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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Things you consider bad manners that others don’t

1000 replies

Novasmum · 13/07/2022 17:13

Inspired by an experience earlier today of having to listen to a man whistle for 10 minutes in GP waiting room.

Not only is it annoying but I do think it’s bad manners but I know other people wouldn’t class whistling as bad manners.

what’s yours?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 18/07/2022 14:24

Well of course you can ASK but the likelihood of full engagement and a difinitive answer is unlikely. So corrected, it's a pointless but not impossible endeavour.

Surely you aren't closing it without getting full informed consent from others on the bus, how rude @SirChenjins . Disgraceful.

SirChenjins · 18/07/2022 14:32

Oh no, of course not - you open it, I'll close it, you'll open it, I'll close it...and at some point we'll come to stalemate and I will ask for a full show of hands. Or ayes to the right of the bus, nos to the left. I'll see how the mood takes me as to which voting system I decide to use.

ReneBumsWombats · 18/07/2022 14:35

SirChenjins · 18/07/2022 14:32

Oh no, of course not - you open it, I'll close it, you'll open it, I'll close it...and at some point we'll come to stalemate and I will ask for a full show of hands. Or ayes to the right of the bus, nos to the left. I'll see how the mood takes me as to which voting system I decide to use.

Sounds like a Monty Python sketch.

SirChenjins · 18/07/2022 14:36

If nothing else, it will liven up the bus journey and provide TikTok fodder Grin

woodhill · 18/07/2022 15:40

Or the Righteous brothers Sketch

woodhill · 18/07/2022 15:42

I mean self righteous

Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse

SirChenjins · 18/07/2022 15:43

Nah, Monty Python.

Lunificent · 18/07/2022 15:44

Turning up to things very early. My friend thinks she’s doing this because lateness is rude. She’s really doing it because she’s a bundle of anxiety.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 18/07/2022 15:46

Except none of that happens in real life.

In real life…

Person A sits there uncomfortable because the window’s closed.

Eventually Person A gets up and says, perfunctorily, to the person right next to the window – who we’ll call Person B – “Don’t mind if I open the window, do you?”

Person B shrugs.

Person A opens the window.

Person C, one down from the window, harrumphs loudly.

Person A ignores Person C.

Person C exchanges eyerolls with Person D, who’s sitting opposite the window.

Person A gets off at the stop after next.

Person C gets up and says to Person B, “Don’t mind if I close this again, do you?”

Person B shrugs. Person B is sublimely unengaged in the issue, despite being the one whose permission is repeatedly sought.

Person C closes the window, and looks to Person D for approval.

Person D, sensing there’s a requirement to contribute, says, “Some people, eh?”

Person C feels vindicated. “Oh, I know…”

Person C gets off at the stop after next.

Person E gets on, and sits where Person C was.

Person E gets up and says to Person B, “Don’t mind if open the window, do you?”

Person B shrugs.

Person E glances at Person D. “Alright with you?”

Person D, never one to foster rebellion, shrugs and says, “Fine by me.”

@SirChenjins, who has been observing from further down the carriage, strides forward and says, “My God, this is absolute anarchy. What we need is a proper process. Now, pay attention, you people. I shall be issuing cards.”

Persons B, C, D and E get off at the next stop and share an Uber.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/07/2022 15:46

SirChenjins · 18/07/2022 14:32

Oh no, of course not - you open it, I'll close it, you'll open it, I'll close it...and at some point we'll come to stalemate and I will ask for a full show of hands. Or ayes to the right of the bus, nos to the left. I'll see how the mood takes me as to which voting system I decide to use.

I did see a video of that happening - the opening and closing. In the end I think he'd got him hand blocking it open and she was trying to close it on his hand. Of course no one intervened, they just recorded it for SM 😂

feistyoneyouare · 18/07/2022 15:50

Not answering when someone speaks.
Interrupting - everyone seems to do it these days, and it does my head in.
Yawning without putting hand over mouth.
Waiters/waitresses asking 'Have you finished?' (They should be able to tell that from looking at how the cutlery's arranged on someone's plate, plus it often seems to be a pass-ag way of saying 'Hurry up and finish'.)
Going to someone's house and expecting a 'tour'.
Turning up on someone's doorstep with no warning.
Asking visitors to take their shoes off.

feistyoneyouare · 18/07/2022 15:52

Oh, and walking out of a room while someone's still talking, which my DH does all the time and it drives me mad.

