I choose not to smoke so why should I suffer!

[Mummywheel]

Have had new neighbours for the last 6 months. She smokes not in the house but at her back door which is right next to ours. If my back door is open then of course the smoke blows into my house and also into ds bedroom if his window is open. Surely I should be able to open my door or window for fresh air. It's now starting to drive me mad, Do's anyone have any advice? Maybe I'm being too much of a coward and should speak to her about it.

desi you are making me larf alot tonight

Hmmm ... it's got to be the cigs, surely?

Hi, Cat We need another one of those silly threads soon.

Message withdrawn

just was out for a smoke at the back doorstep
neighbour was in the garden, j says i, do you smell my ciggy smoke in yer house of an evening
nah says she, turning round with her regal ks hanging from her mouth
its all good in my street

I just asked my neighbour too, harley.

But she was too busy butchering her husband's body into a thousand little pieces to pay too much mind

lol
that happens a lot here too desi
but we tend to turn a blind eye to little things like that

I can't imagine my neighbour giveing a shit. she has enough to do stopping her dd putting fag ends in her plant pots.

FAQ, I assume Mummywheel has children too, in which case her neighbour is blowing smoke in where her(mummywheel's) DC are, which is equally wrong. All her neighbour need do is move elsewhere in the garden.

soz but if its pissing out of the heavens im standing firm on my back doorstep
she can shut her door

why would thay have their door open in the rain?

makes me want to start again just so i can be in the in-crowd

I'd love to join you but I'm just getting over tonsillitis so I don't think it's a good idea.

Plus I must say, I can run much further since stopping.

Well I say I've stopped, put me in a group of girlfriends with wine/G&T and I will light up.

mummywheel - I hand my head in shame and admit that I am a smoker so that I can give you my personal reaction if you were my neighbour! I think that your neighbour may well be totally oblivious to the fact that her smoke is coming into your house and I don't think you're being unreasonable for being upset about it. Fag smoke does stink to high heaven after all and it is full of toxins. If I was your smoking neighbour I would feel bad that my smoking habit had bothered you and I would rather you told me than staying in your house stewing over it. As I'm smoking outside (theoretically) I obviously find smoke in the house offensive (or someone in my house does) so I should be understanding. However, I think you would need to be careful about HOW you told the smoking neighbour that her smoking is offending you. If you go out all guns blazing she will feel threatened and no matter if ahe thinks you're right or not she will probably get on the defensive AND smoke more often making damned sure it comes into your house. So i'd tread lightly! Explain yourself and ask if she wouldn't mind going further up the garden. You could perhaps do it over a cup of tea! You may even find a friendship grows out of it. Having said all of this, she may be a total cow and you'll have a feud on your hands no matter how you go about it!

i would just have a quick chat with her saying 'i don't know if you realise, but .... and as you might not know me and my family don't smoke so it makes quite a noticable smell. would it be really horrible to ask if when my back door/bedroom windows are open you move a bit further up the garden?'

obviously this is a nicey nice way and shouldnt get her back up.

i am personally a smoker but have asked my neighbors if it is a problem, and it never has been. but some people dont have the same empathy to realise how it effects other people!

the other thing about approaching it that way is that when its raining/really windy/ really cold she has the option of staying close to her back door knowing it isn't going to start a row because your doors/windows shall be closed!

I may be able to help here

I smoke outside, and last summer my neighbour made a comment about always knowing when I as outside because the smoke would waft over the fence. The way in which he said it, friendly but with obvious purpose, made me realise this wasnt just an observation on his part. I immediately apologised, asked if it was a problem to which he responded that sometimes it did come in his window. I had never even thought about this before and no offence on my part was taken, I think 'back door' smokers are conscious enough about the effects their habit has on others. I'm now a front door smoker, along with several other people in the street!

So what are you going to do, mummywheel?

One of the problems with many smokers is that they always divert their smoke away from themselves and towards other people. Hold thier cigarettes way from themselves and right nder somne else's nose, waft it away from themselves and at someone else.

"god if someone told me I couldn't smoke at my back door I'd be furious!

Perhaps they'd rather I smoke in my house........where my DC are???? "

WEll, her dc would be breathing second hand smoke, so why should wheely's dc have to breathe second hand smoke instead? It's hard - but if you think she ouwld be receptive, I would mention it to her in a polite way - she can agree or ignore. If you think she's likely to go mad - as some MN-ers clearly would, then probably don't ask. But I'm not sure why anyone should 'go mad' at any polite request - as long as the refusal was greeted grasciously!

But my perspective is as someone who was brought up in a time when no-one would ever have lit a bonfire when a neighbour's washing was out!

I remember when I was young if you were going to light a BBQ you would look up and down your row to see if anyones washing was out and then go knock on their door to let them know. (well, my mum would look and then send me knocking)

Same went with people having parties, you'd forwarn your neighbours it might be noisy that night, I was pleasantly surprised when a neighbour told me about her daughters upcoming 13th birthday party, but she never told me if they were going to have a BBQ.

I think it's all down to common courtesy really, if you're doing something, in your house/on your land then being aware of your neighbours is the decent thing to do surely??

Also they can't complain if you've warned them about the party when it gets loud

Yeah, they might have asked you before the lighted a bonfire. They didn't ask you before they lit a cigarette in the pub though.

I can walk away from a cigarette, my washing can't move away from a bonfire

Exactly you can walk away from a ciggie.

And yes, I would always ask before starting a bonfire [in my postage stamp sized backyard]

I totally sympathise with you as I've got the same problem with my neighbour.
She is a heavy smoker, stays home all day and could smoke on her roof terrace, but mostly chooses to stay inside while smoking.
Her smoke comes into our house through the pipes underneath the sink and in my daugthers bedroom, it stink!!!
Even our main entrance sinks of smoke & I open the front door to ventilate my house.
I would try & talk to them about it.