Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Autism isn't a fucking superpower !!

162 replies

lollipoprainbow · 08/07/2022 12:57

Sorry but it's really not. I'm currently doing an online autism course with a lovely bunch of parents and the teacher of the course is sweet but she will keep referring to autism as a superpower and everyone chuckles and agrees!! If they could see how distressed my dd10 is every day, having massive meltdowns about her looks etc they'd have a different view.

Anyone else agree with me ??

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 08/07/2022 15:22

Definitely not a superpower. I like the mac in a pc world analogy, that describes my ds1 quite well. I always like to describe him as being like an expat who speaks English really well. Because people don't always notice he is autistic but underneath the surface he is working extremely hard. I've also heard people with aspergers syndrome compared to swans. Because they look serene but under the water they are frantically paddling.

Eatingchips · 08/07/2022 15:29

I've also heard people with aspergers syndrome compared to swans. Because they look serene but under the water they are frantically paddling.

That is my DD to a tee.

orbitalcrisis · 08/07/2022 15:30

I have autism and it has at times been extremely disabling. Trying to conform to socities' weird rules is exhausting. People call us unempathetic then demand we mentally harm ourselves to behave in a way they find acceptable, even though we're not hurting anyone.

I do think my brain is amazing though, it's really interesting and funny in here. My brain has up 20 more neural pathways for each of a typical person's single one making things louder, brighter, more intense. Sometimes the intensity can be a little too much but if the world weren't so full of noisy, inflexible arseholes, I could see autism as a superpower of sorts. A pretty shit one but it's more than most people have.

Change123today · 08/07/2022 15:30

My daughter wouldn’t feel like this.

She has no amazing genius skills, she wishes there was a pill/fix for the socially anxiety and just to fit in and not always feel on the outside. Her biggest ask would be to have a best friend.

To me she is amazing as I know it’s not easy and she amazes me as she learning to put coping mechanisms in situations. But it can take everything out of her! So super power no but she to me she really is amazing.

5zeds · 08/07/2022 15:38

It’s so rude and obtuse. Like telling someone in a wheelchair how lucky they are to be sitting down.

Sierra1961 · 08/07/2022 15:48

@ofwarren thank you! 💜

Chickenkatsu · 08/07/2022 15:49

My son is being assessed for autism and the senco teacher kept saying that "it's not a bad thing" all I could think of was that Louis Theroux episode where she said, "I want you to film this, this is is autism".

Original poster
lollipoprainbow · 08/07/2022 16:08

I was in the minority everyone nodded and smiled in agreement and I just sat there fuming, Chris sodding packham was mentioned too just to throw in the celebrities with autism cliche!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lollipoprainbow · 08/07/2022 16:10

@Change123today same with my dd, friendships are her biggest challenge and she is so anxious also. Her self esteem is shot to pieces, she was begging me to 'change her face' this morning as she hates the way she looks, it's heartbreaking.

What's with the whole thing about autism bringing special talents for some also like the arts etc. my dd doesn't have any of that !! She's just a little girl struggling with the world.

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 08/07/2022 16:12

Eatingchips · 08/07/2022 15:29

I've also heard people with aspergers syndrome compared to swans. Because they look serene but under the water they are frantically paddling.

That is my DD to a tee.

And my ds. It's a disability. Yes there are some upsides but it's not like life has bestowed some amazing gift on him. Misunderstanding social communication when you are a member of a social species makes life very, very difficult.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/07/2022 16:14

Have you heard of 'toxic positivity', and would you be brave enough to bring it up and ask them to stop?

Yes I've heard of it, and in fact I mentioned this when many were falling over each other to utter the fashionable new buzzphrase over Greta

And got deleted for it ...

Porcupineintherough · 08/07/2022 16:17

lollipoprainbow · 08/07/2022 16:08

I was in the minority everyone nodded and smiled in agreement and I just sat there fuming, Chris sodding packham was mentioned too just to throw in the celebrities with autism cliche!!

Before people get a "rah" about Chris Packham bring autistic they should read his autobiography. It's really clear about how much struggle has gone on behind the celebrity.

Colinthesnail · 08/07/2022 16:18

TorviShieldMaiden · 08/07/2022 14:49

I don't think my dd would agree either, but I once asked her if she would prefer not to be autistic (or something like that- i think I phrased it differently) and she said no, as it is what makes her, her.

If you use the social model of disability (which you should) it isn't autism that disables, but the society and neurotypical world.

So no, it isn't a superpower, but I also don't agree with some of the ways it is described here.

I always slightly struggle with this. In many cases, I can see how my child would find life easier in an world better designed for his needs. If handshaking wasn’t a thing and music in supermarkets didn’t exist. If the education system wasn’t so absurdly rigid.

But he’s not just disabled by living in a NT focused world. For example he finds certain bodily functions very distressing - not because of society’s expectations around toilets etc but because of his sensory experience of the actual physical processes. His body and brain just don’t always agree with each other and aren’t “comfortable” places for him to be some of the time and that’s sometimes more biological reality than anything else. I’m not sure how I square that with the narrative that his autism is only a disability because of society.

