Definitely reporting now - is 101 the right number?

[PinkStarAtNight]

I started a thread the other week about whether I should report neighbours to SS because of child screaming through the night, and other things like mum being drunk in pool and not looking after the small children, smoking weed etc

Just now I've heard really really loud bangs coming from next door. No idea what it was, kind of sounded like a window being bashed closed again and again or something heavy being smashed down on worktops. Then lots of screaming from mother - 'STOP! STOP NOW' This went on for a while. It was so loud it sounded like it was coming from our upstairs (it's a semi detached)

Then child screaming and crying, sounds like same child from the other night. She is the smallest one I think. A toddler.

Then their back door opened and the crying child was pushed outside, with mother screaming 'GET OUT NOW! GET OUT THERE!...ITS TOO MUCH EMI. TOO MUCH' Then she slammed the door shut. The other kids were outside on the swings. They are a bit older but still young. They were trying to comfort small crying child.

They were saying to mum through window 'mum I can't talk to her because she just keeps asking for the door to be opened'. The mum shouted back 'No!'

A few mins later mum opened door and growled 'get in here'. Child still crying. Then I heard her say to slightly older children 'right I'm going upstairs, sort her out and DO NOT let her upstairs because honest to god I've enough.'

All is quiet now, but I really do need to report now don't I? I am in hold to 101. Have been a while now. .

Is 101 the right number? Or now everything is quiet should it be NSPCC or SS?

I live at home with my mum. She has just got home and I've told her why I'm calling 101 and she says she doesn't want me to call because she doesn't want any trouble. She thinks the police will come here and we will be in trouble with the neighbours.

What should I do?

It's child neglect to let them hurt the dog anyway. The dog just might turn on them. Then it will be the dog that pays the consequences.

Your mum's got half a point, you dont often get many thanks with these type of situations. Do you always tell her with as much detail? I'm thinking maybe she doesnt want to keep hearing about it if you're not acting on it.

I'm on the fence if I'm honest. She's obviously struggling and I'm not convinced a police call would help.

For the incident written about here there is no way I would be calling anyone. She shoved the kid outside to play whilst she no doubt cleaned up whatever the child had broken , and calmed herself down. Then she let the kids back in and asked the oldest to look after the for a bit when she was upstairs. She didn't even swear? What has she done wrong that everyone wants to call the police! And lots of people keep their dogs outside. This whole thread is a bit weird.

I think this also. Some children are challenging, and it sounds as though this is the case here, and the mother did the right thing by removing the child for a while. You said in one of your updates that the children are confident and seem happy, that doesn't sound like children who are abused. Rightly or wrongly, people do scream at their children, but it doesn't necessarily equate to abuse. Maybe just keep an eye on the situation.

I can't imagine that these people actually help people. Their only useful function is to protect kids from awful situations by removing them

They do help people. Children are people and removing them from abusive parents is very much helping them.

I really don't get your perspective OP. You should have reported when the mum was drunk and making her children look after babies. It's like you regret not reporting the actual abuse and want to find something else. Did you report the pool behaviour, like you were advised to on the last post?

Like your last post, this sounds like normal stuff. Mum told toddler to stop banging or breaking something, mum was ignored, mum put toddler in garden with older kids and toys? If you thought the child was being abused why did you not call 999? You got so much ott advice on the last thread, it should have been your green light. If I had any notion that a child next door was being hurt I would phone 999 immediately, right then and there, it's an emergency. Do it if you want to do it, you don't need permission from MN ffs.

If you believe that there is even a possibility that these helpless children are being mistreated then please report it to anybody that will listen. There have been too many children killed by abusers recently, Star Hobson etc. The thing is, you could be an important piece of a jigsaw that helps to save those children or even just improve their lives.

Are you the trained police officer or trained social worker assigned to this family's case? No? Then it's not your job to decide "if it's bad enough". If you hear concerning behaviour where a child could be at risk, you report it. Job done. That's all you need to do.

ring the police report a domestic incident involving a child

A child is witnessing or being abused and you are putting it on mumsnet and not ringing 999. What goes fyck is the world coming to.

what the fuck is the world coming to

A thread called DEFINITELY REPORTING NOW...only to be dissuaded by your ignorant mother. You are BOTH a disgrace.
And you OP are looking for any excuse to not pick up the phone. We all know that clean clothes, going to school, toys and the like mean nothing.
So a handful of people on MN told you they think it's just a tantrum and you so happily use that as another excuse. You said the mum sounded very aggressive when speaking/yelling at the child and she told the other (also young) kids to "sort her out", demanding not to be disturbed??
Report wherever you want - 101, 999, NSPCC or SS...But for the love of God, report somewhere! If there's no problem (unlikely) it wouldn't have been time wasted, that's their job - to be checking that children are okay and to be making a professional assessment.
And please tell them about previous incidents too or if there may be drugs involved - all pieces of the puzzle are important

Hi OP. The tone on this thread has deteriorated, I'm sorry about all the judgmental comments.

