To have said this to bloke at work?

[VirginiaCreek]

I get my hair coloured every 6-8 weeks, it’s always a similar colour but I tend to go slightly darker in summer when my skin is a little darker.

New bloke at work - he’s been there around 4 weeks. I turned up to work yesterday and he said “have you dyed your hair?”, I replied “yes, I do every few weeks”. He then said “oh, I liked it better before, the lighter colour suited you”. I replied “that’s ok, I didn’t dye it to impress you”. I smiled as I said it - I wasn’t trying to be arsey.

another colleague then said “that was a little harsh!” ?? Was it??

What a perfect response. I wish I could think as quickly as you!

Love it! You didn't ask for his opinion!

Spot on!

Yes.

Thanks Dorothy for the head wobble explanation.. it's a reet daft expression if you ask me 😂

Great response imo.

Great response.

If he'd have commented (after you had leave for example) saying you look bigger/ thinner and I prefer the weight you were before, this would be totally unacceptable- as it's personal.
Just as personal as your hair imo.

What was his response? 😂

Because we’re not supposed to shatter the illusion that everything we do is in aid of the male gaze 🙄

You were harsh imho.

I like it and will remember it.

So in summary, only offer a complement if requested.

then if x person asks your perspectives, then if it's nice you can say wow, beautiful etc.

or if it was better styles previous, then you are ment to lie and give a positive comment instead ?

If someone asks for their honest opinion on their appearance then it is perfectly fine to give your honest opinion.

But just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean you can say it especially if it would make someone feel bad or insulted.

Haircuts, getting your hair dyed is costly and it’s something you invest your time in. If you are personally happy with the result then you won’t feel like you’ve wasted your money and your time.

You don’t need someone (whether it’s a man or a woman) telling you that it looked better before you spent your money and time on it.

If you are happy with it then decent people will respect that and keep their negative opinion to themselves. Opinion isn’t fact it’s just your personal opinion, someone else’s opinion could differ. Someone else could look at her hair and like it. So if your opinion is negative and you haven’t been asked to give your opinion honestly, then the only reason to share it is to put the other person down, make them feel bad or it’s because you arrogantly view your own opinions as fact.

In that case, a person like that (man or woman) deserves to be taken down a peg or two 😊

@VirginiaCreek Great response.

So in summary shut the fuck up about womens appearance. Especially at work.

No one cares about your opinion. They way a woman looks isn't about you.

He was rude. Maybe next time he goes to mansplain a woman's appearance choices to her, he'll think. YANBU

Is it ok to say whatever you like about a man's appearance, especially at work?

Just don't comment on someone's appearance unless (a) they are a friend not just a colleague and (b) it's a nice comment.

On the rare occasion that someone asks for your honest opinion, then still only say what is helpful. Just think about the effect of your words on the other person and what you are trying to achieve.

In general, if you are struggling to understand when it is acceptable to comment to work colleagues about their appearance, saying nothing is always fine. There are plenty of other things to talk about.

Going against the grain here..... you say he's been there approx 4 weeks? Could this not have been his way of making conversation with you, trying to compliment you and showing an interest in you? He 'noticed' your hair (therefore noticed you) before so possibly could imply he's interested in you? Your reply WNBU if it was said in a jokey manner but personally depending how you said it, it could have been a little harsh.

Yes, Op, be kind to the man who made a personal comment about your appearance or you might upset him.

But essentially saying your hair isn't good is not a little harsh?

Great response, men seem to think we do things to impress them, when in fact we don't, we do things for ourselves.
Plus he gave a personal opinion on your appearance when it wasn't necessary or wanted. As innocent as the comment was, it still had the potential to effect your self esteem on your chosen hair colour. Why can't someone just be happy with their hair, without the need for approval by others? You're not there to have your appearance judged/liked by men.

But he didn't compliment her?? Instead he chose to bash her confidence/self esteem and was a insulting of her choices.
He deems appearance more important than what the OP actually wants to do, which is a very common reaction and I'm not surprised by it to be honest.

Reminded me of many years ago a guy I knew said to me, "Oh I don't like that dress" (I wore dresses & leggings a lot).
Somehow I managed to come back with, "Good. I wore it to annoy you."

Had I asked for his opinion in the first place he might have had a politer response.

Women don't have to be grateful for being 'noticed' by men! They are colleagues - she's not trying to catch his eye in a bar, so he should be professional and ensure that his version of 'making conversation' is a little less offensive than offering unsolicited criticism on the appearance of someone he barely knows.

Just don't comment on someone's appearance unless (a) they are a friend not just a colleague and (b) it's a nice comment.

I struggle with (b). Saying "I like your hair" means "I don't like someone else's hair." That's not very nice.

"I like your new haircut" = "Your old haircut sucked"
"That dress is beautiful" = "Other clothes look bad on you"

It's all pretty unsafe.

Your comeback was unnecessarily harsh to a new colleague, when you have been there a while. He may have been still feeling awkward, getting to know everyone and now gets an ear full when trying to strike up conversation. He was clumsy, but hey we all are sometimes.

Starting a new job is never easy and it’s best to be kind with the new arrivals rather taking on the sassy bitch type persona you (and most other bandwagoneers on the thread) seem to be revelling in.

Anyway, you can all feel good about him “being told”. Lovely.