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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to take out a finance agreement for partner

290 replies

Queen736 · 08/07/2022 11:46

Just some background info - have been with my partner for 4 years and we are expecting a baby boy in a few months time.

He made some pretty silly financial decisions when he was younger which has led to bad credit and him unable to obtain a finance agreement for the new car he wants. He has asked me to take out the finance agreement in my name and he will pay me the money every month. My issue is I don't feel comfortable taking on this amount of credit (it is quite a considerable amount) and feel that this will affect me when I want to get a new car in the future - I currently own my car outright but have recently been looking to purchase a new car on finance...surely having his car in my name too would prevent me from doing this as I would not pass the affordability checks?

Am I being selfish or is this just a normal thing that people do for their partners?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 08/07/2022 21:08

Yep...the usual scum that leaves their partner drowning in debt.🙄

Love my arse.

Let this be a real warning to you.

He's a waster.

Protect yourself.
Please.

Meraas · 08/07/2022 21:16

Queen736 · 08/07/2022 17:46

Thanks everyone. He's currently using the "but I thought you loved me" line on me. I feel very manipulated and emotional and it's the last thing I need while being heavily pregnant 🙄

What a prick 😡

Snugglepumpkin · 08/07/2022 21:32

Well OP, you thought he loved you too.
Unfortunately, he just sees you as a way to spend money he doesn't have & doesn't care if he puts your finances at risk to do it.

Please don't give in, because if he actually did love you, he wouldn't be prepared to put his selfish desire to have a new car before his pregnant partner & his unborn child.

After 6 years or so, things fall off your credit record & if he still can't get car credit after years (you didn't say how many) then he must be really bad with money.

Don't have a joint account with him, don't have a joint anything with him if you can help it.

He sounds like the sort of man who usually ends up telling his next girlfriend about his 'mental controlling ex who won't let him see his child', when actually he pays zero maintenance & can't be bothered to so much as stick a birthday card in the post.

IncompleteSenten · 08/07/2022 22:02

Point out that if he loved you he wouldn't be asking you to take a financial risk for him.

boopdeflouff · 08/07/2022 22:03

'I thought you loved me' does not mean having to sort your finances out.

He is a grown ass man.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/07/2022 22:03

He's currently using the "but I thought you loved me" line on me

Yes, I expected that; sadly it's just what this type does

He's probably banking on you giving in because you'll want him around now there's a baby, but if you do be aware that he could dump you just the same - only he'll be leaving you with much less money to spend because of the debt

babyjellyfish · 08/07/2022 22:09

Queen736 · 08/07/2022 17:46

Thanks everyone. He's currently using the "but I thought you loved me" line on me. I feel very manipulated and emotional and it's the last thing I need while being heavily pregnant 🙄

Red flags all over this.

FairFuming · 08/07/2022 22:20

Hes guilt tripping you while you pregnant with his baby because you won't make it possible for him to upgrade his car... please make sure the baby has your lastname

wellhelloitsme · 08/07/2022 23:01

If you aren't married, please give the baby your last name.

There's absolutely no reason not to other than outdated and nonsensical patriarchal toxicity.

Why give them his name and not yours when you're statistically more likely to be primary carer both within the relationship and also if you split?

Have a serious think about that rather than defaulting to outdated social norms Flowers

HollowTalk · 08/07/2022 23:46

In his head, he has the car and is driving around showing off in it. Now you are telling him that won't happen. You are spoiling his future!

He needs to get a grip. Why on earth would you take out that debt for him? You've only known him for four years!

If he doesn't see sense, then you need to really consider whether this is the man for you. I certainly wouldn't dream of marrying him or having any joint accounts.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 09/07/2022 01:05

Ugh to him using such emotional pressure at such a time!
There are many answers. The sweetest: you love him far too much to let him get into such impossible debt !

This could be a sinking relationship... keep in mind that 'women and children first' is all about the survival of the species. Hang on to your own life-jackets.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/07/2022 01:13

If he loved you he would never ask this of you. The mask is slipping.

Rainbowqueeen · 09/07/2022 01:16

And you thought he was a mature adult who no longer made stupid financial decisions.

You’re right OP, you don’t need this shit right now. Please find RL support from friends and family. Give baby your surname - it’s easy to change to your boyfriends name later but near impossible to change from his to yours.

Wishing you all the best.

AnaïsM · 09/07/2022 01:36

Queen736 · 08/07/2022 17:46

Thanks everyone. He's currently using the "but I thought you loved me" line on me. I feel very manipulated and emotional and it's the last thing I need while being heavily pregnant 🙄

Not that you need any reason at all to say no, but if you wanted one now is the time for the two of you to be getting some savings so that if and when unexpected expenses come up you can use them rather than being in serious trouble or starting to head into a debt spiral.

DrFlorence · 09/07/2022 08:43

Aquamarine1029 · 09/07/2022 01:13

If he loved you he would never ask this of you. The mask is slipping.

This ^^

Just say "ditto. Because of you truly loved me you would never ask this of me"

forrestgreen · 09/07/2022 10:06

I do love you, I'm having your baby!

zingally · 09/07/2022 10:40

Absolutely not.

Legally, the debt would be ALL YOURS, and nothing to do with him. Big fat NOPE. If he can't afford the car he wants, then he needs to look again at the cars he can afford. Those two variables rarely tally up when it comes to cars!

TheDepthsOfDespair · 09/07/2022 10:50

Yanbu.

if married then maybe but definitely not at the moment.

DH took out finance for my car as I couldn’t afford it but we’re married, finances are all shared and my car is the family car really.

TheDepthsOfDespair · 09/07/2022 10:50

I should add, I would for my DH as he has for me….

skyeisthelimit · 09/07/2022 12:11

Years ago, with XH, before we were married, I paid off his credit card debts by transferring it into a 0% card in my name to help him out. I would have done anything to help him as I loved him and also I felt sorry for him. He then ran the same debt up all over again and hid it from me. When I found out, we nearly split up over it as I felt so betrayed. He had twice the debt only half of it was in my name now!

I would never lend a partner money or take out a finance/debt on their behalf. It has to be tough love, as you need to protect yourself first. They don't give a shit when they waltz off into the sunshine and it's all in your name.

ThinWomansBrain · 09/07/2022 12:17

you're about to have a child together and he decides it's the perfect time to buy a flashy new car that he can't afford?
you should have thought this through a few months ago - good luck.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 09/07/2022 13:25

The rule about lending is never to lend what you aren't willing to give.
(The paying back of debts often falls through- so it is a good rule)

Do you feel that this is a good time for you to be spending so much money on a car-gift to him?

Tessabelle74 · 09/07/2022 17:37

DON'T DO IT! If he had a history of fab credit etc, then I'd see no issues with it but he doesn't. It could potentially ruin your credit rating

ChrisConary · 09/07/2022 17:59

Don't do it. He is your 'partner', not your spouse. If you can't commit to marriage, don't commit financially. If you do, make sure that the car is YOUR car, in your name, and that you and he are insured.

Fudgemonkeys · 09/07/2022 18:05

Don't do it. You will be liable for every cost associated with the car, so if he doesn't pay 1 month you will still have to.