To not want to take out a finance agreement for partner

[Queen736]

Just some background info - have been with my partner for 4 years and we are expecting a baby boy in a few months time.

He made some pretty silly financial decisions when he was younger which has led to bad credit and him unable to obtain a finance agreement for the new car he wants. He has asked me to take out the finance agreement in my name and he will pay me the money every month. My issue is I don't feel comfortable taking on this amount of credit (it is quite a considerable amount) and feel that this will affect me when I want to get a new car in the future - I currently own my car outright but have recently been looking to purchase a new car on finance...surely having his car in my name too would prevent me from doing this as I would not pass the affordability checks?

Am I being selfish or is this just a normal thing that people do for their partners?

[Namerchangerextraordinaire]

He wanted a car to match the lifestyle that could go with YOUR financial situation not his own.

Wonder what else he'll be wanting in the future that is in your price range?

I don't think he is a keeper OP, even if he has dialled it back this time.

I'd be careful of your finances & tell him he needs to be working on building his own credit rating back up (& saving as well as contributing to the household so he can e.g. replace his own car if he needs to).

[Glittertwins]

Just seen your update OP, glad to see it's been sorted sensibly. Good luck with the pregnancy too.

[Ginandtonics]

Agree, don't marry him, keep finances disentangle and never risk your home or security. If he's turned out good in 10 years time, a decent father and responsible partner, maybe he's a 'keeper' and you could reconsider making a lifetime committment.

[KangFang]

Fair enough.

I would file this incident away in my mind though.
He has it in him to pull shit like this - so be very careful.
Also - never marry him.

[TheRAW]

No. This is not normal for people who are dating. All he has to do is not pay and/or break up with you and he won't owe you a dime and you owe the bank. (If you were married on the other hand, the court could intervene if necessary).

Unless you can easily cover the loan and have him sign a legally binding contract (with penalties) - don't even consider it.

[GonnaGetGoingReturns]

@ZealAndArdour

Given the new update on OP’s financial situation, is it really that wise to get married to this guy? So he gets a split of all of her hard earned assets? Her house, her savings? Her financial and emotional security? And she gets what from marriage…a share in his poor credit, poor decisions and another child who likes shiny things to parent?

OP, stay as you are. Any future maintenance issues can go via CMS if necessary and contact arrangements can be sorted in family court in the same way as a married couple if you were to split up and unable to reach a contact agreement outside of court.

Entirely up to OP!

I'm just stating legally how she'd be protected in other scenarios. But yes, probably getting married isn't best for her if she earns a lot/has saved a lot.

[boupdeflouff]

@Queen736

I posted this thread to ask if I was being unreasonable in regards to my partners car situation - thanks to all the posters who have given me some really helpful advice relevant to this and given me the reassurance I needed.

Just to clarify for those who keep bringing up my child and asking why I'm having a child with this man - first of all, the pregnancy wasn't planned. I was actually on contraception which failed. Of course I would have loved to have been married before I had children, wouldn't most people? It just doesn't go that way for everyone! Since we're not married, I have always kept finances pretty separate. Since finding out about my pregnancy, I have always been well aware that he could just leave and not provide me with any support (not saying this is going to happen, but it's a situation I've seen played out one too many times). This is something I did take into consideration when deciding whether to go through with the pregnancy or not.

I have a good career, am a home owner and have been saving up a huge chunk of my salary each month. I also have huge support from my family. I am more than capable of providing for this child should my partner decide to disappear as some pp's have suggested. This wasn't what this thread was supposed to be about but I felt as though some pp's messages came across as though I would be in a completely hopeless situation should I have to be the sole provider for my child (obviously wouldn't be an ideal situation but it something I am able to do).

Back to the car situation... he has now found and bought a much cheaper car and has since apologised for his behaviour.

So glad it's all sorted!

And don't worry about people who nitpick, it happens with every single thread.

Well done to sticking for your guns and standing your ground.