Maybe I misunderstood your point.

zingally · 08/07/2022 16:44

It depends.

I sometimes do some supply teaching work in a special unit (attached to a mainstream school) for kids with Autism. I'd say most of the children there are very disabled. Very few of them will go on to lead anything close to an independent "normal" adult life.

Floogal · 08/07/2022 16:44

While we're on the subject I've noticed society is more accepting of ASD children and teenagers. Whereas adults (whether people know they have ASD or not) are usually dismissed as benefit scroungers or ( in the case of men) labelled as creepy or predatory. The amount of derogatory anti-autism threads I've seen here

BessieFinkNottle · 08/07/2022 16:50

If you use the social model of disability (which you should) it isn't autism that disables, but the society and neurotypical world.

Not in DS's case @TorviShieldMaiden.
It's the autism - the way his brain works - that primarily disables.
He's very sociable.

x2boys · 08/07/2022 16:59

My son is completely oblivious to the fact he has autism he only has a very basic understanding of the world around him,as long as his needs are being him he's generally very happy ,but clearly he is disabled by his autism he will never lead and independent life .

haggan · 08/07/2022 17:01

I'm as sick of hearing how it's 'society' as much as I'm sick of it being described as a fucking superpower tbh.

Saying 'society not accepting differences' just minimises that actual disability. It's frustrating as fuck, as if we can solve disabilities by 'acceptance' - it's bollocks. I don't think any other disability is constantly dismissed in this way.

fatlazycow · 08/07/2022 17:41

DS was diagnosed at 4. I’ve found support communities online tricky to navigate at times as it seems it can be easy to offend and difficult to keep up which words and phrases are/are not acceptable.

i have noticed on some platforms you tend to get self-diagnosed high functioning (again not sure if that is an okay term or not...) young adults getting very angry towards parents/carers for being open about the reality of caring 24/7 for a disabled severely autistic child.

I believe one thing that makes it tricky is we really don’t know much about what autism actually IS. The symptoms itself are what define it currently. I also see a lot of resistance and anger to any studies or investigation on the causes of autism so I don’t know how much we will ever know.

x2boys · 08/07/2022 17:47

fatlazycow · 08/07/2022 17:41

DS was diagnosed at 4. I’ve found support communities online tricky to navigate at times as it seems it can be easy to offend and difficult to keep up which words and phrases are/are not acceptable.

i have noticed on some platforms you tend to get self-diagnosed high functioning (again not sure if that is an okay term or not...) young adults getting very angry towards parents/carers for being open about the reality of caring 24/7 for a disabled severely autistic child.

I believe one thing that makes it tricky is we really don’t know much about what autism actually IS. The symptoms itself are what define it currently. I also see a lot of resistance and anger to any studies or investigation on the causes of autism so I don’t know how much we will ever know.

Yes I had to come off all of those groups as I found them neither helpful or supportive, i have found one group based in the US specifically for parents of children with severe autism and learning disabilities ,they do understand the realities of my life .

5zeds · 08/07/2022 18:04

@TorviShieldMaiden If you use the social model of disability (which you should) it isn't autism that disables, but the society and neurotypical world. bollocks. No amount of bending of the world would negate ds’s disability.

@x2boys I’ve honestly not found anywhere on line beyond MNSN back in the day, that caters for parents of more severely impacted people. It’s very hard and crushingly lonely.

JellyBellyNelly · 08/07/2022 18:26

I’m not sure how I square that with the narrative that his autism is only a disability because of society.

Maybe I misunderstood your point

Im pretty sure you didn’t. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t either.

Mores the pity.

JellyBellyNelly · 08/07/2022 18:32

5zeds · 08/07/2022 18:04

@TorviShieldMaiden If you use the social model of disability (which you should) it isn't autism that disables, but the society and neurotypical world. bollocks. No amount of bending of the world would negate ds’s disability.

@x2boys I’ve honestly not found anywhere on line beyond MNSN back in the day, that caters for parents of more severely impacted people. It’s very hard and crushingly lonely.

It was a bloody wilderness out there way way back in the day. 🙈

Then the internet came along and it was still a bloody wilderness though I can remember being a member of Autism Uk which was a yahoo group at the time and very good. Later on we then had PAAINS and that was where I found a home for years and made some very good friends I’d meet up with when in the UK in the summer.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 08/07/2022 18:34

If you use the social model of disability (which you should) it isn't autism that disables, but the society and neurotypical world.

See, I think that's nonsense. DD has autism and she struggles in so many ways, and always has done.
It's definitely a disability. Her struggles aren't all related to society at all.
I don't think these autistic social media influencers help either.

Justrealised · 08/07/2022 18:34

There is a Facebook group for parents of children with severe autism which is full of people that understand and they fo remove people who join and don't get it as it clearly isn't the place gor them. There is also the council for sever autism which has a fbk page too which is worth a look.

@5zeds And @x2boys