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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said this to bloke at work?

141 replies

VirginiaCreek · 09/07/2022 07:35

I get my hair coloured every 6-8 weeks, it’s always a similar colour but I tend to go slightly darker in summer when my skin is a little darker.

New bloke at work - he’s been there around 4 weeks. I turned up to work yesterday and he said “have you dyed your hair?”, I replied “yes, I do every few weeks”. He then said “oh, I liked it better before, the lighter colour suited you”. I replied “that’s ok, I didn’t dye it to impress you”. I smiled as I said it - I wasn’t trying to be arsey.

another colleague then said “that was a little harsh!” ?? Was it??

OP posts:
AbsoluteYawns · 09/07/2022 08:24

bambi1132 · 09/07/2022 07:42

Perfect response. Women are not here to look pretty for men.

Couldn't agree more! Perfect reply OP.

ShirleyPhallus · 09/07/2022 08:24

abblie · 09/07/2022 08:19

Rude he tried to speak to you and you shot him down bet he thinks your a right cow now

God who cares if someone who is a bit rude to you thinks you’re a cow?

had enough of women needing to be “be kind” to tolerate this shit from men

CallOnMe · 09/07/2022 08:29

If you said it in a funny way I think it’s a great response.

I work with students like your colleague who can’t help but say their opinion and a witty reply is usually the best response.

EmilyBolton · 09/07/2022 08:30

It just missed the MN address of “thank you random man” but other than that it was a polite assertive “fuck off”.

LampLighter414 · 09/07/2022 08:30

Haha you are so cool OP you sure showed him!

P205 · 09/07/2022 08:45

He was really rude!

Good on you for pointing that out to him!

Beamur · 09/07/2022 08:49

That made me chuckle.
Perfect response to a rude man. What he said was not a compliment and he deserved that reply.

Tootlingalong · 09/07/2022 08:58

This made me lol, love the response! Not harsh at all.

PolkaDotMankini · 09/07/2022 08:58

Brilliant response.

chilledbubble · 09/07/2022 09:07

abblie · 09/07/2022 08:19

Rude he tried to speak to you and you shot him down bet he thinks your a right cow now

We've had "bitchy" and now "cow". Any more gendered insults? Why isn't the bloke getting any? He was a dick.

takealettermsjones · 09/07/2022 09:08

You're my hero!

BitOutOfPractice · 09/07/2022 09:10

Why do so many men seem to think we are all desperate to hear what they think of what women do, wear, say, are?

I think your response was perfect.

Whitehorsegirl · 09/07/2022 09:11

Perfect response.

Totally inappropriate for him to give you his unsolicited views on your physical appearance in the workplace...

As for the person who describe your response as ''bitchy'', what a weird thing to say...no one asked him for his opinion and women are not put on this earth to be judged by men on their appearance.

Standing up for yourself is never ''bitchy''...

nickthefox · 09/07/2022 09:11

phishy · 09/07/2022 07:42

YANBU! Great response.

Although I have just realised that I comment EVERY single time I notice colleagues (male and female) have had a hair cut. They always seem chuffed and the response is always along the lines of ‘thanks for noticing’, but wondering if I’m being a bit unreasonable to comment now.

If you say 'nice haircut' or 'it suits you' then it's fine.
if you say 'it looked better before' or question why someone changed their own hair then its rude.

I think the poster gave the response because he said he didn't like the new colour and preferred the old one. Which is rude to say to someone and could have made her feel bad about her new hair.

topcat2014 · 09/07/2022 09:16

I am glad to find I use one of the two approved responses to any of my staff when they get their hair cut..

WizardOfAus · 09/07/2022 09:30

Are you sure your colleague wasn't referring to the man's initial comment as being 'harsh'?

Lindy2 · 09/07/2022 09:34

Yours was a good response.

The rudeness was when he went past a general polite comment about you having had your hair done, and put forward his opinion on how you should colour your hair.

He overstepped, you put him back.

Blossomandbee · 09/07/2022 09:45

Great response! Too many men have an unwanted opinion!

motherofcatsandbears · 09/07/2022 10:05

It sounds like he was trying to be friendly and pay you a compliment. You’ve probably shattered his confidence and will never say anything nice to anyone again.

Alconleigh · 09/07/2022 10:11

motherofcatsandbears · 09/07/2022 10:05

It sounds like he was trying to be friendly and pay you a compliment. You’ve probably shattered his confidence and will never say anything nice to anyone again.

Won't someone think of the poor delicate (inappropriate and rude) men!!!

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/07/2022 10:13

Perfect.

He clearly needs to be taught about boundaries and you did that

EightChalk · 09/07/2022 10:14

motherofcatsandbears · 09/07/2022 10:05

It sounds like he was trying to be friendly and pay you a compliment. You’ve probably shattered his confidence and will never say anything nice to anyone again.

How is an insult (that he liked it better before) a compliment?! If that's what he considers a compliment then it's a good thing if her response stops him from "complimenting" other people in the future.

coodawoodashooda · 09/07/2022 10:14

MandSStoreManager · 09/07/2022 07:35

Great response.

This

LesterKnopf · 09/07/2022 10:16

motherofcatsandbears · 09/07/2022 10:05

It sounds like he was trying to be friendly and pay you a compliment. You’ve probably shattered his confidence and will never say anything nice to anyone again.

It wasn't a compliment though. He was basically saying OP looked better before. A compliment would be 'it looks nice'

He's entitled to have an opinion but has no right to share it with the OP if she didn't ask for it. If he felt the need to comment, a fairly neutral polite one like "oh your hair style suits you / colour looks nice" is fine.

Schoolchoicesucks · 09/07/2022 10:20

Your response was perfect. His "I liked it better before" was inappropriate.
It wasn't a compliment - it was a (slightly) negative comment on your appearance. You didn't invite it.

Had he complimented you, or responded to you asking him for his opinion, your response may be a little harsh. That wasn't the case.

The colleague thought it was a little harsh as they were expecting you to behave as a socialised female and expect unsolicited critical comments on your appearance gratefully.

Well done you for not doing that!