[billy1966]

@Puzzledandpissedoff

Given the new update on OP’s financial situation, is it really that wise to get married to this guy? So he gets a split of all of her hard earned assets?

Possibly not, but it could easily explain why he's pulled back over the car

If someone's hoping their partner's more plentiful money is up for grabs to spend on their "wants" - and the signs here clearly aren't good - it can be a mistake to show their hand too soon

I would not be the slightest bit surprised if this is bang on the money.

I think if the OP stated unequivocally that she has no interest in marriage EVER, she might weed out his true intentions.

Only a complete CF would ever even think of asking a partner to put debt in their name because THEY are already in debt.

Screams CF to me.

HUGE 🚩

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Given the new update on OP’s financial situation, is it really that wise to get married to this guy? So he gets a split of all of her hard earned assets?

Possibly not, but it could easily explain why he's pulled back over the car

If someone's hoping their partner's more plentiful money is up for grabs to spend on their "wants" - and the signs here clearly aren't good - it can be a mistake to show their hand too soon

[billy1966]

@ZealAndArdour

Given the new update on OP’s financial situation, is it really that wise to get married to this guy? So he gets a split of all of her hard earned assets? Her house, her savings? Her financial and emotional security? And she gets what from marriage…a share in his poor credit, poor decisions and another child who likes shiny things to parent?

OP, stay as you are. Any future maintenance issues can go via CMS if necessary and contact arrangements can be sorted in family court in the same way as a married couple if you were to split up and unable to reach a contact agreement outside of court.

OP, good to read your update.

Continue to be financially astute, particularly when your home is involved.

I would be very reluctant to EVER be financially tied to someone who has any debt.

Once you marry things become more difficult to keep separate.

You have worked hard to be financially secure, hand on tight.

So often posters lose what they worked so hard or by acting on their heart instead of their head.

Your baby needs one financially astute parent.

Don't be used.
Best of luck.

[ZealAndArdour]

@GonnaGetGoingReturns

I strongly suggest (have worked in solicitors offices) that you do get married as soon as you can (or civil partnership) as this does protect you if you do split up (maintenance payments, contact agreements etc).

But it's good he's sorted himself out and found his own car.

If it were me, I'd stay in the relationship but just be mindful of the fact that in future, he may expect you to sign loan agreements, bail him out etc. He may not but...

Given the new update on OP’s financial situation, is it really that wise to get married to this guy? So he gets a split of all of her hard earned assets? Her house, her savings? Her financial and emotional security? And she gets what from marriage…a share in his poor credit, poor decisions and another child who likes shiny things to parent?

OP, stay as you are. Any future maintenance issues can go via CMS if necessary and contact arrangements can be sorted in family court in the same way as a married couple if you were to split up and unable to reach a contact agreement outside of court.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Since we're not married, I have always kept finances pretty separate

Very wise of you, Queen

I have a good career, am a home owner and have been saving up a huge chunk of my salary each month

Also very wise - though interesting what he considered it should be spent on

He has now found and bought a much cheaper car and has since apologised for his behaviour

And that's very wise of him (to row back and maybe hope you'll forget what was a disgusting suggestion in the first place)

[MintJulia]

Well done. Good luck with baby.

[GonnaGetGoingReturns]

@Queen736

I posted this thread to ask if I was being unreasonable in regards to my partners car situation - thanks to all the posters who have given me some really helpful advice relevant to this and given me the reassurance I needed.

Just to clarify for those who keep bringing up my child and asking why I'm having a child with this man - first of all, the pregnancy wasn't planned. I was actually on contraception which failed. Of course I would have loved to have been married before I had children, wouldn't most people? It just doesn't go that way for everyone! Since we're not married, I have always kept finances pretty separate. Since finding out about my pregnancy, I have always been well aware that he could just leave and not provide me with any support (not saying this is going to happen, but it's a situation I've seen played out one too many times). This is something I did take into consideration when deciding whether to go through with the pregnancy or not.