SirChenjins · 18/07/2022 15:52

WalkingOnTheCracks · 18/07/2022 15:46

Except none of that happens in real life.

In real life…

Person A sits there uncomfortable because the window’s closed.

Eventually Person A gets up and says, perfunctorily, to the person right next to the window – who we’ll call Person B – “Don’t mind if I open the window, do you?”

Person B shrugs.

Person A opens the window.

Person C, one down from the window, harrumphs loudly.

Person A ignores Person C.

Person C exchanges eyerolls with Person D, who’s sitting opposite the window.

Person A gets off at the stop after next.

Person C gets up and says to Person B, “Don’t mind if I close this again, do you?”

Person B shrugs. Person B is sublimely unengaged in the issue, despite being the one whose permission is repeatedly sought.

Person C closes the window, and looks to Person D for approval.

Person D, sensing there’s a requirement to contribute, says, “Some people, eh?”

Person C feels vindicated. “Oh, I know…”

Person C gets off at the stop after next.

Person E gets on, and sits where Person C was.

Person E gets up and says to Person B, “Don’t mind if open the window, do you?”

Person B shrugs.

Person E glances at Person D. “Alright with you?”

Person D, never one to foster rebellion, shrugs and says, “Fine by me.”

@SirChenjins, who has been observing from further down the carriage, strides forward and says, “My God, this is absolute anarchy. What we need is a proper process. Now, pay attention, you people. I shall be issuing cards.”

Persons B, C, D and E get off at the next stop and share an Uber.

No she doesn't - she's person F who's too busy on Mumsnet to give fuck.

I saw that too @SleepingStandingUp Grin

Enko · 18/07/2022 18:39

I haven't read the entire thread.

I am Scandinavian and I loathe people wearing shoes in my house it is just not the done thing. I grew up arriving at people's houses and it was just expected to remove shoes as you entered. The first few times I saw people just walk in on the carpet in British homes I was actually rather shocked. I still find it rather grim 30 + years on in the UK.

Not saying thank you for dinner after being fed at someone's house. I don't get it if they feed you. Say thank you. They put time and effort and money into this the least you can do is say " thank you/that was nice/ I appreciate it"

Burping/ farting and laughing this is so grim. Apologise and leave it there. Do NOT give me the better in than out comment as you will learn just what I think about that happening in my home. (As some of my children's friends quickly learned when they tried this)

Robinni · 19/07/2022 22:13

Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 13/07/2022 22:55

alot of us were not brought up with 6 different kinds of knives and forks so your annoyance at this seems harsh. I hate people rearranging plans last minute but some times it can’t be helped. Obviously if they are just being obnoxious pricks then fair enough..

@Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure

sorry replying a bit late but only looking at the thread….

I take your point, most people use knife, fork, spoon on a daily basis….. we certainly do.

However, the very vast majority of people also frequent restaurants, even a Sunday carvery a few times a year.

Everywhere beyond a greasy spoon will have proper place settings, genuinely I find it rude people can’t even be bothered to google which cutlery to use for their starter/main/dessert to be polite.

Pick up any old fork to stuff their face while scrolling on Facebook… jog on… I mean the phone is already in hand (in itself rude).

So it’s nothing to do with privilege, in this day and age it’s just lazy and rude.

Not like they need to know what a grapefruit spoon is….

2Rebecca · 19/07/2022 22:16

Sniffing. I hate sniffers. Blow your nose.

supersonicspider · 19/07/2022 22:45

To put salt on a meal I have cooked for you, without trying it first.

Lillith111 · 19/07/2022 23:09

Robinni · 19/07/2022 22:13

@Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure

sorry replying a bit late but only looking at the thread….

I take your point, most people use knife, fork, spoon on a daily basis….. we certainly do.

