To admit I have a problem (please help)

[Mangolatte]

Any advice would be really appreciated!! I’ve given myself a bad habit so posting in case anyone knows of any advice to stop it and get back to normal.

I recently ended up in hospital with a bad ibs flare up. Tried fodmap and all the elimination stuff already. I stopped eating completely (7+ days with no food) because I was desperate to stop the cramps and diarrhoea and I realised by fasting I could control and even stop the IBS. All the staff in hospital were really nice to me but they were saying I needed to eat but I really didn’t want to and i promised them I would start eating normally again when I was discharged and in the safety of my own home.

Once I was discharged, I started eating again. But then I started having ibs symptoms again and I remembered when fasting stopped it, so I did it again. Then when the IBS stopped I started eating again. Ive been doing this eating-fasting back and forth thing ever since then. Sometimes I eat normally and I’m fine, then other days I don’t eat or I only eat 500 calories.

At first I started the fasting thing just to stop the IBS symptoms, but then I realised I had lost weight with it and it felt so good. Not only was I not having cramps and diarrhoea but I also lost weight which obviously I was happy about. The weird thing is I was fine with my weight before it all started and it wasn’t actually what made me fast in the first place, but once I saw I had lost weight I felt like it was an ever bigger boost. My BMI was about 20 before and now it’s probably 18.5-19 so I know I’m not fat, but I felt happier being skinnier.

Just to be clear, I don’t fast or calorie count everyday. I do eat normally sometimes and I’m fine healthwise. But I’m definitely doing it more and more now, and if I’m being totally honest it’s sometimes on days where I feel fat rather than just to control the IBS symptoms. Even on days where I don’t calorie restrict, I’m always counting the calories and I’m always checking the numbers now. I don’t have an eating disorder but I feel like I’ve given myself a bad relationship with food, which is what I was warned about happening in the hospital and I was so sure wouldn’t happen. I thought I had it all sorted and I had finally fixed my IBS by doing this fast/calorie restrict thing, but all I’ve done is get myself addicted to losing weight in the process.

When I was in hospital I fasted for too long and ended up having to drink glucose because I wasn’t well, so I wouldn’t fast that long again as I know it’s unhealthy, but I want to stop the habit altogether.

I don’t want to waste my GPs or parents/friends time with this because it’s not serious and I’m 23 so I’m old enough to sort it myself, but I want to kick this bad habit before I lose more weight or get more addicted and start doing it more often. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get back to normal again?

Thanks💓

100% agree. 2 members of my family had/have anorexia and they speak EXACTLY the same way about food, their habits, their excuses, their reasoning.

I think once you get your IBS under control you'll feel better.

Food hasn't been your friend, it has caused you pain, bloating and embarrassed you at times, you've developed a serious fear of food.

It has been an enemy to you so you've taken control the only logically way to suit you.

It's terrible you've had to suffer so long.

You might need a nutritionist and will definitely need some cbt so you can see food as fuel and not trauma.

I'm a recovered anorexic who never really wanted to lose weight in the beginning.
I was never over 8 stone to start with or since, once you restrict food the need for it stops.

Pm me anytime if you want to.

Honestly I don’t want to seem like I’m ignoring or disregarding peoples comments and I really appreciate all the help thanks 💕

it’s weird because one part of me knows the way I’m eating isn’t right or normal but the other part of me says it’s fine and it’s not like my BMI is really underweight so it’s fine. It’s so confusing, I probably sound like I’m going crazy🥴

I definitely started the fasting to stop the ibs but I felt so so good when I realised I had lost weight and if I’m being totally honest I think that’s the main reason I do it now x

I can only repeat my suggestion of going private with The Gut Health Clinic. Their priority will be to get you a nutritionally balanced diet without flaring up your symptoms. If you're at a healthy weight, their goal will be to keep you there but while ensuring you're getting all of the nutrition you need. I suffered with alopecia and serious tooth decay when I had an eating disorder and it was awful. You can be slim without such a devastating impact on your appearance and health.

