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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I choose not to smoke so why should I suffer!

106 replies

Mummywheel · 17/01/2008 17:02

Have had new neighbours for the last 6 months. She smokes not in the house but at her back door which is right next to ours. If my back door is open then of course the smoke blows into my house and also into ds bedroom if his window is open. Surely I should be able to open my door or window for fresh air. It's now starting to drive me mad, Do's anyone have any advice? Maybe I'm being too much of a coward and should speak to her about it.

OP posts:
leedslassy · 17/01/2008 17:04

With you on this one hun but have no advice yet as I am in same predicament. If our bedroom window is open and next doors is too my bedroom stinks as they obviously smoke in their bedroom. many times in summer I have had to sweat to death whilst I would love to have fresh air in the room.

LoveAngel · 17/01/2008 17:05

Oh blimey, I have had the odd sneaky fag out the back and I am a new neighbour! You're not my neighbour are you mummywheel? If so, I apologise and won't do it again! eek

Desiderata · 17/01/2008 17:08

I'm sorry, but you simply cannot ask a grown adult to not smoke in their own back yard.

lazarou · 17/01/2008 17:08

When our neighbours have bbqs the smoke blows straight into our house, it is extremely annoying. Apart from a fan at the window that you can put on each time she has a ciggie I don't know what will work.

HonoriaGlossop · 17/01/2008 17:08

we have smoke coming actually into our house from next door even with all windows shut. Think it's coming through the skirting board or floorboards....

so I totally sympathise with you. It makes me burning mad to have to smoke other people's smoke in my own home.

We have to ventilate like mad. Hence this winter has seen us sitting in the house with the windows wide open and the heating on full blast

CoteDAzur · 17/01/2008 17:08

How often? If it's several times a day, YABU. If it's every ten minutes, you need to talk to her.

Could you maybe ask her to take a few steps away from your door when she smokes? And/or to close your door if it's open?

Joash · 17/01/2008 17:08

GO round and explain where her smoke is going and ask if sh can go somewhere else - nicely of course. She probably doesn't even realise that its a problem.

LoveAngel · 17/01/2008 17:11

If you are my neighbour, please don't grass me up to y hubby! he he

Original poster
Mummywheel · 17/01/2008 17:11

Dear Loveangel I don't think so as my neighbour doesn't have the odd sneaky fag. For instance yesterday I left my back door open to let in fresh air (chance would be a fine thing) while I cleaned the kitchen and in that space I had to shut the door about 3 times due to smoke in 45 minutes.

OP posts:
harleyd · 17/01/2008 17:12

sorry, but yabu

either speak to her or close your door
but if my next door neighbour complained because i was smoking in my own back garden i would tell her to wind her neck in

niceglasses · 17/01/2008 17:14

Madness. Really. Its her garden. Shes not out there all day - it'll blow in the wind. If you can't smoke in your own garden where do you expect pple to smoke?

I really really think it has swung far far to far the other way. And I don't smoke.

CoteDAzur · 17/01/2008 17:15

Ask her to close your door before she lights up and then open it when she is done.

Peachy · 17/01/2008 17:20

I can't see why it would be madness for her to ask- it may be that neighbour simply has to mover her seat three steps to the left out of a draught. Asking is fine.

You can't force but.... saying that..... saw a thing on the local newws that environmental health were prosecuting a case just like this actually (don't know outcome)

but whilst that may be a bit much, why on earth shouldn't you just ask?

bramblebooks · 17/01/2008 17:22

might be in trouble, but think yanbu - and she probably doesn't realise. Some back doors, etc are close together and it can be a real problem. So have her over for a cuppa and chocolate and approach it nicely.

If it happened to me it'd set off all sorts of allergies in our house (asthma, etc) so I'd have to tackle it.

2shoes · 17/01/2008 17:25

with harley on this one. her garden what she does in it is up to her.

southeastastra · 17/01/2008 17:26

yabu she's not psychic if it bothers you tell her

FarcicalAlienQueen · 17/01/2008 17:27

god if someone told me I couldn't smoke at my back door I'd be furious!

Perhaps they'd rather I smoke in my house........where my DC are????

BraceYourselfMavis · 17/01/2008 17:27

Nothing wrong with having a friendly, neighbourly chat, and asking her to move along a bit, so you don't get the smoke in your house.

I would move if I was still a smoker, and was asked.

Not a big deal.

VictorianSqualor · 17/01/2008 17:28

Those saying YABU are mainly smokers I assume? Because when you smoke you cant actually smell what non-smokers can, When I smoked I never thoguht about it, but as soon as I quit the smell started to drive me barmy.
I think you should speak to her nicely about it, she may not realise, she may not mind, but if she is hangng out of her backdoor when it's pissing down dont expect her to get wet for your benefit, however if it's a nice day she may be prepared to move for you.

niceglasses · 17/01/2008 17:29

I don't smoke, never have, still think its unreasonable. Its her house. Of course she can ask.

Peachy · 17/01/2008 17:39

Yeah but isn't there a big difference between telling someone that they can't do something, and a friendly 'by the way, dont think your realised' chat?

loopylou6 · 17/01/2008 17:54

MW i can see your point really i can but it is a very diffult one, im a backdoor smoker myself (so as not to pollute my children) so i can understand why ur neighbour smokes outside, i cans ee also see your annoyance coz if u dont smoke yourself then why shhould u inhale someone elses, the others are right, u cant tell her not to smoke in her own garden, but u could explain your predicament to her and hope that she is a decent person who listens to u and trys to recify the situation

loopylou6 · 17/01/2008 17:55

and who ever manages to read my post and understand it deserves a medal

niceglasses · 17/01/2008 18:04

Yes of course, and I don't think the OP would go in all guns - that wouldn't work.

Still, for me, I have to say, I don't think I would even ask however polite - its her house, she can smoke where she likes.I really think things have gone too far. Not allowed to smoke in the car.....

There are lots of wee things that bug me about my neighbours but on the whole they are fab...I guess my philosophy is you have to allow for little things. They probably do it for me and my noisy kids. Its part of rubbing along.

Thats just me tho - of course she can ask politely and she will probably get a good response.

Really tho, I am probably odd.

jalopy · 17/01/2008 18:06

Put a smoke alarm right by the back door. That should do the trick