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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to take out a finance agreement for partner

290 replies

Queen736 · 08/07/2022 11:46

Just some background info - have been with my partner for 4 years and we are expecting a baby boy in a few months time.

He made some pretty silly financial decisions when he was younger which has led to bad credit and him unable to obtain a finance agreement for the new car he wants. He has asked me to take out the finance agreement in my name and he will pay me the money every month. My issue is I don't feel comfortable taking on this amount of credit (it is quite a considerable amount) and feel that this will affect me when I want to get a new car in the future - I currently own my car outright but have recently been looking to purchase a new car on finance...surely having his car in my name too would prevent me from doing this as I would not pass the affordability checks?

Am I being selfish or is this just a normal thing that people do for their partners?

OP posts:

Glitternails1 · 09/07/2022 22:18

@Queen736 tell him he can buy a car outright, not on finance. He needs to go to a used car showroom and choose a car he can pay with money that’s currently in his bank account. Of course he also needs money for bills and the new baby!

Why are you having a baby with this selfish, entitled man child?

Ginandtonics · 09/07/2022 22:59

Don't set yourself up with an avoidable risk, especially with a baby on the way!

mylifestory · 09/07/2022 23:20

Your message very much reeks of his car and my car. I wonder whose child it will be? Seems ur not much intertwined yet, tell him to buy a cheaper car for what he can afford. Especially with a baby. And spell put that u want a car so won't be able to get it too.

Notateacheranymore · 09/07/2022 23:22

If your current car is in not too bad condition, why not gift or sell him yours and then you proceed with your new one, in your name and financed by your funds?

helpplease01 · 10/07/2022 07:54

DO NOT DO IT! The fact he wants you to should say it all. He’s bad with money. He gets to walk away, you will be saddled with the debt and bad credit score if it goes wrong. And a baby.
You have a child on the way! This is no time for buying cars you can’t afford! Especially with the cost of living going up so much.

If he throws his toys out the Pram because you refuse, you have your answer. As an new father, this should NOT be his priority.

Have some strength in your gut instinct. Your thinking for two now.

marktayloruk · 10/07/2022 09:43

I agree with everybody else so far! Experience has taught me not to trust people in financial.matters.

KangFang · 10/07/2022 09:49

He's a loser who can't manage his money and expects others to compensate for his debt.
Doesn't sound like he has a whole lot of respect for you either.

wildchild554 · 10/07/2022 10:11

Don't do it, if relationship breaks down you may end up saddled with the debt. your partner is best going to CAB, there are also debt charities that can help advise. Debt needs to be sorted before your partner even considers any other forms of credit otherwise it ends up a downwards spiral.

ginexplorer · 10/07/2022 10:44

If you do it then you will be bailing him out for the rest of your life.
If he was a decent guy he wouldn't even ask you to do this.
If he had actually changed his ways (as I bet you are thinking "oh he was young and silly at the time " ) as the excuse to do it, then he would have saved up himself and sorted it out - especially if you had planned a baby together.

It sounds like as a couple you can only afford 1 car and thats yours. He needs to learn that silly decisions have consequences and these are his. This isn't about you not being a nice partner to him. Its about him growing up and accepting responsibility.

I hope you can see this situation for what it is and take care financially to secure a future for yourself and baby as I am not sure I would be wanting to rely on a man like this. I have always earned my own money and have a strong career that I worked hard for. I could easily hold my own family if I ever needed to walk away. But when you have a small baby in tow its much more difficult. Please plan ahead, do not saddle yourself with the additional responsibility of this large debt as believe it or not - irresponsible guys tend to up and leave once the going gets tough with a new baby and then you really will be in a bad situation. I know this sounds cynical but us ladies really do need to think wisely about who we partner up with in life and the need to be self sufficient and not dependent on a man as you never really know what can happen in future.

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 10/07/2022 11:05

it would be a total no from me… up to him to finance something that will be his! He’ll have to work more hours and save… We all want things in life, but if you can’t afford it on your own merits you shouldn’t be buying it! If you do this you are just enabling his inability to learn how to deal with his money.

Pixiedust1234 · 10/07/2022 13:41

I'm hoping op will come back and say her other half has seen the light and is saving up. And that he knows how much op loves him based on the fact she didn't kick him out when he tried the emotional blackmail route.

Mumski45 · 10/07/2022 14:05

So if he left you he could leave you with a baby, a loan to pay, no child support, reduced ability to borrow and goodness knows what else.

Your instinct is right - don't do it.

I would also be concerned that he was even asking you to do this and if he starts to put pressure on you then I would walk away as it shows were his priorities lie, ie with a new car.

It sounds like his days of making silly financial decisions are not over it's just that he now expects you to make them for him as he can't.

