Suffering through silent treatment with OH (cause I'm fuming) and need help to either get over myself or see if the way I feel has some merit.
This may be long so please bear with me.
OH has 3 siblings. They were all in serious relationships when we met, had houses, got married and started families very close together.
S1 (sibling 1) lives abroad, 2 kids, aged 9 and 11.
S2 lives in UK, 2 kids, aged 8 and 10.
S3 lives in UK, 3 kids, aged between 4 and 10
S4 (my OH) lives in UK, we lived in rented for 5 years then bought a house and got married 3 years after latest sibling did (by this point all but one niece/nephew were born. Started trying right away, got lucky but unfortunately I MCed at 9w. Then followed a hard infertility struggle for 3 years, but eventually we managed to complete our family. Got 2 beautiful DC now, aged 6 months and 3 years, which I'm thankful for every single day!
Now to the problem:
As my OH is the youngest, is considered a "screw-up" by the others who would always plan stuff between themselves and tell us to come at a set date and time. This has always bugged me as I'm incredibly organised (eldest in my family) and want to have some input, we got lives too! After the children came along this doubled as whatever we were doing wasn't considered "important" and all had to be according to feeding, sleeping and whatever times and we should be flexible as we didn't have children.
The sibling that lives abroad visits UK every year (Covid excluded) and does the rounds to see and stay with family and friends. In the first few years of our relationship they would stay with the others as we didn't have a house (so was apparently complicated) and we would have to travel to meet up with them for a few hours.
Once we bought our house they would come and stay for a night, then go to S2 for a couple of nights or so then to S3 for a bit longer as their mother lives around that way too so could spend time with both. The excuse that was given was to spend time with their new nephews/nieces. Again this has been bugging me as felt less worth cause we didn't have children.
They have only met our eldest once and that was when we went abroad to see them.
Fast forward to this year and plan was we and S2 get a couple of nights then MiL gets one night and S3 gets 3 nights. Happy days!
Last night I find out MiL can't host as is getting some work done and has recently been abroad to see them plus can catch up with them easily while they're seeing S3 so S2 gets the extra day and night.
So new plan: we get 2 nights, and S2 and S3 get 3 nights each. Don't know if they plan to come late first night and leave early last morning, probably as has been the case every other time so we get barely longer than a day.
Excuse now is the others have children similar ages while ours are fairly young and will struggle to find things to do for the extra day. I'm LIVID!
Hence the heated discussion last night, I feel we are always getting short end of the stick and it's brought up my early loss as if that had worked out that one would be 6 soon, would that have changed things? Feels like we are always being pushed away for not being further on in life than others, but aren't we worth spending as much time with?
OH tells me it's what the reality is, it isnt a competition and it's about the kids and they'd be happier with others same age and when our DC are older we can go see them bla bla bla. But that isn't the bloody point!
For the record we all get along great when together but AIBU to feel this way. It's not a competition or anything but if it was me I would see ALL my siblings equally no matter where in life they are as that doesn't matter and would split the extra day instead!
Sorry for the rant, would welcome some outside perspective.