Son in missing, don’t know what to do

[RoversMakeover]

Long back story but my son (21) has gone missing. He’s recently come out of prison and was staying in an approved premises (think bail hostel). They allowed him to have a trip to his home town yesterday on the understanding that he’d be back at the premises by 9pm. I was with him until 4pm - he seemed fine and told me he had his train back all planned etc. He then went to meet a friend - nobody has heard from either of them since. He never went back to the hostel last night, his phone has been switched off since 7pm and his mates phone has also been off since then.

He has history of self harm and suicide attempts. Hospitals have been searched, police have confirmed he is not in their custody … so what?

IMO only options are:

they have gone on the run together
he got drunk and is passed out somewhere
he got injured/worse and is lying somewhere.

not really an AIBU but I don’t know what to do. I guess the police will come and search my house … just needed to offload really, got nobody to talk to and I’m worried sick

I'm sorry that you are going through this.

If you are really concerned about his safety or that something may have happened to him then I would recommend calling the missing persons unit (or whoever is dealing with the matter) and making it very clear that you are concerned and why, giving as much detail as possible. They have a responsibility to look for him but will risk assess it and if they don't know the full picture he may be classed as lower risk than he actually is.

I hope he is found soon.

Sorry to hear this. I hope he's found safe and well, soon.

Oh goodness. How worrying. Especially as he's already vulnerable.

It's perfectly feasible that his friends have blocked you to protect your ds.

A mother's imagination doesn't help her. So sorry @RoversMakeover

Hope he is ok

I hope he turns up soon it must be such a worry.

This.
About 15 yrs ago, living in a city where there was a Prison, you'd see people fresh out, trying to sell their prison shirts {Blue striped} and then they's get as smashed as possible on heroin or alcohol.

A lot of addicts overdosed due to falling tolerance inside.
Hopefully your son will turn up, I agree that two lads missing is less worrying than one, but {no experience of bail hostels} surely the hostel will be used to this sort of thing happening?

It must be a horrible worry, hope he turns up safely, and eventually turns his life around.
It is possible.

Offering a hug and hand hold too 💐

Sorry you’re going through this. Reading whilst on the move so apologies f you’ve already said you’ve done this. have you reported it to the police? I can understand you don’t want to get him in trouble but they’ll have better resources and at least once they locate him you’ll be able to have some peace of mind. Hope you find him soon x

Just another wanting to add that they're sorry you're going through this and hope he turns up soon.

Do you know what this means for him when he does turn up? Eg will he have to go back to prison? Do they get "1 chance" so now he has to stay squeaky clean on everything? Will it mean he can't visit you again if he is allowed to stay out? Etc.

Bit of an off-chance but (admittedly many years ago) when I worked with young offenders we had an 18 year old the police swore was missing but he was actually back in prison - he'd been taken back within a few hours of breaching his bail conditions, dropped off, went inside, had breakfast. Apparently there's some sort of "registration" number offenders have and if its not recorded properly they are just off all the registers and don't show up as physically being anywhere. The police didn't record it as he'd been returned to the prison. Does he have a probation officer you could talk to?

I would have felt option 2 would be the most likely until you said this.
I can't see his mate doing him in, but it would depend why your son was in jail and why he wasn't allowed to come straight back to his home town.
I really hope you get some news soon OP. You must be beside yourself with worry :(

Hope you hear something soon

I am so you're going through this

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have two sons the same age and I would be losing my mind.

I’m guessing from the lack of updates he’s turned up.

I'm so sorry you are having all this worry. He may have met the friend and they got drunk together. He may not be able to charge his phone. Have you tried underpasses, train stations, bus stations as drunks often go to these places.

Thank you so much everyone that has replied to this, I’ve just got home.
He was drinking, something happened and he ended up getting beaten up and robbed. The story doesn’t make a lot of sense but he’s black and blue and missing everything that was worth anything including his shoes.

I took him back to the premises and have no idea what happens next. They said it will be down to probation officer but she’s on leave until Monday.

Im just glad he’s ok(ish) and that he’s back there. Thanks again everyone

Sorry to hear he's been beaten and robbed. I'm glad he's safe now. Could the people who beat and robbed he linked to the friends who went offline?

Thank god he’s back. I know he’s hurt but you must be so relieved.

Glad he's turned up and he's safe.

You must feel like you've been through the wringer, I hope you are okay.

Glad you have him back, OP.

I hope this is the final setback and that he can come back stronger from his troubles.

Take care

Oh what a nightmare for you!

I agree with all the previous posters who wrote about ‘growing up’.
It can be a long drawn out process for many young men.
Our society can be so difficult to navigate.

Hoping you can relax a little now and that your son is able to access some help from professionals x

It's so tough being a parent. Be kind to yourself Op

You'll be exhausted after the shock and stress so be kind to yourself

Oh bloody hell, that’s horrible. What the hell is wrong with people?
Hopefully he won’t be in trouble as an “absconded” as it was beyond his control.