?

pressed post too soon.
You have a duty of care to report what you are hearing/seeing.
Don't try and second guess anything just report it and let the Police make the decision.

I really hope you reported. Your mum doesnt need to know you did it.

Yes, other parents have said they wouldnt because of similar incidents in their house. But are those parents getting drunk in the pool so they cant look after their child and smoking weed?

Too many children have died because neighbours and visitors thought the child was being told off for being naughty. When you said you heard banging I thought of Arthur and how he died. How can you take that chance?

You could save a life by reporting.
If it does turn out that the child is misbehaving and the mum is trying to cool off, she might get help/advice to help her with this.

So you title your thread “definitely reporting now” and then claim you were just asking for opinions on whether you should?
I think it’s got yo he attention seeking, why else would you start a thread (multiple ones) about reporting someone and not doing it.

That or OP is classed as vulnerable.
Maybe she has some SEND and doesn’t fully grasp what’s right and wrong in some situations (I’m the same) and which is why she’s living at home at 25 and her mum has so much input on her life.

OP you’re obviously not going to report this incident but when it happens again don’t waste time posting on here or waiting for your mum to get home.

Just report anonymously and say you’ve walked past and heard what’s going on or say you’re the neighbour but you don’t want them to know it’s you because you’re worried about consequences.

I reported something and before I did I started a thread on here too.
Every single person agreed that I should report and I knew deep down I should have I just couldn’t believe it was actually happening and I didn’t have much info and I guess needed that MN support.

I reported within about 10 mins of my thread and I’m so glad I did as the police got involved very quickly and it ended up being the worst car scenario.

If there’s the slightest chance something could be happening then report.
If the children are fine then there’s no harm been done.
If there are any issues with the neighbours because of it then just keep logging with the police.

@PinkStarAtNight you mentioned that the dog is left outside for hours distressed, and that the children hit it. It's being abused. Also, where do you think the children have learned that hitting an animal is acceptable? From the mother, who you say doesn't reprimand them for doing it, so she thinks that behaviour is acceptable. What other abusive behaviour does she think is acceptable?

Pick up the phone, call the police ASAP, tell them everything you've seen and heard (including the animal abuse) and let them decide what action to take. You mum may have legitimate concerns about retribution from the neighbours, I understand that, but her "mind your own business" attitude is what lets abuse go unreported.

CallOnMe
I believe the OP is a vulnerable adult.
If you read the narrative ( from the neighbour) it doesn’t ring true.
Where is the OP this morning.

You do know what a duty of care is? It's within a professional capacity, not a next door neighbour capacity.

In tort law, a duty of care is a legal obligation which is imposed on an individual, requiring adherence to a standard of reasonable care while performing any acts that could foreseeably harm others. It is the first element that must be established to proceed with an action in negligence. The claimant must be able to show a duty of care imposed by law which the defendant has breached. In turn, breaching a duty may subject an individual to liability. The duty of care may be imposed by operation of law between individuals who have no current direct relationship (familial or contractual or otherwise) but eventually become related in some manner, as defined by common law (meaning case law).

People like your mum are the reason that some kids go under the radar in terms of abuse/neglect. Ignore her and report.

Contact SS/police, we’re talking about a child’s well-being here?

www.fearless.org/en/give-info

I'm pretty sure the pp meant we all have a MORAL duty of care. Never mind though. Like you say the OP is just a neighbour so has no responsibility towards this child because she isn't a professional. Never mind that she's possibly one of the few people in the world who's directly witnessed this mum's interactions with her children.... Far easier to turn a blind eye then be first in line to vilify ss/police/doctors/teachers when an innocent child suffers a horrific death

Remember, if you report this, as well as potential safeguarding required for the children, the mother may also get support for herself should she be struggling with her mental health. SS do not want to break up families, they first support mum with strategies for dealing with a difficult child or provide help for a SEN child. You won't forgive yourself if something happens so please report anonymously today.

I think you need to reassess your parenting techniques as losing your temper with young children really isn’t ever ok.

Putting yourself in another room to calm down is a good immediate solution as you recognise that the issue is with you, but if you often find yourself feeling angry then you need to look into finding support and trying to find better parenting solutions.

That’s my take on it too.

my sons doing this sort of thing atm, he was hysterical the other day because I wouldn’t let him eat a bag of crisps. I was kicked, he slammed doors, stomped so hard on the floor I thought he’d come through it. Screaming as loud as he could.

No I didn’t behave like the op describes but it’s really difficult and at least she popped the child outside with the others whilst calming down.

again what did mum do beyond screaming at the child to stop?

not nice of her to lock the child out but it sounds like she’s at the end of her tether.

Parenting is hard, we’re all human, none of us are perfect.

Shouting doesn’t always mean abuse.

Bad things happen
When good people
Do nothing.

Do something.

This. 999? I think this is better than a mother being forced to cope with a child's when she's really annoyed and ending up doing something. She actually didn't do anything wrong. Maybe a family support network should be in touch but the police? For sending a child out in the garden while she calms down? No. Things are tense. She sounds like she needs social support, not police.

I thought exactly the same thing.

@SeenYourArse exactly. I'm guessing child was playing up and the mother thought a fitting punishment was to put tantrumming child in garden, also means she gets a chance to breathe (mother) and child space to to calm down. I'm guessing once child was over the meltdown she returned to house and normally resumed.

I was an abused child, whose mum could be emotionally very abusive and also be very nice. Please report. SS I’m sure will always try to work with the family before anything drastic. My childhood was in the 80s and people knew but did nothing. Believe me, the child’s well-being is more important than your neighbour’s suspicions. It could be any neighbour who reports, she won’t know who.

Yes, absolutely

Safeguarding is EVERYONE’S responsibility. If you have concerns then report. Then it’s up to Children’s Services to investigate as they feel appropriate.

Agreed. Yes she yelled at her child?
You say the kids are in the main happy, have lots of toys & go to school - doesn’t sound like neglect to me.
What would you be actually reporting?
I’m not sure if you’re a parent or not but some kids have absolutely huge tantrums, and scream, stomp and shout over many things that aren’t in anyway serious, although it may sound that way.
I can only go by what you say you heard, but to me, it sounds like a time out was needed for parent and child - which by putting the child outside is what she did.