I have a good career, am a home owner and have been saving up a huge chunk of my salary each month. I also have huge support from my family. I am more than capable of providing for this child should my partner decide to disappear as some pp's have suggested. This wasn't what this thread was supposed to be about but I felt as though some pp's messages came across as though I would be in a completely hopeless situation should I have to be the sole provider for my child (obviously wouldn't be an ideal situation but it something I am able to do).

Back to the car situation... he has now found and bought a much cheaper car and has since apologised for his behaviour.

I strongly suggest (have worked in solicitors offices) that you do get married as soon as you can (or civil partnership) as this does protect you if you do split up (maintenance payments, contact agreements etc).

But it's good he's sorted himself out and found his own car.

If it were me, I'd stay in the relationship but just be mindful of the fact that in future, he may expect you to sign loan agreements, bail him out etc. He may not but...

[KirstenBlest]

Thanks for the update. Sounds like he's growing up. Best wishes for you and the little one.

[Queen736]

I posted this thread to ask if I was being unreasonable in regards to my partners car situation - thanks to all the posters who have given me some really helpful advice relevant to this and given me the reassurance I needed.

Just to clarify for those who keep bringing up my child and asking why I'm having a child with this man - first of all, the pregnancy wasn't planned. I was actually on contraception which failed. Of course I would have loved to have been married before I had children, wouldn't most people? It just doesn't go that way for everyone! Since we're not married, I have always kept finances pretty separate. Since finding out about my pregnancy, I have always been well aware that he could just leave and not provide me with any support (not saying this is going to happen, but it's a situation I've seen played out one too many times). This is something I did take into consideration when deciding whether to go through with the pregnancy or not.

I have a good career, am a home owner and have been saving up a huge chunk of my salary each month. I also have huge support from my family. I am more than capable of providing for this child should my partner decide to disappear as some pp's have suggested. This wasn't what this thread was supposed to be about but I felt as though some pp's messages came across as though I would be in a completely hopeless situation should I have to be the sole provider for my child (obviously wouldn't be an ideal situation but it something I am able to do).

Back to the car situation... he has now found and bought a much cheaper car and has since apologised for his behaviour.

[ILoveYoga]

So you’re expecting a baby boy in a few months and your partner, who has made poor financial decisions in the past that were bad enough that he cannot get credit, feels the timing is right to purchase an expensive car? Are you sure he is making sound financial decisions now? Surely st this time he should be putting away money for baby expenses and to help you with your financial commitments while you’re on a reduced income due to having his baby?

[Hoppinggreen]

Yes but he wants to use this opportunity to upgrade apparently

[Gardengirl108]

Just curious, is his insurance not paying out for the written off car?

[DeeCeeCherry]

You're having a baby with a financially irresponsible man. Babies are expensive and that fact you're due to give birth shortly yet this man is asking you to sign a finance agreement is a huge red flag.

It's not a good thing at any time but particularly at this time, he's out of order. He sounds like a liability. If he's not got the money to sort himself out now then, how is he going to contribute to supporting his child financially?

I couldnt he asked with Broke Bill who needs bailing out but he's your partner so, just say No. Whats the worst that can happen?

[Miisty]

Don’t do it you’ll be on Mat leave let him save up

[GoodJanetBadJanet]

Thanks everyone. He's currently using the "but I thought you loved me" line on me. I feel very manipulated and emotional and it's the last thing I need while being heavily pregnant 🙄
😡
Do not fall for his emotional blackmail guilt tripping bollocks.

[bruce43mydog]

No No No!

[GoodJanetBadJanet]

Hell no, you're not being selfish!!
Not a chance should you do that, it'll be legally your loan, not his.
If he's so shit with money, how can you be so sure he'll pay you back regularly and on time?!
So much scope for things to go wrong.
Hard no would I ever do that.

[Caelan2018]

Under no circumstances do this I did this and was left to pay back the loan and we were engaged at the time I broke ot off and he fucked off to another country and never repaid the loan bot just he will do that to you but it's just too risky