Call the GP you aren't wasting anyones time. I did this, for 14 years. This is how it started and it got worse and worse until all my stomach could handle was a packet of crops or a packet of sweets a day and I was so thin and so I'll that the illness got a hold of me and well it was a long road to recovery. I never calorie counted by the way it was just a gradual unconscious decline. Get help OP you are NOT bothering anyone

but I felt so so good when I realised I had lost weight and if I’m being totally honest I think that’s the main reason I do it now

That's an eating disorder symptom. Catch it quick OP. You can nip this before it becomes a huge problem that even after recovery it still impacts you and haunts your thoughts

I haven't read the whole thread because there seemed to be some people leaving some strange comments but felt o had to say something.
Are you definitely sure it is IBS? I was told I had IBS for years until I had a really bad episode and like you basically stopped eating. It turns out I have Crohns.
If I am flaring my appetite completely goes. If I do eat then I'm in pain and on the loo a lot. It took a long time for me to get my diagnosis but eventually sigmoidoscopy showed up ulcers and my bloods then showed my inflammatory markers were sky high. I had had heaps of inconclusive test before. I had been told I had IBS, I had an eating disorder, I was told I have food intolerances, I was told that I was mentally ill and craving attention from my family as lots of other things were going on at home. None of this was true. It was Crohn's, it just took a long time and many episodes of pain, "tummy trouble" weight loss before I was diagnosed.
Please go back to your GP. My last flare came on so quickly that I went from being at work and totally fine to being in intensive care with a perforated bowel in 7 days. It was only on day 6 of feeling unwell that I had managed to speak to a GP and I had to keep pushing. You aren't wasting people's time.

I've also been in the situation where even though I knew I wasn't well, I was getting compliments on my weight loss and enjoying being a bit smaller. It is not a good thing but I think that is the pressure that a lot of women put on themselves to be slimmer. I would feel happy when I had less of an appetite. It can be hard to judge if that is because I'm eating the correct foods and I'm just feeling fuller longer or I'm beginning to flare.
Even after major surgery and frankly looking like a bag of shit, I had people saying that it would be great if I kept the weight off now that I am so slim. I was so slim because I nearly died. Bizarre thing for them to be jealous of but I have lost count of the number of people who said something similar.

For goodness' sake grow up. The only paranoid and hostile person(and in the above post, childish - slinging an insult then effectively running away) in in this exchange is you.

Poor you, this sounds really tough.

I got IBS after getting dysentery in N. Africa years ago. (It lasted years) When I went vegan the IBS disappeared, which was an amazing side effect! I think it might have been due to cutting out dairy, have you tried that to help?

Hope you get the support you need and well done for looking for help.

Firstly let stop this stigmatising bullshit that you have to be a certain weight to have anorexiaor an ed.you can have one at ANY weight.just 6% of those with anorexia are actually underweight and this myths is what is keeping people sick and stopping getting help and then killing people.you can also be malnourished and die at ANY weight.hhhh yes even overweight.
You are sick enough wheb you are sick with one single thought like an ed. Well people don't do this .
you do not need to be dead to be sick enguh.
you do not need to tell us about your exercise now to make sure we no your sick enough.
You do not need to tell us how you ate so little weighed less and less.made people worry.got dizzy.you ARE sick enough.
You have an ed.
You need help.
Your stuck in a cycle now.
Can you break it on your own
Do you need support.those are the questions u need.
U do not need to focus on your ibs.that is not the problem and your ed is using it to starve you.to make u think your intolerant to some foods.
You do not need to cut out lactos or go vegan. Tbwn you will feel sudenly bettwr?again is that the food or the correlating stress.
Because magically that won't work one day and you'll have to "figure " put what food it is now? Or what snook in...or possibly were you stressed about something?
Please op.you can be sick at ANY any stage of weight or food emotional significance.it is then you are sick enough.

I probably burn 600-1000 calories a day (running +training for a competitive sport I do)

I don't understand how OP does that much exercise on any day she only ate 500 kcal. Plus how does she do so much on any day with bad IBS symptoms.

I don’t know how to answer that 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just do it. When I feel tired or funny I just keep telling myself to keep going

my sport is one of my only things in life that makes me really, really happy. I don’t do it for weight loss reasons but it’s just a benefit of it I guess

I can’t exactly just sit in the house all the time because of IBS🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s horrible having constant symptoms but it’s only IBS at the end of the day and I still need to work and go out and do sport and have a normal life. Thats literally the reason I started the fasting in the first place- I could go out without the fear of suddenly having symptoms

You need to get help. You have an addiction to sport in order to control your food intake and that's really unhealthy, you aren't just doing sport because you love it. I know because I've have the same problem. Its bigorexia, usually associated to, but in fact not just confined to weight training body building sport.
Your body actually compensates in other areas when you over exert it in sport. For example your metabolism slows, your periods stop, your hair and nails stop growing etc. So the net calorie loss you think you get is actually a lot less. Your body always aims for statis to keep working at maximum efficiency

Of course you've got a bloody eating disorder! Nothing about what you've written suggests normal healthy attitude to food and eating. Go to the doctor, be honest, prepare for the long haul.
I wish you luck.

