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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH keeps on and on

114 replies

Abak123 · 11/07/2022 16:27

AIBU or is DH?
I had a dd just under 6 weeks ago and also have a DS who is (4). My DH keeps going on and on saying you should take both DD and DS out every day.

I am absolutely knackered my newborn has me up ever 3 hours and I drop my DS off to
preschool for 08:30 - 5 mornings a week.

once I pick DS up I come home,
make lunch for everyone. He goes oh you should take DS to the park/farm/soft play or text Sarah or Mel to see if they fancy a play date. I do take DS out but currently twice a week - he expects it every day!! He hasn’t done one night feed, plus I think it will be the summer holidays so have got 6 weeks to fill out and hopefully I’ll feel back to normal.

he does wfh so I stay downstairs and mostly in the garden - to not disturb him.

AIBU and should take them out every day!

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 11/07/2022 17:59

NumberTheory · 11/07/2022 17:05

A bit of fresh air every day is not a bad aim (also not a necessity) but the garden is sufficient.

Start planning for the holidays, though. I think you're right to be a little trepidatious but they're totally manageable, especially if you are well set up at home. If your DS is used to pre-school stimulation you may find he needs something a bit new to distract him over the summer. If you don't have one, consider a sand/water table in the garden, chalks for drawing on the path, a scooter, or some other new age-appropriate outdoor toys that he can get absorbed by. And if you know and like any of the parents of his preschool friends consider asking them over for the afternoon - either so you can sit together with tea while the kids play, or to "swap" childcare so you have both for an hour or two and then other parent has both and you get time with just DD.

OP didn't post asking how to fill or structure her day.
Did you not notice that she has enough of that at home?

ivykaty44 · 11/07/2022 18:02

Why is he not doing night feeds? why is he not taking dc to nursery at 8.30?

tiredanddangerous · 11/07/2022 18:04

You gave birth six weeks ago? He should be doing nursery drop offs and you should be going back to bed with the baby! Tell him to get to fuck.

Minimalme · 11/07/2022 18:07

Let's just hope your ds takes after you and not his knob of a Dad.

Tell him he should take ds out.

why doesn't he start work at 5 each morning (like you probably do) and finish early so that ds can go to soft play. or call Mark and Simon to see if they want to hang out?

Then you are welcome to tell him to fuck off.

dane8 · 11/07/2022 18:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

strawberrylacey · 11/07/2022 18:12

Sounds to me like your DH wants the kids out the house as much as possible Confused
Not fair on you!!!

youwouldthink · 11/07/2022 18:20

Isn't it great he's working from home...that way he can take DC out for 50 mins every lunchtime as its sooooo important and you'll have a sandwich made for his last 10 mins when he gets back!

Yerroblemom1923 · 11/07/2022 18:34

I guess he just wants you all out of the house so he can work/whatever.... doesn't make it right. Maybe try some baby groups.

Yerroblemom1923 · 11/07/2022 18:36

And if he's wfh there's no reason why you can't leave both kids with him and take YOURSELF out for the day.

Nanny0gg · 11/07/2022 18:39

Yerroblemom1923 · 11/07/2022 18:34

I guess he just wants you all out of the house so he can work/whatever.... doesn't make it right. Maybe try some baby groups.

Or maybe not...

TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/07/2022 18:40

I am sick of hearing about men who are choosing to WFH and wanting their family out of their home so they can do so.

Your house is not his office - you can be home with your baby and child 24 hours a day if you wish, and if he doesn't like that he should go back to work properly.

TullyApplebottom · 11/07/2022 18:41

Man’s clearly got a death wish. He sounds barking.

EnSextant · 11/07/2022 18:46

RedHelenB · 11/07/2022 16:54

I took mine out most days despite lack of sleep. But then I hate spending a while day indoors, even in winter.

Same here. And if my XH had been working at home, I'd probably have left home altogether. The OP's husband needs to fuck off back to an office and stop interfering with what she's doing at home.

Maytodecember · 11/07/2022 18:49

When he’s given birth he gets to give an opinion.
I would be wondering why he wants me out the house tho.

chilledbubble · 11/07/2022 18:50

Kids are meant to be inside at the moment. It's too dangerous out there.

vdbfamily · 11/07/2022 18:58

tell him to take a lunch break with the kids maybe.

Leeds2 · 11/07/2022 19:03

I would suggest that he takes DS out for a picnic tea, and play in the park, in the early evening when it is a little cooler.
When the weather isn't quite so hot, he can take the baby out for a walk at lunchtime.
And he can take them both out for at least an hour (to allow for feeding the baby) at the weekend so that you can catch up on some sleep.

cottagegardenflower · 11/07/2022 19:06

I was once given the best advice i ever had for when someone tells you, you should be doing xyz.
answer = If you think it needs doing/should have been done/could have been done better....DO IT YOURSELF!
Said nicely of course :-)

billy1966 · 11/07/2022 19:08

What a bully OP.

This is not normal.

Does he normally treat you like this?

Contact your HV and GP.

You are very vulnerable and you ARE being bullied.

Have you any family around?

Friends who can support you?

I would be very concerned about his treatment of you.

Sisisimone · 11/07/2022 19:08

99% of people would have told him to fuck off by now, find your voice.

Pebble55 · 11/07/2022 19:17

What a nobhead. He should be at least doing the school run before home-office. And why not help out with the odd night feeds every now and then? Even if breastfeeding sometimes shushing the newborn back to sleep/getting a snack or a glass of water is helpful. Why do some men bother having children

Imogensmumma · 11/07/2022 19:19

If he WFH can’t he take one or both out in his lunch break so you get a break?!?!

Yerroblemom1923 · 11/07/2022 19:20

@chilledbubble say what now? What is the danger you speak of????

chilledbubble · 11/07/2022 19:21

Yerroblemom1923 · 11/07/2022 19:20

@chilledbubble say what now? What is the danger you speak of????

The heatwave

newbiename · 11/07/2022 19:23

Yerroblemom1923 · 11/07/2022 18:34

I guess he just wants you all out of the house so he can work/whatever.... doesn't make it right. Maybe try some baby groups.

It is OP and the children's home. It's not his office.