DH keeps on and on

[Abak123]

AIBU or is DH?
I had a dd just under 6 weeks ago and also have a DS who is (4). My DH keeps going on and on saying you should take both DD and DS out every day.

I am absolutely knackered my newborn has me up ever 3 hours and I drop my DS off to
preschool for 08:30 - 5 mornings a week.

once I pick DS up I come home,
make lunch for everyone. He goes oh you should take DS to the park/farm/soft play or text Sarah or Mel to see if they fancy a play date. I do take DS out but currently twice a week - he expects it every day!! He hasn’t done one night feed, plus I think it will be the summer holidays so have got 6 weeks to fill out and hopefully I’ll feel back to normal.

he does wfh so I stay downstairs and mostly in the garden - to not disturb him.

AIBU and should take them out every day!

You are 6 weeks post partum with your second dc. He should count himself lucky if you can get out of your pajamas most days. Is he helping out at all?

Tell him he needs to bugger off to the office or STFU. He just wants the house to himself.

Why not tell him his idea is great so he can carry it out... Have them ready in the buggy as he logs off. Go lock yourself in the bathroom. . Bath and book already in there....
Or tell him Mel /whoever has asked you out for coffee. Grab a coat and leg it.

Your oldest is getting decent stimulation from preschool anyway, it’s boiling hot and you have a tiny baby. Going out every afternoon to a farm or whatever sounds completely insane. But obviously if he’s so keen on these outings he takes them out every single weekend day, by himself, having packed their bags etc himself, doesn’t he?

Honestly save your money and effort on outings for the summer holidays. Nothing wrong with quiet play at home/in the garden, in fact mine really needed that after the busyness of preschool.

Tell him to fuck off. You will do as you want because you are an adult.

Wfh with 3 small children and he wants peace? What an entitled arse

Brilliant, where is he taking them both on Saturday and Sunday?!!

He is a knobhead. You need to tell him to buck up his ideas.

Not in this heat no!

If its coming from a place of concern for you and your mental health, then I can see how inviting people round, getting fresh air and some stimulation regularly is a great idea.

If its getting inconvenient loud children out of the house, or some sort of perverse guilt/projected martyr syndrome where hes working so you should be on your knees reaching some sort of unattainable standard of motherhood - then he can get in the sea!

What a tool.

I think you should have 2 days off work too, the weekends he can have both DC 9am to 5pm and you can tell him to take them out so you can have house to yourself.

See how he likes that

BTW if he says it's concern for you, tell him 6 hours of solid sleep for 3 days will do WAAAYYYYY more for your mental health than any number of play dates for the kids!

I’d tell him to stfu. It’s dead hot right now, you have a tiny baby and a 4 year old who would have been at nursery all morning so will probably be hot, tired and cranky a lot in the afternoons right now.

Your DS goes to pre-school every day and he has a father who can take him to soft play and the farm park at the weekends.

If the baby is bottle fed then your DH can take both of them out every Saturday morning and give you a rest.

He can also do all the feeds on Friday and Saturday nights so you can sleep!

Once he is giving you two nights to sleep, and taking both kids out for a morning at the weekends, then you might feel more inclined to take them out on weekday afternoons.

I'd instigate now that you get a decent lie-in on a Saturday morning. If he gives you a proper break on Saturday morning, then he can have a lie-in on Sunday.

Why on earth is he trying to micromanage your day? He should be upstairs doing his Job not piss arsing on at you for not going out.

I took mine out most days despite lack of sleep. But then I hate spending a while day indoors, even in winter.

Why on earth isn't he taking your DS to nursery when he's WFH? Why are you putting up with this?!

Tell him what a cracking ide, he can do that each evening while you have a bath
I will say I have a 10 week old and 5 year old and as my DH has the car we are not leaving the house much (just weekend!)
I just put loads in the garden and on the dining room table

He just wants you out so he can get peace at home, that's massively unfair on you. It's your home first and his work place second. If he doesn't like it tell him to work from the shed/office/library. Impossible to tiptoe round all day, every day with little kids so he can beat it 😏

I think gamerchick has got it. Selfish man. He should be helping you and making sure you get to rest and recover from the birth.

Why are you listening to this wazzock ?

He sounds like a prick - he’s wfh and you’re doing all that with a 4 year old and 6 week old?

I was still crying in the shower most mornings at 6 weeks pp.

What an arsehole.

Tell him he needs to bugger off to the office or STFU

This. Nothing else needs to be said.

Let him take them out himself.

Has he always been this selfish, unsupportive and disengaged with parenting his own children?

A bit of fresh air every day is not a bad aim (also not a necessity) but the garden is sufficient.

Start planning for the holidays, though. I think you're right to be a little trepidatious but they're totally manageable, especially if you are well set up at home. If your DS is used to pre-school stimulation you may find he needs something a bit new to distract him over the summer. If you don't have one, consider a sand/water table in the garden, chalks for drawing on the path, a scooter, or some other new age-appropriate outdoor toys that he can get absorbed by. And if you know and like any of the parents of his preschool friends consider asking them over for the afternoon - either so you can sit together with tea while the kids play, or to "swap" childcare so you have both for an hour or two and then other parent has both and you get time with just DD.