Friend didn't ask me to be godmother ....

[ashelyf]

Hiya hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine.
I'm trying my best not to be hurt /upset about this but here goes.
My closest friend of 20 years has a son,who is 4 years old.
My friend is Spanish but has lived in this country longer than she's lived in Spain but her family only really speak Spanish.
She doesn't have a big circle of friends just me and this other lady (who is also Spanish and is friends through work with my friends partner)
We chat most days and she rings me when she wants a rant etc
Yesterday her other friend posted a pic on Facebook of my friends son sat with balloons holding a card asking her to be godmother.
Bare in mind a month ago my friend whilst chatting told me she hadn't seen this friend in a year and she couldn't be bothered with her as she wasn't chatting much and short replies.

Now the other sucker punch ..she hasn't even invited me to the christening.
She has spoke about it to me,never told me a date and just said we are keeping it small with only 16 guests.

I take interest in her son,always ask her to go to the farm /circus together but she always says he will be bored as I have no kids yet.
I buy him birthday /Xmas presents -thoughtful things he will like
Randomly get him pjs or whatever I see
Easter eggs etc
So it's not like I show no interest.

So how can she pick this other girl over me when just the other month she was saying she didn't have time for her etc
I'm honestly so hurt -aibu?

I'm not going to mention it to her because obviously it's her choice and maybe her partner feels more comfortable as her other friend speaks Spanish etc and his English isn't great.

Are they Catholic? Are you? If they're Spanish Catholics and you're not then they wouldn't ask you to be godmother. If the friend is Catholic (or at least from a Catholic background) then that might be why they chose her.

That sounds hurtful, maybe you're not as good friends as you thought. I would probably dial it back on the gifts, Easter eggs etc. I also think it's really unfair that they think it will be boring to spend a day with you because you don't have kids, they sound like quite a selfish family.

She is catholic and so am I
Friend is only getting him christened so he can go to the catholic school she wants -so isn't religious etc

I was also thinking maybe religious reasons?

Are you a practising Catholic, OP? Because the decision on godparents is a religious one, and therefore more likely to be based on who will help to raise the child in the faith, than on who is the closer friend. I’m guessing that your Spanish friend is likely to be Catholic.

If they're catholics they'll be needing catholic godparents. Non-catholics wouldn't necessarily be aware of this.

I know it sounds silly to say I'm really hurt but I am.
I think I'm a nice person but she's picked someone else over me and like I say her choice -but hurtful

Ah, cross posted, sorry!

Is she Catholic? Are you? If she is religious it is likely she takes the appointing of godparents far more seriously than the British do. Here it’s frequently just a social thing. You’d have to be Catholic to be a Catholic godparent.

As for the service…. they go on for what feels like forever. It may be a lucky escape

YANBU to be hurt. Don’t assume the worst though, there may be a very logical reason. Brave up and ask your friend if there’s a polite enough way/time to do so. And if not, unless she’s given you other signs that she doesn’t value your friendship, I’d put this to one side as one of life’s great mysteries.

OK that makes me think that maybe she is just not as invested in the friendship as you. I would be hurt too and I’d perhaps reevaluate the friendship and cool off with putting in as much effort. It does hurt when you realise you’re not as close as you thought. Not having you as Godmother is less the issue than the not inviting you to the Christening to me.

I'm sorry OP, I can completely understand why you feel hurt x

If you're all Catholics then I agree it seems an odd choice and it's understandable you're hurt. The only thing to bear in mind is could it be possible that she's discovered the other friend is having a really tough time and that's why she's been distant? And has thought letting her be godmother might give her a boost?

Yeah are you catholic or even religious? Christenings in England tend to be a party for your mates. They do take it more seriously in predominantly catholic countries. I realise there are exceptions to both scenarios before everyone posts how devout they/their child's godparents are.

So your Spanish friend has 2 close friends: you and another lady who is Spanish too and she asked her not you to be a godparent?

As others have said, I suspect it could be because of their/your religious background.
My children’s godparents are not necessarily my closest friends, but they were all chosen because, like us, they are practising Christians and have an understanding of the promises they were making.
Don’t take this to heart, you sound like a lovely friend.

Sorry cross posted.

It's not just the mum that picks the godparents. As you said in your OP, it's probable her partner is closer to the other friend and he has picked her.

She's just not that into you.

Perhaps she was chosen as she is also Spanish, and if the child's parents died she'd want her child to be raised in Spain by the Soanish godmother and her family?

The other friend is friend to both parents.

Also, she's tying the other friend in more closely, which she doesn't need to do with you. You already have a close bond.

Well now you know how she truly sees you. To not even invite you? I would massively cool this supposed friendship off. She's using you for all her moaning, you are her safe option and she sees you as a take it or leave it friend. Yea, I would distance myself from her.

Bit crap you aren’t invited to the christening. That’s put you in your place.

YANBU to be hurt about that - it draws a line between their close people, and you.

Maybe take a step back. If she queries it say ‘because I wasn’t invited to x’s christening I began to think that I had more invested in our friendship than you’.

This is very hurtful. I agree with you to say nothing. But back off. She is letting you know that she thinks of you. My own brothers didn't have me as godmother and I had both of them. I have never said anything but it really really hurt. I won't be used by people though.

My friend didn't ask me to be Godmother for their oldest child....then l had a baby and am Godmother to all 3 of their others - like lmwas suddenly deemed responsible enough.
Turns out they just thought l wasn't interested before l had my own - in fairness they were right but l understand why you are hurt op.