To turn the wifi off at midnight?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

I’ve got 3 dds aged 21, 19 and 15. When older two were younger teens they were pretty sensible about phones and wifi use. We had some loose rules about leaving phones downstairs which we gradually relaxed as they got older.

However dd3 is a different kettle of fish and technology has moved on in only a few years. Dd3 is autistic and has had some problems lately with sleep hygiene and poor school attendance. Up till last autumn her devices switched off at 11pm but she persuaded me to lift the restrictions completely which I did as a trial. Since then her sleep and routine has gone to pot.

We’ve taken professional advice and think it’s best to re-introduce night time restrictions. Decided on 11.30pm on school nights (too late I know but there had to be some compromise) and midnight weekends and holidays. This will be for the whole house but can’t decide if it’s unfair for the older two who are home during the holidays. Older two have a lot of data so can use that after midnight if needed.

AIBU?

Family link app. You can just switch it off remotely or on a timer

My dd has to put her phone downstairs at 9pm every night, weekends it's 11pm. It's a blanket rule.

If you turn the WiFi off surely they can use mobile data?

Thank you, this is all really helpful. I know I’ve made mistakes in the past and I know that clear boundaries are required now. I am standing firm, she will use every excuse in the book. Her threats to kill herself are very upsetting obviously.

On a practical level, I’ve found controlling each device from the My BT app to be easiest.

Can you lock her personal device down at a certain time?

We use Google Family Link with DS1. We can set it to only be unlocked between certain hours (we set 7am to 930pm as he uses Audible at bedtime). We can also lock it down manually via our own phones, which we have done on occasion when he's fought us on putting it down when asked.

He's on the waiting list to be assessed for ASD, and I work with children with ASD so can say confidently that having those set boundaries is a positive thing. It might take a little while for the boundaries to be accepted, but generally leads to an improved mental state for the young person in the long run.

Can you not use an app on your phone like Family Link to block her phone use. I have this for my DS and his phone gets locked at 7pm and he only has limited use per day. But he is only 11. Although he won't be having 24hr access at 15 either. He is also neuro diverse. Midnight is far too late.

Update - decided not to apply the wifi restrictions to my 2 older (adult) dds who pay for their own phones and are only here during the holidays anyway. Will be honest with dd3 if she asks and tell her we've thought about it and different people have different needs/rules.

We're also going to bring forward the 11.30pm switch off to 11pm from September and give her plenty of notice that it's happening. Although the problem is she is showering/getting ready very late (after the wifi switch off) so needs a bit of further thought.

Say that showering etc has to be done by 7 (or whatever time you want) or you will cut off her Wi-Fi even earlier so she has time to do it.

This.

OP I think I saw your other thread.

I use to do lots of exercise and learnt to shower as soon as I got home. Otherwise I would end up with spots even though otherwise I rarely got spots.

So my routine was come home and immediately go in the shower, put on relaxed clothing/nightwear deo

Pressed post to soon.

So my routine was come home and immediately go in the shower, put on relaxed clothing/nightwear depending on time of evening, eat and then do whatever.

She's 15! Why is an entire household of adults bending over backwards to pander to the tantrums of one spoilt teenager?

You're the parent, for the love of God just take the bloody phone off her at night and if she kicks off then she clearly isn't mature enough to have a phone.

This sums it up pretty well.

Oh,I see I've replied twice on here. 🙄😂

Anyway, I stand by both posts.

I have boys who are 23, 20, 18 & 15. The wifi here goes off from 11.30pm-7am. It's good for all of us to not be staring at a screen through the night.

It's definitely improved sleep for all of us. They older ones do moan still. But I've said I'm not removing restrictions till the youngest is 18. Hopefully some of them will have moved out by then! 😂

The older ones have more data, but they prefer not to use it all up over nights.

Ridiculous. Yabvu by switching it off for the adults too because you can’t control your DD.
it’s probably too late to enforce boundaries like this on your DD but thoroughly on the adults.

I switch our Wi-Fi off at night but that’s because I choose to, not because of demands a teen makes.

My apologies. Late to the party.
Your plan sounds good, pp’s suggestion of shower before Wi-Fi is a good one.

You

You are all absolutely right, it’s completely my fault for letting things get this bad. Older two were very easy teens, I’m now paying for it big time with dd3. Rubbish parenting I know, just want to get back on track and correct the mistakes. Thank you for being so honest, I needed to hear it.

It's not rubbish parenting. It's easier for people outside to see what needs to be done than it is for parents who are living it and have to deal with the teen! Don't worry, it'll work out .

Just hope I haven’t left it too late to get back on track.

This evening I experimented by telling her I expect her to be showered and ready by 10.30pm. She turned her nose up to that so I said we would need to re-think the wifi times. She then moaned that 11.30pm was early enough. FFS 🙄

Out of interest, do you think I should insist on reasonable showering times during the school holidays? Dh thought we’d relax a bit but re-introduce the rules 2 weeks before school starts.

I'd say something like she has to be showered by 9. That gives her plenty of time to do it when she wants but gives you the scope to say that if it isn't done she'll lose internet access.
Tou can't really have her telling you that 11.30 is early enough - she's not the boss of you! You decide that is reasonable and then tell her. You aren't doing anything draconian - she's still getting her whole evening to do pretty much what she wants, she just has to have a 10 mini shower before 9 (or whenever you decide). It's not a huge ask.

I'd probably stick to same rules whether it's term time or holidays.

Hmmm dance nights are tricky. The timetable has changed again, on Monday nights she has classes from 6.45 - 9.15! Goodness knows when she’ll eat dinner, she can’t eat a big meal before a class.

I think whatever you do is going to be really difficult but it's easier to establish rules now rather than later.