Neighbour has an OW

[tryingtohelpbutprobabyfailing]

My lovely 67 year old neighbour has a wife and 2 children.

At 42 she was diagnosed with severe MS . Had been diagnosed with MS in her 30s..

At age 55 her husband could no longer cope as her problem is with swallowing. She went into a specialist nursing home. He visits everyday without fail. No holiday for ten years as cannot not visit..

Two years ago he met a woman at the home whose husband was in a similar situation. Long story short they have now formed a relationship. Things have now moved in to such a degree that they want to live together.

Kids know if the relationship and are civil, polite but not exactly welcoming . (Kids from both sides - she also has 2) they are all in their 20/30s ..

All are against it - despite both spouses now having very much reduced cognitive function..

I don't know how long her husband has been Ill but my neighbour has been a carer for over 30 years .. lost his 30s 40s 50s and most of his 60s to this disease ..

The kids say NO ! till death do you part ...

I say 'you only have one life and you need to enjoy it ...

What does MN say ? (In case people don't know - MS (multiple sclerosis) it will NEVER get better ...

YOLO

It's none of the kids' business. Shame on them.

I think Mumsnet is likely to say this is none of your business... and they'd be spot on. It's a very difficult situation for everyone involved - be grateful you're not one of those people.

I say it's none of MN's business. How on earth are any of us entitled to an opinion on this when we have nothing to do with it?
Fgs leave the poor family alone.

What does YOLO mean ? Sorry I am old and not up with these terms ?

Why on earth is this anyone else’s business?

I am on the same forum as you !! I am just trying to understand both points of view.

I knew someone in a vaguely similar situation. His wife had Huntington's Disease with dementia as a symptom. She was very unwell, barely aware of who he was, in a nursing home. She'd been symptomatic for years and he nursed her but started seeing someone about a year before she died but several years after she went into the home. I honestly felt like i couldn't judge. Equally, although his kids were supportive, I can understand why they would have been entitled to not be ok with it - it does rather bring home just how much of their mum is lost already.

My neighbour has asked me 'am I a 'cad' ' (old fashioned word but I understand the meaning .. he wants to o or if what he wants is 'ok'

I wouldn't judge - carer for 30 years, wife in hospital, neither have abandoned their spouses to the state as many do - I think sympathy and kindness is required here. I bet the kids are only thinking of their inheritance. But I'd hate to have neighbours knowing so much of my business...

Being a carer is so, so hard and so is having a loved one who has a degenerative illness.

I'm sure the children would soon change their minds if they walked a mile in their dad's shoes.

Thank you for such a thoughtful post .. you are very kind to make such a considerate reply ..

Thank you 🙏

Sounds like they are lonely people, struggling with the same thing and seeking comfort in each other.

I can sit here now with the luxury of my husband next to me and say I would never do that, till death do us part, in sickness and in health etc and I would absolutely mean it but I cannot know how I would be if in that situation, I don't think anyone can.

The kids are old enough to understand that these things are complicated.

I completely get it, I would suggest you support him by saying that it's fine, in fact he deserves happiness

I have MS, fortunately not that severe. But I wouldn't judge anyone in that position. But what on earth it has to do with you, I have no idea.

What a wonderful thoughtful post .. thank you.

It is noone elses business. Butt out

It’s good he has someone, you to talk to, what a difficult situation which is equally understandable.

I haven't actually'butted in' .. my neighbour asked what I thought .. I say that he deserved a happy life .. he has gone beyond what anyone would normally expect..

I wouldn't judge, they are still caring and supporting and loving their spouses but it's a completely one way relationship isn't it?

What a kind post . Thank you 🙏

Why on earth are you sharing someone else's story on MN?

Why do you need MN opinion on a situation that's nothing to do with you?

Or looking at your replies, are you actually someone in this scenario (as in, not just the neighbour?)

Because the subject of the post ASKED ME my opinion of his plans and I wanted an opinion on MY thoughts .. which are to enjoy his life with the love he has found in difficult circumstances...