To think men are still expected to earn more than women (relationships)

[SleepDreamThinkHuge]

Do you think this is still the case in a lot of relationships? Is this still true in countries like UK, USA etc..

Of my 3 significant relationships I've been the higher earner twice. It's anecdotal, and probably not representative.

Not true in my relationship, I earn nearly double what my husband does, have out earned him for many years.

I may not be the norm, but I have no expectations of a man earning more than me.

Ironically though I left my last job because I found out as a woman I was paid less than most of the men at the same grade.

According to an article I've googled in response to this, not only do women still tend to marry up with regard to income, but more educated women do so to a greater degree. (Assuming I've understood it correctly.)

ifstudies.org/blog/better-educated-women-still-prefer-higher-earning-husbands

I dream of meeting a man who’s taken enough responsibility in his life to earn more than I do. I’m not a high earner (just over average) and haven’t met one yet.

Many women go through pregnancy, childbirth, maternity leave, being socially expected to take on the burden of childcare, and school runs and housework, the menopause - a lot of which are biologically unavoidable hits to career and salary progression - so why on earth should a man generally NOT be earning more than a woman?

Wtf no of course not.

Why should a woman be expected to take the burden of housework and childcare? It’s 2022, we also have shared parental leave (in the Uk anyway). Personally I don’t see caring duties as only falling on the woman anymore.

if/when we have children, my husband will probably go back part time to be honest. I also expect him to do his share of the housework now (which he does).

I earn 3x more than my other half.

I think it's hard to find a man who is OK with you having a well paid career when they don't.

I think the question should be why are women still paid less than men, still expected to take on all the childcare responsibilities, still pushed towards ''caring'' jobs, still struggle to find decently paid flexible work and are still less likely to reach the top jobs...

This is why by default men often end up making more money in their career.

I think it's more that women's earning potential is disproportionately affected by having children and other caring responsibilities.

And also that traditional "women's jobs" (bullshit title, but can't think of another succinct phrase) are less valued and well paid. See cleaners, hairdressers, carers and so on. Whereas as jobs like warehouse work and forklift truck drivers earn more.

And there are plenty of men who still believe they should be the breadwinner, based on the frequency of MN threads about men wanting their partners to be SAHM because "they are a mother now".

The usual misogynistic patriarchal bs.

I don’t think it’s expected but I think it’s accepted. Women are more likely to take time out of their career for children or to return to work part time. Some women ( only some) are also very mercenary about targeting wealthy men and aspire to be taken care of rather than aspiring to achieve themselves.

Surely it depends on a lot of factors. I out earn my OH but know many friends who aren't interested in earning more money and are happy to work part time in 'easier' roles that fit around the family set up. Many women who work, for example, in a supermarket will probably have a higher earning partner at home.
Also, many women still take the hit to their salaries and careers to raise children and so will earn less than they partners.

I don't expect them too. But I've been around the dating pool, and when a guy earns lower than what I do, it impacts what we can do etc. it just doesn't tend to work.
Something equally matched is what works best.

a lot of which are biologically unavoidable hits to career and salary progression

That's structural - businesses, workplaces, careers and society that are structured by men for men. It's not an inevitability that female biology should be a barrier to career progression, it's a current reality because of how our society is structured - which is a choice that can be changed.

Things could be done differently to avoid those hits at a societal level, if we stopped acting like human constructs were as fixed as gravity.

I'm the higher earner in our marriage. Coincidentally my husband's first wife was also the higher earner.

In general though it tends to be the other way and people assume/expect the man to earn more.

Lots of reasons. The men tends to be the older and has had a head start. Men are more likely to work in high earning professions. This includes trades like plumbing, construction etc which are lucrative these days. Women are more likely to lower paid work - childminding, admin, hairdressing, teaching, nursing. Again these are generalisations.

Women are more likely to go part time if they have kids or limit their hours and travel even if FT. The career break of maternity leave has an impact.

