DS is gay - reposting for traffic

[MamaCathy73]

Hello,

My DS is 16 and he is gay. He came out a few years ago, and DH and I have done our best to support him since. We are, and always have been, tolerant towards everyone and their sexual identity. However, our son recently accused us of being anti-LGBTA as we did not want to attend Pride with him. While we wanted to support him, we are vulnerable and are scared of Covid, so because of that, did not go. How should we deal with him? He is very upset with us, and our efforts so far have not worked.

Thank you!

Have you been avoiding other crowded events that you would have attended before the pandemic?

If so, I think your DS is being a bit unreasonable. Perhaps you can find something else to do with him that he would find supportive and affirming, while at the same time teaching him that people have different limits and perceptions of risk - but that is nothing to do with his sexuality.

However, if you've been socialising like in pre-pandemic times and attended other crowded events that you wanted to go to, but are suddenly using Covid as an excuse to not attend Pride, I can see why he is upset. He will think there is another reason apart from Covid for you not attending, and the obvious reason will seem to be that you aren't actually comfortable with or supportive of the LBGTQ community on some level.

Hmm Glastonbury spawned a huge wave of Covid cases and that is outside.

Whether it was reasonable not to go depends a bit on other things you do - have you gone to crowded places, flown, eaten in a busy restaurant/pub? If so I can see that he might be miffed as to why an outside parade is deemed risky whereas if you are shopping in a mask and avoiding going out then you are being consistent and he should be able to understand that it's not about the type of event, it's any busy event!

Your DS is being unreasonable. You don't have to attend Pride events to be supportive of your child's sexuality or gender identity.

I have a gay child and a child who is bi. I'm also CEV ( was in hospital only 6 weeks ago- nope covid risk haven't gone away, I've had 4 vaccines and it still puts me back on oxygen each time. That's really not fun. Ridiculous that PPs say covid is sooooo over!)

My DCs care about me, and would never ask me to put my life at risk. It's a surprise that you DS can't see that.

Zero chance I would go to any festivals full stop.

Pride also isn't 'my thing', too noisy. I went to a few local pride events pre covid but couldn't manage a whole event nor one at a distance.

But I will put up Pride flags and cheer them on by being interested and talking to them about it, help pay for train ticket etc, if they wanted to attend.

You don't need to attend a Pride event to be proud and supportive of your LGBTQ+ 🏳️‍🌈 children.

I think it's a completely understandable reason not to attend but also understand your son feeling disappointed. I would imagine your attending pride with him would have meant the world to him in terms of feeling accepted and showing you part of his world.

Perhaps you could set up a small surprise Pride gathering in the garden? You could invite a few of his close friends, or even just keep it as a family thing if you are worried about covid. Get some themed decorations, some nice food and celebrate together. Or you could even involve him in the planning if it's easier than a surprise. He will come round eventually, I expect he is just feeling a bit rejected right now.

My son is gay. I wouldn't go to a Pride parade if you paid me, any more than I'd go to a nightclub or Glastonbury or any big event. I particularly loathe virtue-signalling events which are often populated by people who don't actually give a shit. Fortunately my son feels the same and just gets on with being gay. He doesn't feel that Pride is in any way representative of "his culture". He's just a young man who happens to be gay. If he were the parade type, I still wouldn't go - but it wouldn't be an issue as he knows that his being gay is the last thing I'd ever be bothered about.

I think not going because of Covid is completely batshit, though. Covid really has brought out the worst in some people.

I think he's just trying to provoke you.

You've now posted another thread where you say that in fact, your husband isn't tolerant at all and is in fact a homophones who you are considering divorcing because of his treatment of your son. Just FYI information for those rushing to say the son is BU.

*homophobe

"I wouldn't go to a pride event any more than I would go to Glastonbury or any other large group event. It's my worst nightmare."

Plus 1 In have my own interest and hobbies and passions and friends

"He is being entitled a giving him the benefit of the doubt he may not realise this. You support him in living his life however he wants which means supporting him going to pride but he should be respectful of you leading your life which means not going to pride. You do not need to justify your actions to him - he is not entitled to that - you have provided an explanation as a courtesy."

Agreed 100%

"Perhaps you could set up a small surprise Pride gathering in the garden?"

No just tell him to get on with his life
No one cares what his sexuality is
It is not the centre of everyone elses life
I and my partner are into fetish etc
We do not need to go on a march or wear a flag or crave everyone else's approval
Out friends know what we enjoy and there is banter about it which we give back
But we do not expect anyone else to care or be interested in our lives

100% agree.

