To turn the wifi off at midnight?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

I’ve got 3 dds aged 21, 19 and 15. When older two were younger teens they were pretty sensible about phones and wifi use. We had some loose rules about leaving phones downstairs which we gradually relaxed as they got older.

However dd3 is a different kettle of fish and technology has moved on in only a few years. Dd3 is autistic and has had some problems lately with sleep hygiene and poor school attendance. Up till last autumn her devices switched off at 11pm but she persuaded me to lift the restrictions completely which I did as a trial. Since then her sleep and routine has gone to pot.

We’ve taken professional advice and think it’s best to re-introduce night time restrictions. Decided on 11.30pm on school nights (too late I know but there had to be some compromise) and midnight weekends and holidays. This will be for the whole house but can’t decide if it’s unfair for the older two who are home during the holidays. Older two have a lot of data so can use that after midnight if needed.

AIBU?

Just take her phone away??
My friends kid is 15yo and hands in her phone every night at 9.30pm no issues.

The 15 year old is still a child and under 16.

Lots of apps e.g. WhatsApp have up dated their terms of service to making it clear they aren't suitable for under 16s.

Go back to ensuring her individual devices go on and off at specific times, and leave your adult children to police themselves.

It is very possible that one of them could end up in a job were they would have to work early or late, and you turning off the WiFi would screw them up.

Your friend’s dd sounds very biddable @Mally100 Mine is not! Getting her to hand over her phone every night will be difficult. I have an app on my phone so can control the wifi for all devices.

I'd be earlier than 11pm or handing over phones. Will take time but tough love.

If you have an app which can control WIFi, you likely also can select which devices are allowed WiFi and when. Why do t you just block hers rather than everyone's?

You can get parental controls on your router - if not buy them - Kola Box is one I tried you can leave the TV connected or anything else, add homework mode, restrict the WiFi between x hours or off completely -

The box has its own password, which they have access too. Change the main password.

Then you can see each device phones iPads Xbox sky etc and amend accordingly.

They can earn WIfI doing chore and homework etc worth the £70

What if you asked the older two for advice?

Dd3 is already reacting very strongly and asking for no restrictions over the summer. I think midnight is late enough for the holidays!

@LittleOwl153 i have been doing that but to sweeten it a tiny bit for dd3 and not make her feel singled out, we thought maybe doing the same for everyone.

Lucky friend, not all teens would be doing that by any means.

But the others are adults!!!!

No you don't need to do this for everyone m. At 15 it's fair to have different rules than adults and she needs to accept that.

She puts forward very convincing arguments and says we didn’t have such restrictions when her sisters were her age (true).

School nights my kids have always had to hand them in. So she kicks off. So what?

Your elder two didn't abuse them so they were allowed to use them she's taking the piss so she's lost the privilege. She's a child.

It's effectively the OPs phone because I doubt the the teen pays for it.

Absolutely set the wifi to restrictions for teens.

So is midnight at weekends and holidays reasonable? She is campaigning for no restrictions over the summer. I don’t think she’s got the self control to regulate it and I don’t want her routine to be completely out of kilter by September.

I feel annoyed for the elder two siblings.

She puts forward very convincing arguments and says we didn’t have such restrictions when her sisters were her age (true).

She and her older siblings are each individuals with different needs, abilities and skills. Her siblings didn't get distracted by the internet at night at 15 but she does, so her needs are different.

You're the parent. Just take the phone/other device off her at 10pm and she gets it back in the morning.

Why are you allowing a child to make the rules?
Just tell her to hand her phone over at 11pm, and if she refuses, she will have it removed completely. She’s addicted to it, and you’re not acting in her best interest by trying to negotiate.

So is midnight at weekends and holidays reasonable?

No it is bloody not for your two older children who are adults.

I've worked with people 21+ remotely.
Some of those in their 20s and 30s live at home.

Plus I've nephews and nieces that age who have had to do job applications late at night because that's the only time they have to do them. They can't do them on their phone.

Restrict your younger child's access who is an actual child because her needs are different. Leave your older two, who are adults, access alone.

This is ridiculous. She's a child 11pm is plenty for holidays. 10pm during term time.

She's 15, don't argue with her. Tell her the rules and if she's not happy take the phone off her. You're the parent.

This!

Can’t you just block her specific device using the parental control on your internet router? Some routers allow you to automatically restrict access by time too.