However, the very vast majority of people also frequent restaurants, even a Sunday carvery a few times a year.

Everywhere beyond a greasy spoon will have proper place settings, genuinely I find it rude people can’t even be bothered to google which cutlery to use for their starter/main/dessert to be polite.

Pick up any old fork to stuff their face while scrolling on Facebook… jog on… I mean the phone is already in hand (in itself rude).

So it’s nothing to do with privilege, in this day and age it’s just lazy and rude.

Not like they need to know what a grapefruit spoon is….

@Robinni ive been to nice resteraunts and it’s just knife fork and spoon. Caring what form someone uses is just odd… most people dgaf

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 19/07/2022 23:22

supersonicspider · 19/07/2022 22:45

To put salt on a meal I have cooked for you, without trying it first.

I really hate people deciding for me how much salt I need on a meal.

Robinni · 20/07/2022 02:02

@Lillith111

resteraunts?

sorry I’m a fan of table manners and spelling…

SimonaRazowska · 20/07/2022 07:13

Every one is just all the things that annoy them

the only person who answered the question and listed something she found rude that most other people don’t (@Ylfa ) got totally destroyed. I actually agree with her as well

everyone else just frothing in unison 😁😁😁

this thread just shows what I suspected for a long time, that many people LOVE being outraged about small stuff

ddl1 · 20/07/2022 11:32

Aquilegia23 · 13/07/2022 17:58

You don't throw up, you just eat it.

You may throw up if the food makes you ill/ you are ill to start with. When my mother was a young adult, she was rather 'peaky' when recovering from German measles and her hosts insisted that she drink a glass of milk to 'build her up'. She never did well with milk (she was lactose intolerant) and tried to refuse, but they insisted. And yes, she was sick all over the carpet.

I have Crohns, and there are some things that make me very unwell if i eat them. I wouldn't actually throw up, but I would have a bad stomach-ache and have to rush to the loo every 10 minutes or so. Before I was diagnosed (which took several years), some people thought that I was just a fussy eater and rude to not eat everything, which caused me great distress.

Neither of these problems comes into the strict category of an allergy,

I do agree that if people have dietary restrictions, they should let people know before going to a meal with them, rather than letting them waste time, effort and food on cooking a meal that the person can't/ won't eat. But people should not be forced or pressurized to eat things that make them unwell, or even just strongly dislike, and treated as rude and ungrateful if they don't eat everything.

DdraigGoch · 20/07/2022 11:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

Is one of the other items on the list "electricity to run the hot tub"?

SlowingDownAndDown · 20/07/2022 12:33

SimonaRazowska · 20/07/2022 07:13

Every one is just all the things that annoy them

the only person who answered the question and listed something she found rude that most other people don’t (@Ylfa ) got totally destroyed. I actually agree with her as well

everyone else just frothing in unison 😁😁😁

this thread just shows what I suspected for a long time, that many people LOVE being outraged about small stuff

No. Everyone is not listing all the things that annoy them, just some of the things or one of the things.
The question doesn’t say ‘most others’ it just says others.
I wouldn’t say Ylfa was destroyed.
Several issues have proved quite controversial.
Apart from that, You’re right. Of course people enjoy ‘frothing in unison’

Ameanstreakamilewide · 20/07/2022 14:01

WadiShab · 15/07/2022 08:09

Turning up to someone's home unannounced. A phone call should be made, even if you are nearby, so you can check if is ok to visit. Biggest pet hate.

Having a full blown conversation with someone whilst you are the phone speaking to someone else is another one.

Pressing someone about their personal business when it is clear they do not want to share it. Read the room and mind your business, if they wanted you to know they would tell you without you paying pressure.

My in-laws do this occasionally and man alive it makes me angry.

I had just started eating my dinner and they knock at the door. 🤨
I wouldn't dream of popping in to anyone without giving them at least a text first.

I'm weird about eating in front of people.
Strangers, I rarely eat with, but I just felt weirdly something when she was standing there, talking to me, while i was supposed to be eating my pasta.

I had to let it go cold and warm it up when they left.
I suppose I feel vulnerable eating when someone else isn't, i dunno. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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