DS is gay - reposting for traffic

[MamaCathy73]

Hello,

My DS is 16 and he is gay. He came out a few years ago, and DH and I have done our best to support him since. We are, and always have been, tolerant towards everyone and their sexual identity. However, our son recently accused us of being anti-LGBTA as we did not want to attend Pride with him. While we wanted to support him, we are vulnerable and are scared of Covid, so because of that, did not go. How should we deal with him? He is very upset with us, and our efforts so far have not worked.

Thank you!

Maybe it’s because you only say you are “tolerant” towards his sexual identity? As my own gay son says, who wants to be tolerated? Like there’s something so abhorrent about them they have to be tolerated. Rather than loved and accepted.

I just used the wrong phrase. We are highly supportive and accepting of his sexuality. Sorry for the confusion.

Oh ffs! Do you go to work? Do you go to the supermarket? Cinema? Etc, etc? All places you're more likely to get covid!
Pride is outdoors. We're supposed to be learning to live with it. And if that means supporting your son, that's what you do! Most people who were classed as ECV and CV are now back at work and living normally. What you didn't want to do was go with him, the reasons are yours but stop blaming covid, everybody is bored of that as an excuse now 😩

most people go to pride with friends not their parents. has he got no one else to go with?

This is sadly AIBU so every phrase, nuance and possible miscommunication will be seized upon by pedants waiting to give an OP a kicking or a telling off

Going to Pride in itself doesn’t make you gay friendly or more acknowledging of your DS - BUT - maybe that’s how he wanted to bond with you over the subject. If you didn’t want to do that (and not everyone wants to go to a potentially loud street party) then is there something you folk could do together that would fulfil the same kind of thing?

I'm sorry, but that's a false equivalence. Going to the shop and being in close contact with a few people is not the same as the hundreds/thousands at a parade.

@gemmtheshark I didn’t get that from her post. I read the word tolerant. It has no place in a discussion about your own child being gay.

@MamaCathy73 if you used the wrong word in your post, maybe rethink whether you are careful enough when you talk to him? Couldn’t him being so upset about you not going to pride be as a result of him not feeling accepted? Does he feel cherished? Or tolerated? Is it really a coincidence that you chose that word and he feels let down?

I would remind him that’s it’s far more important to have loving and supportive parents there 365 days a year, than parents who couldn’t give a shit but are happy to go to pride and join in the rainbow-washing once a year because it looks good on Insta.

It’s a shame you posted this after the fact as I assume the pride events in your area are all over. For next year, be aware that there are usually a number of side events that might be easier/safer for you to attend - in my area there is a Pride family picnic held the weekend before the main parade/party/event which is a lot more low key.

Does he want to go everywhere that you want to attend? Events? No??

If he wanted to go, let him go...doesn't mean you don't support him because you didn't go as well.

Goodness. He sounds a bit of a drama. You've supported him coming out and that's wonderful. For you all. You don't have to hold his hand everywhere at his age.

Thank you. I appreciate your support but I don't know who you are. I have to say - I am slightly scared by how much you're backing me here!

I meant no offence. I am very grateful. It just felt a little bit like performative activism, so it's good to know you're genuine.

I'd take no notice of him, you've explained why you didn't attend, you love and support him. End of conversation. Hopefully you'll feel safer to go next year.

He is being a teenager expecting the instagram support reactions.

My DD 13 was non binary for a time, she is a huge trans supporter to the point she takes any discussion around the subject offensive, she is gay.

Back to the topic.
There is no need for you to attend pride if you don't want to.
You can be supportive in other ways.

Awkward 👀

I wouldn't go to a pride event any more than I would go to Glastonbury or any other large group event. It's my worst nightmare. There are plenty of ways you can show your son you support him and maybe he needs to ask himself why you going would validate yours and his feelings. Does he think you love him less because you didnt want to go?

He is being entitled a giving him the benefit of the doubt he may not realise this. You support him in living his life however he wants which means supporting him going to pride but he should be respectful of you leading your life which means not going to pride. You do not need to justify your actions to him - he is not entitled to that - you have provided an explanation as a courtesy.

Considering your intolerant post going atm this is weird

I’m not sure I really understand why you’re entertaining this temper tantrum tbh. You’re entitled to not want to attend everything he cares about. Would he expect you to attend a football match, a concert, a party when you’re not interested?