If a marriage breaks down the mother is usually the RP which limits her opportunities for career progression.

Again a generalisation but men often prefer to focus on their career/ earning role rather than balance it with an equal share of childcare, housework and family admin.

Some women like to feel "looked after" financially.

I just want a man who can keep up with me.

I don't have children, but I've spent my career weighed down with the suspicion that because I have a womb, I must be off on five back-to-back mat leaves soon. If I've dealt with all that crap and I earn what I do, it shouldn't be hard for a bloke to earn roughly as much as me, right?

All the men on dating apps earn significantly less. Doesn't matter if they're a bit younger or a bit older (but if they're older and male, then yes, I'd expect them to have higher earning potential that me, a foreign looking womb carrier).

People will say money isn't everything - well, none of these blokes are fathers, or have spent their lives looking for a cure for cancer. They've just been merrily coasting through life and expect someone like me to fund them going forwards.

I think I'm doomed to stay single, for the simple reason I don't want to be sponged off.

I like being able to take it in turns to buy each other things. I like being able to plan to do nice things together because it's affordable for both. I don't want to be a kept woman. I just want a man to pay his own way and I'll pay mine.

Yes yes

I don't think men are still expected to earn more than women but I do think women are more likely to do their 'due diligence' insofar checking that a potential partner is solvent, has a stable income/career etc. Sadly some men still place a lot of their self worth and status on how much they earn and see their partners earning more as some kind of threat or failure on their part rather then a positive.

Typically, for women as a class, their earning opportunities are hobbled by caring responsibilities and structural inequality. So it's hardly surprising to find that we find a significant number of women either simply arrive in relationships with higher earning partners or that they take a tactical approach to choosing a partner who can mitigate the inequality at a personal level. Are we supposed to lambast them for it too?

I think they also tend to have a very different attitude to life.

Someone earning pin money and living with his mates isn't thinking about the future, and isn't able to comfortably afford the sort of experiences I enjoy (like travel, staying in a nice hotel rather than a grotty hostel). I feel like I've done my time as a student and I just want nice grown up things now.

Might be snobby, but I don't think there's anything wrong with expensive tastes if you can pay for yourself. Trouble is, plenty of men on much lower incomes also have expensive tastes but they can't afford to pay for themselves. And thanks to 'equality', they're quite comfortable with a woman paying for them. Er, no.

I expect it in the sense that statistically men still out earn women on average.

I used to earn more than my husband, then I had 2 maternity leaves (each one was a year) and tricky pregnancies which required some time off. Combine that with the fact that our workplace was a bit biased in how they expected women to behave and my husband now out earns me. Bias aside I'd still expect him to have our earned me by now in our situation as we entered the world of work a year apart, do a similar job and he has over 2 years more experience than me now.

But if the question is do I expect men to earn more because they 'should' earn more / are in some way more deserving? Or that their careers should be prioritised etc... Then no, I wouldn't expect that.

I earn more then my OH.

To the poster saying women take more of a financial hit that highly depends on the relationship. We did shared parental leave with my last pregnancy and will do it again with this one. My partner does half of sick days. I do nursery runs as the nursery is beside my work but the remainder of the house stuff is balanced between us.

I don't think it's expected that women take the burden and certainly not a concept I would accept in my relationship.

I've been the main earner for most of our married life until that last few years

Well I think most woman want a solvent man whereas men didn't necessarily care about that when looking for a partner. However the relationships I see on here with the man earning 6figs with the big job & the woman on minimum wage is not representative of anyone I know. Most women I know earn similar to their partners.

Don't young women earn more than young men now?

Not true in my relationship, but actually given i also do the bulk of childcare and carry the mental load of our lives i think it would actually be easier for him to out earn me. I just happen to be in a well paid profession so my early choices have positivey impacted on our lives. If he were in my profession he would probably out earn me becuase its easier for men to progress. My career has been stilted from having children even though i have almost always worked throughout.