Colleague wasting my entire 30 minute lunch break :-S

[janeve]

There's a lady in my workplace who regularly comes to sit in my office (I eat lunch at my desk whilst catching with social emails or reading the news etc).
I don't have any issue with her at all but she just talks "at" me rather than to me IYSWIM.
Talks endlessly about her cats, and I'm not the slightest bit interested. Stops me getting on with doing my own thing whilst having my lunch break. I prefer to just relax quietly at my desk, read news or phone my husband.
WWYD?

@ShirleyPhallus

"Comes to sit in my office" doesn't sound like the woman is there working already, IMO. Otherwise she would have just said "a woman in my office" or "a woman I sit near"...

Yeah I thought that was odd too. Presumably she saw him 4 hours previous and would again on returning home. What's the need for a catch up...

I should hope not during work hours 😁

@ItsSnowJokes - I don’t get laid for my lunch break either although it would certainly make it more interesting🤣🤣

Headphones are your friend OP.

It's OP's office, she isn't disturbing anyone.

And no one is unreasonable to talk to whoever they want to in their lunch break.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh for an edit button. Sadly I don't get laid in my lunch break or PAID 🤣🤣🤣🤣

No. OP says she doesn't do any talking.

So

"I can't listen to you today!

You need to tell her, X do you mind leaving and shutting the door, I need to make a private call. Thanks see you tomorrow.

She is not wasting your lunch time
You are

Pipe up. Tell her you are catching up on some personal things and catch up later in the day.
Or put it some airpods.
Fake a phone call.
Close your door.
Dnd on door
Tell her to get lost
I dont know.

But speak up.
:)

Put some headphones on. She will get the hint.

You do not need to have them turned on for this to work.

As in your own individual personal office? If so tell her to get the fuck out. I'm on lunch, sorry I'm busy with some personal chores can't talk.

Bring some earphones and say you’re catching up on a podcast

Don't explain or she will want to know details/speak more. For instance -

"Sorry I have to phone my husband"

"Why, is he ill, is something wrong?"

"Sorry, I have to finish off this work"
"Oh I finished mine, are you still on that report?"

"Sorry I want to read my book"
"Ooh, what is it about?"

Best just to say you want an hour's peace and quiet thank you. No apology. Be firm.
If she is still standing there, say "Please go, I want some quiet time, thank you"

The next day if she comes in, repeat that you want some quiet time. If she asks why, reply Why not!

"I'm on lunch, I'll catch up with you later." Smile.

Repeat.

I had to befriend the women and make an effort to react visibly positive whenever she spoke. (I'm neutral resting face, everyone else visibly switched off when she talked).
I went along with it until a trip to another office.
She chatted at me from the moment I arrived at the station, through 3 or 4 personal calls I had to make, and until we parted at the station hours later. Even made us late through her refusal to check details.

Next day I told my manager that i refused to continue and it wasn't part of my job.

I voted that you are being unreasonable because you could just tell her. It's your lunch break.

Way to straightforward for most mumsnetters

needs to be drama or lies

Too

This is my biggest pet peev! I had a fella I worked with who would do this for my entire break used to do my head in but I think He had autism and wasn't very socially aware. He would talk nonsense at me for my break then would enjoy his own break in peace. My job involves being on my feel all day and talking to people- break 20 min break was my downtime and I used to crack up when he was in with me because I knew what was ahead of me.

You have to be rude with these people. They're not right in the head. Be very firm and cold. "I don't want to talk to you. Leave now." They're usually so selfish and dense and obsessed with their latest Minion meme you might need to repeat it a few times, but that's on you.

Don't give them an inch. They're too stupid for nuance. Be really clear.

Agree, I've had one of those and it is a nightmare.

Mine used to "act out" his anecdotes, too -- like make "steering wheel" motions if he was telling me about a weekend jaunt, or "carrying bags into the house" stepping in place with shoulders hunched as though toting a large load, if he were talking about grocery shopping.

It was bizarre and the best thing about Covid is not having to be in the same office as him. Nice chap but totally obtuse to social cues that I wanted to eat my lunch in peace behind my privacy screen.

I used to sit in my car to avoid a horrendous co worker. She used to come and try the door and tap on the glass and bellow at me asking me if I was alright! I used to say yes, I am listening to the radio and chilling. I would shout this and then close my eyes without winding the window down. After three times she left me alone.

Trying to get work done with her around though was a nightmare. I used to lock myself in a room and put a table up against the door to stop her endlessly coming to talk at me.

I stuck that shit for seven years but it paid my mortgage off. I cried with relief when I left and she fucking well jacked a month after me - unbelievable!

It is a form of mental torture. She had rank breath too.

Hahahaha!

Oh god how stressful.

But, YABU for not implementing obvious visual and vocal cues for her to leave. If you're not assertive, just tell her as she walks in "Hi, I would like to take my lunch in peace and quiet from now on, please don't talk to me over my lunch break. I'm sure you understand how busy we are etc...?"

Good luck

If you don’t want to or can’t leave the office then I agree with the headphones idea, but not little in-ear ones. For this job you need massive Biggles style ones. When she approaches don’t take them off just gesticulate wildly at them and your phone or laptop, smile briefly then look away. I prescribe a week of this to break her habit.

Don’t forget, this is Great Britain so on no account say anything directly to her! Instead you must turn yourself inside out in an elaborate dance of avoidance with headphones, pretend phone calls, sudden obsessive interest in the contents of your bag, signing up for an entire Spanish course to avoid looking like you’re free to talk, do this until she retires or you are so resentful that you lose the plot and say, ‘I’m really sorry, I’m a bit busy. Sorry. Is it OK if I just eat a bit of lunch? Sorry”. That’s what I’d do.