TheHumanExperience · 10/07/2022 17:44

No, no and no! It's better to feel bad for a short while than have your credit wrecked for years. What if the car he wrecked was the new one and you had only just started paying for it. What if he loses his job, breaks a leg, gets diagnosed with a medical condition etc etc etc. If he stops paying you, you still have FULL responsibility to meet those payments. It matters not why you took the loan out. So many people have done this and lived to regret it. Please don't join them. In the current financial crisis, no one 'needs' a new car. He can get a second-hand car with his insurance money.
Whatever loan you take out now, will impact your credit score regardless. Just make sure it's not in the wrong direction. There are no guarantees in life.

mybiggestfan · 10/07/2022 17:58

Like others have said get him to buy a cheap car. Mine only cost a couple of thousand pounds and is still running well after 4 years. I could afford a new car but it would be a total waste of money as they depreciate as soon as you drive them out of the garage.

me109f · 10/07/2022 18:45

He is a partner, not a husband. Some guys are arseholes when it comes to money. Guaranteeing his loan for a car is ridiculous. He cannot manage money but wants to live beyond his means and uses you to cover him for it. He is a child. He takes no responsibility for his previous stupidity.

Tell him to buy what HE can afford with cash, and a tool kit as he will need it. If he only can rustle up £100 or so, that is the price point for his new motor. He will then learn to maintain it using scrap yard parts, and service it himself. Then he has every incentive to save for a better car (cash only) and any other twatish other purchases he wants.
Childen are very expensive. Can you afford to be a mum and support two kids? If not, consider finding a more grown-up partner and have a less impoverished life. Incidentally, many cars are given away free. I have unwillingly had 4 thrust upon me 4, all good runners. My brother has had about 6! There are often friends, neighbours and relatives who just want rid without going to the bother of selling a car as they have had good service out of them and want to move on.

Caelan2018 · 10/07/2022 23:01

Under no circumstances do this I did this and was left to pay back the loan and we were engaged at the time I broke ot off and he fucked off to another country and never repaid the loan bot just he will do that to you but it's just too risky

GoodJanetBadJanet · 10/07/2022 23:13

Hell no, you're not being selfish!!
Not a chance should you do that, it'll be legally your loan, not his.
If he's so shit with money, how can you be so sure he'll pay you back regularly and on time?!
So much scope for things to go wrong.
Hard no would I ever do that.

bruce43mydog · 10/07/2022 23:19

No No No!

GoodJanetBadJanet · 11/07/2022 00:19

Thanks everyone. He's currently using the "but I thought you loved me" line on me. I feel very manipulated and emotional and it's the last thing I need while being heavily pregnant 🙄
😡
Do not fall for his emotional blackmail guilt tripping bollocks.

Miisty · 11/07/2022 02:52

Don’t do it you’ll be on Mat leave let him save up

DeeCeeCherry · 11/07/2022 04:31

You're having a baby with a financially irresponsible man. Babies are expensive and that fact you're due to give birth shortly yet this man is asking you to sign a finance agreement is a huge red flag.

It's not a good thing at any time but particularly at this time, he's out of order. He sounds like a liability. If he's not got the money to sort himself out now then, how is he going to contribute to supporting his child financially?

I couldnt he asked with Broke Bill who needs bailing out but he's your partner so, just say No. Whats the worst that can happen?

Gardengirl108 · 11/07/2022 10:11

Just curious, is his insurance not paying out for the written off car?

Hoppinggreen · 11/07/2022 10:47

Yes but he wants to use this opportunity to upgrade apparently

ILoveYoga · 11/07/2022 11:22

So you’re expecting a baby boy in a few months and your partner, who has made poor financial decisions in the past that were bad enough that he cannot get credit, feels the timing is right to purchase an expensive car? Are you sure he is making sound financial decisions now? Surely st this time he should be putting away money for baby expenses and to help you with your financial commitments while you’re on a reduced income due to having his baby?

Original poster

Queen736 · 11/07/2022 11:36

I posted this thread to ask if I was being unreasonable in regards to my partners car situation - thanks to all the posters who have given me some really helpful advice relevant to this and given me the reassurance I needed.

Just to clarify for those who keep bringing up my child and asking why I'm having a child with this man - first of all, the pregnancy wasn't planned. I was actually on contraception which failed. Of course I would have loved to have been married before I had children, wouldn't most people? It just doesn't go that way for everyone! Since we're not married, I have always kept finances pretty separate. Since finding out about my pregnancy, I have always been well aware that he could just leave and not provide me with any support (not saying this is going to happen, but it's a situation I've seen played out one too many times). This is something I did take into consideration when deciding whether to go through with the pregnancy or not.

I have a good career, am a home owner and have been saving up a huge chunk of my salary each month. I also have huge support from my family. I am more than capable of providing for this child should my partner decide to disappear as some pp's have suggested. This wasn't what this thread was supposed to be about but I felt as though some pp's messages came across as though I would be in a completely hopeless situation should I have to be the sole provider for my child (obviously wouldn't be an ideal situation but it something I am able to do).

Back to the car situation... he has now found and bought a much cheaper car and has since apologised for his behaviour.

OP posts:

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