Of course you have to consider your mother's wellbeing too; she may have lived there a long time, not want to move and worry about her reputation with the neighbours. But 'don't stick your nose where it isn't wanted' IS a line of thinking that enables abuse.

And of course it's hard to judge what is going on, whether this toddler is tantrum-prone and her mother shouty, or the toddler shouts because her mother is hurting her, physically or emotionally. So you're perfectly justified to hesitate what to do.

Keeping your mum out of it henceforth sounds like a good idea. And, on the 'better safe than sorry' principle, I think you need to do something. Make contact with the neighbour and enquire, or report. While there is screaming to 999, or at a quieter time to SS/ NSPCC.

Though reporting during a screaming incident may actually be easier? As everyone involved will understand you were worried, not merely 'sticking your nose in'. Can you do it on your mobile, from your room, away from your mum?
All the best.

Don't call social services, call the police. Social services are just a slow drawn out nothing. A waste of tax payers money, even though the police will have to involve them. The mum is obviously struggling, but the children aren't to blame and need protecting. Is there a Dad? I have a screaming child next door, but never once have I heard the parents raise their voices so I know it's an issue with the child and not the bad parenting. You can't do nothing.

If a child is on immediate danger you phone 999. Always report a lot of children would still be alive if people hadn't turned a blind eye x

I called 999 when I heard really bad domestic violence from a neighbour, i was about 14 at the time. They had lots of children and I could hear them screaming and crying because their mummy was being beaten. My mum went mad when I told her I'd called the police. Different generation? No clue. Just call the police

I remember my neighbour banging on my door once when my son (ASD) had an EPIC meltdown-to be fair he did used to have these quite a bit-screaming, throwing stuff etc. I was so embarassed and I am not sure what she wanted me to do. I wouldn't have minded if she had called anyone-it wasn't me causing it! I even would have understood it, the noise he would make.

I disagree! It's 7.28am my two boys have been fighting constantly since waking up. I have shouted at them and as soon as it reaches 8am and is a reasonable time they will be going in the garden whilst I sit and have a cup of tea in peace and calm down from the morning antics. We're not super humans and anyone who says they haven't lost their temper with kids is lying!

Not RTFT but time after time there are people posting here asking whether or not to report incidents like this. It’s actually very black and white: if you think any child is at risk of harm - physical, psychological - you report it. ASAP. Don’t you watch the news??

OP, in your other thread you described a recent night when the mother and her boyfriend were outside in their pool, drunk and high on weed when the 12yo was begging her to come into the house and take care of the little ones and she ignored him. That was a 999 situation for sure.

A police officer has come onto this thread and said it’s 999 for the shouting, too.

It’s possible that many on this thread saying ‘it’s just a stressed parent’ are not aware of the pool incident and the number of recent shouting and banging incidents.

I hope you find the courage to report.

Not on mn they aren't. Plenty of people on here happy to witness stuff like that and think it's normal. Quite scary really.

Yes report op. You should have last time too.

So you title your thread “definitely reporting now” and then claim you were just asking for opinions on whether you should? Numerous people have said yes, you should. Whether there’s definitely any abuse happening is not for you or anyone on here to decide. There could be something sinister going on or it could just be a mother at the end of her tether. If something appears off then report it to the relevant authorities and they’ll investigate and check. It just looks like you’ve posted this for attention and now you’re backtracking.

Agree. My mind is blown by the number of people who shilly shally around the issue.

If you saw someone eg an elderly man or a pregnant woman or a person in a wheelchair calling for help in a public place because they were being verbally or physically assaulted, would you ignore them?

If not, why would you ignore small children who are the most vulnerable of all vulnerable people?

The sad thing is, most people would. Nowadays, people are more likely to get their phone out and take pictures/video it than they are to help. They'd just think oh someone else will report it.

I get toddlers scream, it's what they do. Even young kids will do it, to get what they want. But the loud banging (which most likely was the mum), the weed, the abuse of a dog, the leaving her toddler with her young children etc, how is that normal to these people? What else is 'normal'?

My neighbours kids scream every now and then, have tantrums etc, they slam doors now they are a bit older. But the parents don't scream back or throw them in the garden crying. Or smoke weed around them and ignore their pleas for help..

OP, why did you choose to word the title as you did?

"Definitely reporting now...". And yet, you still haven't. Why? You are still making excuses. The word "definitely" implies your mind was made up and you were going to do what you know deep down you SHOULD, and yet you're still giving excuses as to why you haven't.

There's every chance this mum is just dealing with a challenging child, but every chance also that she might not be coping. Either way, professionals need to know so that THEY can make that judgement as they can find out far more about the situation than you can. Take this pressure off yourself, report by phone OR online and let somebody who is trained deal with it. Continue to observe and be vigilant, however.