As JK recently pointed out in a tweet, creeps, paedos and abusers will always flock to movements that enable them in circumventing or removing safeguarding protections.

They have cynically hijacked the LGB rights movement because of the goodwill built up in broader society thanks to the diligent hard work of legitimate gay rights activists over many decades.

LGBTQ+ is now very much the movement of kink obsessed fetishists with sexual paraphilias, mostly heterosexuals, who have Co-opted themselves into LGB rights under the label of queer.

With the increasingly vocal promotion of paedophilia as a legitimate sexual orientation they are more and more saying the quiet part out loud for all to hear, meanwhile actually same-sex attracted adults get marginalised and silenced - recent pride March in Cologne is an example.

reduxx.info/pro-pedophilia-activists-marched-for-equal-rights-at-2022-cologne-pride/?fbclid=IwAR3GYKszVPLsNpuOzv1J3LWOQhninMp56rEldzrsrk7O7EdbkvigcYmJfDg

100% nailed it

@FairyBatman OP has posted another thread that says her DH is actually a massive homophobe who 'barely tolerates' their DS and makes homophobic comments behind his back.

I wouldn't go either as it's not my thing.

Hairyfrogmother, yet it still makes many people very happy, my kid went fir the first time this year, very happy occasion all round

I'm wondering which groups do you consider extremists?

I have just read one of your previous posts where you admit that your husband is homophobic. Do you genuinely think your son is unaware of this?

Poor boy.

Not surprised your son is hurt.

this isn’t about pride, this is about you being ‘tolerant’ as opposed to supportive and accepting

my friends kid went to her first pride this year. She asked her mum to take her as she was nervous and wanted to feel supported at such a big event, not sure why so many people think that’s weird. Lots of people don’t have a huge social circle to fall back on.

If this had been me & my mother she would have been “ffs eye roll” and come with me, and I’d likely be the same. Parents go with their teenage kids to utterly ghastly teenager things all the time.

You should have gone imo. He is still very young and obviously needed your support. You say you're vulnerable? I assume you're vaccinated. I assume you aren't still shielding? Pride is an outdoors event ..you could have gone and worn a mask

This isn’t about him being gay, or even about covid risk, it’s a typical teenage control game. (A lot of teens at the moment are using the trans movement to police their parents’ speech for example: it makes them feel powerful and gives them a ‘woke’ excuse to insult their bewildered parents.)

Bottom line… It is never ok for a child to demand his parents do something and then throw a tantrum if they don’t. Tell him that if this shitty attitude is coming from internet forums then you’ll cut off his wifi and stop paying for his phone, so to think seriously about how he talks to his parents.

Pride is a political event combined with a promiscuous hook up scene and many gay people, particularly lesbians, find it in very bad taste and avoid it. I’d never let a 16 year old go.

Tell your 16 year old that his sexual preferences are up to him but good manners are not optional and to stop being a tantruming toddler.

I think, given the context of your other thread, you've written something quite misleading here.

It reads like you're blaming him for being gay, and blaming him for the associated knock-on effects this is having on your family.

Your son is asking for support. And, by the sounds of it, not getting it from either you or his father.

He is 16 and gay with, by the sounds of it, a homophobic parent (possibly two). He will feel desperately lonely and at odds with pretty much everyone around him. His social circle will feel tiny and he will be watching his straight friends do things that he feels unable to do.

His desire to go to Pride isn't driven by a want to roll around in kink or dance in his pants on a float. He wanted to go because he thought he wanted to be in an environment with other people like himself, for once in his life.

What you think of Pride is largely irrelevant. What a bunch of strangers on a forum think of Pride is similarly not the point. He wanted to go. Teenagers don't always make the most nuanced choices. But they have to go through stuff in order to come to their own conclusions about things.

He may or may not make his own decision about how relevant Pride is to him at some point in the future. But right now he's trying different things to find his 'tribe'. And you just shut him down. You didn't even let him have a chance. You didn't even let him try. You've reinforced the message that society will reject him, that gay culture is freakish, and something to be afraid of.

Your poor son.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4587782-to-divorce-my-intolerant-husband

If this thread is anything to go by I'm guessing your son has more reasons to be upset than not going to pride.

Could you look for a small local one rather than a big city?
Local to me were two small events which were more like a school fair with just stalls, face painting and food.
There is a massive parade/cast of thousands one in the nearest big city.