To admit I have a problem (please help)

[Mangolatte]

Any advice would be really appreciated!! I’ve given myself a bad habit so posting in case anyone knows of any advice to stop it and get back to normal.

I recently ended up in hospital with a bad ibs flare up. Tried fodmap and all the elimination stuff already. I stopped eating completely (7+ days with no food) because I was desperate to stop the cramps and diarrhoea and I realised by fasting I could control and even stop the IBS. All the staff in hospital were really nice to me but they were saying I needed to eat but I really didn’t want to and i promised them I would start eating normally again when I was discharged and in the safety of my own home.

Once I was discharged, I started eating again. But then I started having ibs symptoms again and I remembered when fasting stopped it, so I did it again. Then when the IBS stopped I started eating again. Ive been doing this eating-fasting back and forth thing ever since then. Sometimes I eat normally and I’m fine, then other days I don’t eat or I only eat 500 calories.

At first I started the fasting thing just to stop the IBS symptoms, but then I realised I had lost weight with it and it felt so good. Not only was I not having cramps and diarrhoea but I also lost weight which obviously I was happy about. The weird thing is I was fine with my weight before it all started and it wasn’t actually what made me fast in the first place, but once I saw I had lost weight I felt like it was an ever bigger boost. My BMI was about 20 before and now it’s probably 18.5-19 so I know I’m not fat, but I felt happier being skinnier.

Just to be clear, I don’t fast or calorie count everyday. I do eat normally sometimes and I’m fine healthwise. But I’m definitely doing it more and more now, and if I’m being totally honest it’s sometimes on days where I feel fat rather than just to control the IBS symptoms. Even on days where I don’t calorie restrict, I’m always counting the calories and I’m always checking the numbers now. I don’t have an eating disorder but I feel like I’ve given myself a bad relationship with food, which is what I was warned about happening in the hospital and I was so sure wouldn’t happen. I thought I had it all sorted and I had finally fixed my IBS by doing this fast/calorie restrict thing, but all I’ve done is get myself addicted to losing weight in the process.

When I was in hospital I fasted for too long and ended up having to drink glucose because I wasn’t well, so I wouldn’t fast that long again as I know it’s unhealthy, but I want to stop the habit altogether.

I don’t want to waste my GPs or parents/friends time with this because it’s not serious and I’m 23 so I’m old enough to sort it myself, but I want to kick this bad habit before I lose more weight or get more addicted and start doing it more often. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get back to normal again?

Thanks💓

This. OP. You have a full blown eating disorder.

• you count calories
• you worry about calories
• you worry about looking fat
• you feel guilty about being fat
• you burn off excessive calories through exercise
• you sometimes feel like you're in a bubble due to lack of calories

-you deny, deny, deny.

It doesn't matter that you started because of IBS. Every single one of those is a giant marker of an eating disorder.

See a GP.

"I feel fine and I’m not going to lose weight until I’m like superskinny I just wanted to lose a bit more until I feel happy I guess."

Op... that's what literally every single anorexia patient says. And then many of them become very very skinny because they can no longer give up. And then some of them die.

Also if you're feeling a bit of a thrill at being thought of as having an eating disorder but also worry you're not thin enough for the GP to take you seriously that's another sign of an ED in my experience.