Opinions on single parents!!!!

[Wednesdayafternoon]

I'm just getting SO fed up of the attitude that people have towards single parents. Is anyone with me?!
I'm a single parent. I never thought I would be, my children were planned in marriage that I thought was a happy and then bam, he left.
I've tried my hardest with therapy and counciling and time to pick myself back up and grieve what I've lost and what has changed, by jee whiz it's hard! It's absolutely amazing of course, but it's hard.
But what is somehow harder is the perception of being a single parent.

I must be loaded because I get UC and a wage.
Also the fact that I live with my parents, yes the money must be rolling in because I don't have a house to pay for.
But let's remember I pay for 2 children pretty much on own, I have my own debts and outgoings too.
I also don't exactly love not having my own house in my 30s. In fact, that's something I'm devastated about! And realistically how can I afford the house I've dreamt of in my position?

Wow I have a day to myself each week, so mucb time to relax and tidy up and do what I want. Must be brilliant.
Actually, I may have that day but by this point I've hit burn out. I've entertained 2 children on my own with no adult company all week. I've done all the school runs and work and done activities on my own. I don't get the luxury of having someone else at home to share the load and the lovely memories with. I don't get an extra pair of hands at the festival when they're running in opposite directions. In fact I miss out on a lot of the events because it's just too much for one on their own.
And then when that day comes and they are not here and Disney dad is taking them out, I feel guilty. I feel sad. I feel lonely.
But yes it's obviously much easier for me.

"When you going to start dating again" "you need to get yourself on the dating apps" "you will meet someone when the time is right" "those children will no what their dad did to you"..... and so on and so on. Everyone has an opinion and everyone is very much happy to share it.

I just needed to get that off my chest. Wow. Feel better.
I will close by saying I absolutely adore my children and I know that I am extremely lucky to have them. I wouldn't change that.
But I'm fed up of this attitude towards single parenting, particularly from a certain none single parent family member 🙈
Does anyone else feel the same? If not please just say yes to make me feel better (haha joking).

@TreePoser Its absolutely a ridiculous moralised hierarchy not dissimilar to the ideas of the deserving and undeserving poor. And with similar impulses to pity or blame the woman.

I’m right down at the bottom of the single mother rankings. Pretty much. I’d struggle to cover more of the pearl clutcher bingo board. The fact I’ve got a (good, professional - if not currently well paid enough to not need to claim UC for childcare costs) job and tonnes of education might offset some of it, but that then tips into the judging you for working rather than ‘raising your own children’ area of moralistic bullshit.

I’m changing jobs soon though, and won’t even qualify for CB with my much improved salary will mean I lose the claiming benefits stigma but shift myself into different category of being a villain because I’ll be earning too much and therefore awful.

Which is to say: there’s no way to win in this misogynist world.

I was jokingly told that 'I should have kept my legs closed' by school mum regarding being a single parent. Hmmm, didn't go down well

I am into my 14th year of single parenting. I have heard it all but this is going some! I always tell myself that women (because it is always women) who feel the need to say this stuff are women who are terrified it could happen to them and have no idea how they would manage.

My favourites, to add to the discussion....

• said by a woman who's child had hair down to his knees (not even an exaggeration) about my child who was 7 weeks since his last hair cut, 'you'd better get his hair cut soon, people will think you can't cope'
• said by my son's friend's mum on our doorstep 'I suppose we're paying for you to live in this' (I own my house, out right, for the record, and I enjoyed telling her that!)
• said by school run mum 'you seem happy enough, I'd be so miserable, being you'.
• said by school run mum 'you're a teacher? No darling, you mean you're a TA. You couldn't possibly be a teacher!'
• and my personal favourite when I started teacher training 'oh, I'd love to do that only I can't, because I have a husband'.

Honestly as I read your message I was defo defo feeling all of the words spoken. This narrative you gotta be strong and you have lots of money etc…it’s ridiculous

x

I remember being asked if I'd "done it to get a council house" and being told that I didn't need to have a christening reception for DS because no one would expect a party from "someone like you". I've had someone say its disgusting to be a single mum, yet she's had affairs with married men and apparently that's ok as long as their wives don't find out. Doesn't see the connection between the said wives becoming single mums and her shagging their husbands (I don't think the husbands are blameless either btw, just it was the OW being judgemental). People have asked if I went into a traditionally male career as a way to meet men because heaven forbid a woman could be ok at science and want to earn a living rather than have a "little job". Schools do tend to think you're a bit thick too and can be quite patronising. I'm on round 2 of single motherhood after my ex behaved shockingly badly and I was left with no option but divorce. I'm still the bad guy to some, I must have driven him to it, I must have neglected him etc. These people never question him about why he did what he did and how he "left his children with a broken home". As with most things the underlying message is women are always wrong. Whatever we do. I'm sure if I had the perfect DH and white picket fence life I'd be told I'm a stepford wife.