Son in missing, don’t know what to do

[RoversMakeover]

Long back story but my son (21) has gone missing. He’s recently come out of prison and was staying in an approved premises (think bail hostel). They allowed him to have a trip to his home town yesterday on the understanding that he’d be back at the premises by 9pm. I was with him until 4pm - he seemed fine and told me he had his train back all planned etc. He then went to meet a friend - nobody has heard from either of them since. He never went back to the hostel last night, his phone has been switched off since 7pm and his mates phone has also been off since then.

He has history of self harm and suicide attempts. Hospitals have been searched, police have confirmed he is not in their custody … so what?

IMO only options are:

they have gone on the run together
he got drunk and is passed out somewhere
he got injured/worse and is lying somewhere.

not really an AIBU but I don’t know what to do. I guess the police will come and search my house … just needed to offload really, got nobody to talk to and I’m worried sick

Op this sounds so hard to go through. I am glad your d's has been found and you know where he is.

Really glad that however bad things are, they aren't at least as bad as you feared. I hope you can catch your breath a little and find some peace.

Glad you found him just about in one piece

Please be wary those suggesting OP takes pictures and "finds out the truth" .

The fact that he's in an approved premises means he's likely to pose a high or very high risk of harm to others. The fact that he's not in her home with a curfew means he might be a danger to her. Approved premises places are rare and saved for the most risky.

Add in that he's, minimally, had an alcohol binge, maybe drugs too could increase his risk of reoffonding and place her at risk if she starts demanding answers.

OP he's back, he's injured. The probation service will likely assess whether he's the victim of a crime and give him a warning for breaking his curfew or if they think he did something concerning in terms of him being a risk they may revoke his licence and recall him to prison.

The fact that they're waiting for his probation officer to return and haven't done an emergency out of hours recall is a positive in terms of his chances of keeping his liberty.

Stay safe and look after yourself.

Why do people want to know why he's in prison etc.? This is OP's son and she was worried about him. She posted for support.
It's very sad to see one of your children get into a mess and very upsetting that he has been beaten up.
He's back at the bail hostel which is a relief and I guess OP doesn't have much say in any police investigation etc. so I'm not sure how your further comments and questions are helping.
If he does have a drink problem OP you might find Al anon supportive for yourself.

If OP wanted you to know, or thought it was relevant, she would have told you the first time you asked.

He sounds really vulnerable, hopefully probation will support him adjusting and making new circles

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. At least he is back now, and hopefully okay. Take care.

My son is 21 and missing too. The police will help. People don’t have to have been missing for a certain amount of time. Also contact www.missingpeople.org.uk/
I’m thinking of you. The pain is unreal isn’t it

I just saw the update sorry OP! I’m so glad he’s found

Hi RoversMakeover,

Thank you so much for getting back and letting us know your son is now " safe".
That.must be a huge relief, even if there are more hurdles around the corner, and I wish you strength for those.

Actually it could be.

If he was deep into drug dealing etc he could owe money, be owed money etc and the creditors/debtors were warning him.

He could be very violent and this was a revenge attack for what he was sent down for. Or he became violent and got a kicking by whoever he kicked off at.

I think we can safely assume it wasnt for non payment of council tax.....

What an absolute nightmare for you! Sending hugs and I really hope he sorts himself out soon. xx

I'm glad he's back. Perhaps he will keep his head down for a while now and enjoy being free.

I’m so sorry to hear this, how are you? How long has he been missing? I truly hope he is found safe and well, the non knowing is unbearable I know. Thinking of you x

Thanks everyone for the continued support.

unfortunately his story isn’t adding up and I believe there maybe more to it. Seems he has learnt nothing from his two years inside and it’s likely he’ll be going back in. I’m so fed up. He was doing so well and then once he’s back with his mates in familiar surroundings he goes straight back to the way he was. I don’t think I can help him anymore, not until he starts to help himself.

Im not going to say why he was sentenced to whoever keeps asking.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much heartache @RoversMakeover.

I'm so sorry Rovers. It's not an uncommon story, for various reasons I won't expand on here (because it's not the right time or place) but regardless I do hope you have some support in place for you. It is so very hard to watch your children make bad choices.

Horrendous for you - best thing is he relocates away from old haunts and 'friend I do hope things improve for you.

I’m so sorry OP that you are going through this. I have been through similar experiences with my son and it is horrible because they make bad choices and you suffer the consequences. My son never went to prison but it is a miracle that he didn’t because he has come so close to it. I really feel for you and I hope your son manages to turn his life around.