Son in missing, don’t know what to do

[RoversMakeover]

Long back story but my son (21) has gone missing. He’s recently come out of prison and was staying in an approved premises (think bail hostel). They allowed him to have a trip to his home town yesterday on the understanding that he’d be back at the premises by 9pm. I was with him until 4pm - he seemed fine and told me he had his train back all planned etc. He then went to meet a friend - nobody has heard from either of them since. He never went back to the hostel last night, his phone has been switched off since 7pm and his mates phone has also been off since then.

He has history of self harm and suicide attempts. Hospitals have been searched, police have confirmed he is not in their custody … so what?

IMO only options are:

they have gone on the run together
he got drunk and is passed out somewhere
he got injured/worse and is lying somewhere.

not really an AIBU but I don’t know what to do. I guess the police will come and search my house … just needed to offload really, got nobody to talk to and I’m worried sick

I hope you find him safe and well soon.

Is there any news yet, OP?
Will be thinking of you today, and hoping that you hear from him very soon

No advice I’m afraid, horribly worrying for you . Hope he has just gone on a bender with his mate stupid as that would have been

Have you heard anything yet @RoversMakeover or have you rung the police again if you have had no return call from them?

Sending a handhold to you.

If he's at an approved premises he's high risk of serious harm to others, they are not bail hostels. He is likely to be recalled to prison for this.
He would've had a curfew last night and when he missed that, thought oh well may as well make the most of it. Knowing he's likely to be returned to custody.
Are drink and drugs an issue OP?
Call his probation officer and tell them the names of any friends you think are a threat of physical violence to him.

if his group are that type the friend on Facebook will have other Facebook profiles they all do depending on what and who they are trying to mug off so to speak. Often one with maybe 30 friends and one with over 1,000. Try checking from someone else’s profile and have a good snoop though the friends list. But it’s likely his got upto something dodgy and decided fuck it.

I really feel for you OP as I have a son who has disappeared for days on end. In his case I have never really got the truth out of him as to where he was but I have always assumed he was on a bender somewhere. His excuse was that he had lost his phone or it ran out of battery and he couldn't charge it. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that he is found soon.

I hope he turns up shortly OP. How stressful for you. I agree with pps that the most likely scenario is too much alcohol. Also agree that he is likely to be recalled to prison. He needs to mature and get out of this “friendship” group, for his life to get better, as I am sure you realise - you must have gone through hell over this. Hope you have support around you.

I’m sorry OP it must be incredibly stressful.. I’m sure the most likely explanation is that he’s sleeping it off somewhere or has woken up, realised he’s royally effed up, and doesn’t want to face the music. I hope you have news soon.

I hope he turns up soon and I hope he’s ok. We never stop worrying about our kids what ever trouble they have been in.

The friends behaviours are odd hope you hear somethimg soon

You poor thing OP, I can’t imagine how worried sick you are. You must have been through a lot with him already x

Thank you so much for your kind words. When you’re going through it it’s as though every minute lasts an hour. There is a bit of mopping up to do but we are doing well x

I think mostly in this situation it's a case of he's got back in touch with an old friend and they have both no doubt drank too much and not giving a second thought about anything else. I understand you will be worried as would I be and I hope you get word soon he's sobered up and is ready to face the music.

He's a 21yo man who just had his first bit of freedom in a while. My guess is he either met a girl and has spent the night at hers. He'll go back to the approved premises today.
Or he got drunk and is sleeping it off somewhere before going back to approved premises

Try not to worry OP, I bet he turns up by Sunday afternoon.

This must be so difficult. But there are multiple options

1. he has deliberately done something and turned his phone off deliberately


2. above but phone has been lost: battery low etc


3. he is Ill either through alcohol, drugs or something else

and so on either through his choices.

the fact he is not in police custody or hospital means it is a sit and wait

not fair on you but this is not on you - I hope you know soon

oh what a worry - hope all is ok

any news op?

cannot imagine how worried you are

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Fingers crossed for good news soon!

I hope he is found soon op

Hopefully he'll wake up soon and get in touch.

Might he have been recalled? Some people are released with that possibility, depends on the licence. If so you could ring the relevant probation office and speak to his PO. That would explain no answer on his phone (switched off and in a clear plastic bag at the HMP reception. Either way, speaking to his PO might be helpful. You could suggest names of other people he might associating with, to make it easier to locate him.

Hope he turns up soon

I'm so sorry, OP. You must be going out of your mind.

I really hope you hear from him soon.