Just wanted to post a quick update.

I decided to follow the advice on here and try and contact the gp and ask for help.

Once I actually got the phone number and went to do it, I realised I’m far too much of a wimp and I was too scared. The GP practice I go to is really nice but I just felt so scared suddenly that I was being dramatic and I shouldn’t be wasting their time with this and I just decided not to call them. The other thing was I’m worried about seeming like I’m crazy or having it on my medical notes that I’m crazy or have problems being fat.

I think it just seems so scary to admit you have a problem with something like this (I know I admitted it here but it anonymous.)

does anyone know what will happen if I do contact the GP about this? I think I’m just worried incase they think I’m crazy or attention seeking, I’ve no idea what they’ll do/say and I think I’ve just made myself all nervous and over dramatic

Aaah OP, no you need to stop over thinking this, the GP is not going to judge you or be critical of you.
I remember nearly talking myself out of going to an appointment because of similar worries (I was struggling mentally after an operation). I’m so glad I went, my GP handed me tissues as I cried and held my hand. I felt so much better just talking to them! I had been terrified they were going to think I was a drama Queen!

That’s exactly what I’m scared about too! I don’t want to seem like I’m either crazy or a drama queen😥 I think because I feel fine and I don’t really feel like I need to go, I feel like a time waster! On one hand I know it’s becoming a problem but on the other hand I’m like stop being dramatic it’s fine!

im so glad it worked out well for you 💕 thanks for all the advice, hope you’re doing better now x

I think, talking from experience, the ‘fear of time wasting’ could be a red herring. I think at the root of this is a comfort in your weight loss and knowledge that if you went to a GP, the ED flags would be up and you’d be forced to stop.

Yes there could be something in this - even if it’s subconscious.

Honestly yeah I think it’s maybe a bit of both. I’ve always been an overthinker and I hate the thought of being annoying or a timewaster so there’s definitely that but I think aswell im just too worried about what will happen if I go and deal with it.

If I think about it rationally I know it could become a problem so I’d be better to deal with it now but then the other part of me is like it’s not a problem and I’m not super super underweight or anything so I don’t want to go and cause a fuss and have the doctor think I’m crazy when I’m actually fine, it’s so confusing!

I feel fine and I’m not going to lose weight until I’m like superskinny I just wanted to lose a bit more until I feel happy I guess

sorry I’ve explained that all so badly but hopefully it makes sense, it’s so confusing!🥴

If I think about it rationally I know it could become a problem so I’d be better to deal with it now but then the other part of me is like it’s not a problem and I’m not super super underweight or anything so I don’t want to go and cause a fuss and have the doctor think I’m crazy when I’m actually fine, it’s so confusing!

It is a problem. It is a big problem.

You're not fine, you have a mental illness.

Please. Please. Please. Speak to your doctor.

Your GP will just want to help you to be well. They’re not judging you ( they haven’t got the time for a start)
I used to have IBS, for probably 20-25 years so I know how awful it is. And although you say you’ve not got an eating disorder but eating disorders aren’t just about putting food into yourself —- they’re about the way eating makes you feel, how you judge yourself for what you’ve eaten.
Please see your GP, they’re there to help, it’s why they do their job.
A fresh pair of eyes on the problem could be a real benefit and wouldn’t it be great if you did get help with the IBS and felt better?

Eating disorders, especially those that restrict calorie intake, kill people. Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental health issue. I know you aren't ready to call this an eating disorder yet, but it really is and an eating disorder can escalate into something very serious. Every single thing you've said makes it abundantly clear.
Imagine it wasn't a mental health illness we were talking about, but a physical one. If you were 'just a bit' short of breath or found 'just a small lump' would you worry about wasting the GPs time? No you'd go knowing that early prevention is super important and that the GP would appreciate that. The same applies here.
Please treat your brain as well as you would your body.

Your eating disorder will keep creating excuses not to go to the GP. Not serious enough, might be seen as crazy, not low enough BMI, not enough weightloss yet, not serious enough...

It's not "so confusing": it's just a tedious ED and it's million excuses for those of us who have lived with one.

Get help now. Anything else is your ED winning.