To turn the wifi off at midnight?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

I’ve got 3 dds aged 21, 19 and 15. When older two were younger teens they were pretty sensible about phones and wifi use. We had some loose rules about leaving phones downstairs which we gradually relaxed as they got older.

However dd3 is a different kettle of fish and technology has moved on in only a few years. Dd3 is autistic and has had some problems lately with sleep hygiene and poor school attendance. Up till last autumn her devices switched off at 11pm but she persuaded me to lift the restrictions completely which I did as a trial. Since then her sleep and routine has gone to pot.

We’ve taken professional advice and think it’s best to re-introduce night time restrictions. Decided on 11.30pm on school nights (too late I know but there had to be some compromise) and midnight weekends and holidays. This will be for the whole house but can’t decide if it’s unfair for the older two who are home during the holidays. Older two have a lot of data so can use that after midnight if needed.

AIBU?

@Harridance
How do you do this?

Op,

I also have a child in seconds school with autism and the psychologist told us two thing:

1. Suicide talk in ASD is much more dangerous than in neuro typical children. This is because if they do not understand their strong emotions are transient they will see them as permanent and factual and therefore more likely to act on it.

For example, a NT child may say, "I'm so upset I want to kill myself, I hope it changes, oh yikes, it's late. I’ve got to get the bus to school." Whereas a child with ASD will say, ""I'm so upset I want to kill myself, it's not going to change so I'd better find a way to do it." And they're more likely to make a plan that works.

When my ASD child spoke of suicide it was treated VERY seriously by professionals and especially because of the autism, which makes the situation far more dangerous. So my point is, it may be she would benefit from CBT counselling to help her learn coping strategies, which apparently is really useful for these kind of situations with autism. They need to be taught what their emotions are and that emotions will go, and how to cope until they've gone.

1. A child with ASD typically finds computing/gaming/any technology really, soothing for them. So although it's addictive it's got the additional bonus of escape they they perhaps cannot easily gain from anything else to help self-soothe and self-regulate.

That said, we were warned to find other self-soothing strategies, not least because power cuts happen! But also for the health and balance of the child.

They won't automatically teach these things themselves; that's where you need to come in and offer alternatives to try, and teach them how to do this.

She could eat a small meal 5:45 to see her through, and then a snack once she's finished?

Get an app that just blocks her devices with a time schedule. I have one - wifi blocker, it's called. Or make a guest wifi on your router and give pword to the older 2.
But she may still find plenty to do without wifi eg phone games and downloaded films. (I've been here with stubborn teen and had to give up at 16 but I would have preferred to keep limits til postGCSEs)

@ImJustACuriousBird thank you. It’s very scary when my dd says these things. But I have noticed recently that she does calm down quite quickly. A few weeks ago she had a meltdown over the Wi-Fi in the daytime I think it was. I went out, she sent me messages saying she was going to kill herself, she was serious etc. I was really scared. Then not long afterwards she messaged me to ask if she could get her eyebrows done!

Last week, another row about her coming/not coming to watch her sister’s dance show. She kept calling and calling, we had already had a discussion and said I was hanging up now. She messsged to say answer the phone now or I’ll kill myself.

Whilst I would never write these threats off, I’m pretty sure she uses them as emotional manipulation. She’s refused all offers of counselling so far. I just hope that one day with time and maturity she will accept it.

What is she using the phone for during the night? As PP say - you can block individual devices from the wifi but I'd be wanting to know what she is using it for when she is supposed to be in bed.

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