Colleague wasting my entire 30 minute lunch break :-S

[janeve]

There's a lady in my workplace who regularly comes to sit in my office (I eat lunch at my desk whilst catching with social emails or reading the news etc).
I don't have any issue with her at all but she just talks "at" me rather than to me IYSWIM.
Talks endlessly about her cats, and I'm not the slightest bit interested. Stops me getting on with doing my own thing whilst having my lunch break. I prefer to just relax quietly at my desk, read news or phone my husband.
WWYD?

"I'm really sorry, I've got a lot on at the moment and could do with a bit of quiet over lunch, can we catch up next week?" or you're waiting for an important call or you have a headache or something. You need to be assertive with these sorts of people.

Mary the lunchtime mitherer has just been murdered.

Can you dose your office door? Or say to her you're on your lunch break, & you need to make some. personal calls.

I've had a couple of those. One would say "urghh, that looks RANK!" while I was eating. She would also say "ooh, very healthy!" if I ate a salad or "naughty naughty!" if I had a packet of crisps.

Another woman asked me how many calories were in the watermelon I was eating, then when I finished it she (loudly) said "wow, you managed to plough your way through all of that, did you??". It was a standard supermarket portion of watermelon chunks Another time I was spreading peanut butter on my toast and she actually reached across my food to grab the jar and look at the nutrition label. I called her Helen the Melon Police for two years but she was fucking shameless so it rolled off her.

Oh Lord, I would hate this Lunch Breaks are sacrosanct alone time for me too

Couldn't you say "Sally, you breathe fire when anyone interrupts your lunch break with chatter. Why do you do it to others when you don't like it yourself?" See how she defends that...

I would take the opportunity to go out sometimes; a change of scene, fresh air and chance for your eyes to focus more distantly than a computer screen are all better for you than sitting at your desk throughout. (Although obviously you can do what you want on your own break!)

The headphones thing is a great idea, just say you have a podcast on and then divert your eyes. To be honest I often listen to music at lunch for this very reason, people do definitely take the hint.

"A formal disciplinary with HR involved for not having lunch with colleagues?"

You can appeal a disciplinary and that wouldn't stand.

If that was me I'd straight out tell her that I need 30 mins by myself to unwind at lunch time or I get too stressed out.
The alternative is to kill her when nobody is looking and shove her in the dumpster.
I have had various human sponges try and and attach themselves to me over the years and I'm not having any of it.

I’m reading this on lunch break in my car

I have been known to tell colleagues that I hate people and need a break though.

“Be assertive”

and just delay her until next week or make up a lie that will only work for that one lunchtime? Not my idea of assertive

just pleasantly say that lunch is your only time to eat and downtime and you like to be alone but nothing to do with her per se

You asked WWYD. If I wanted quiet, private time I would go to a quiet, private space.

YANBU to find the situation annoying

but YABU for expecting to be able to get peace in a shared office and not removing yourself from the situation or asking for what you need. Your time and energy is precious and you need to learn to protect it. Situations like this are a perfect opportunity to practice.

I very much doubt the PP received a formal disciplinary for not having lunch with her colleagues anyway

I’m reading this as you have your own office. If no one else needs access to the room and the door has a lock, use it.

I’ll take a punt @ShirleyPhallus that colleagues aren’t falling over themselves to chat to you?!

Helen the Melon Police

I am claiming that for my next namechange.

The first time I would excuse myself saying that I have a private call with hubby and it is going to be lengthy. The second time I have x to finish and need time to concentrate. You need to be alone. Find her another buddy for noon. Then the last time if she did not get it I would say to her exactly what you said here in a very quiet way. This time is planned time, nobody is going to mess with it, not even the MI5. You need this time to do you. Not her, not anybody else. And sometimes in a very far future, she might be invited in this space but it is not an absolute. As she had used up her time for the entire year she can queue for a 2023 space. In two words F. O. With a smile and a cookie. Prepare your speech. You need this.

Her name was actually Helen too

If your lunch hour is unpaid, it’s none of the company’s business what you do with it, regardless of ‘culture’.

You must have other situations in life when you have stuff to do and can't talk, just treat it the same way: "Sorry, I can't chat today as I have things to do during lunch."

Stay busy until she gets the message, or be friendly and chat occasionally if you want to. It depends how much you dislike her really. Shy and lonely people sometimes over-talk, because they are unaccustomed to conversation; you might occasionally be free and open up a bit if you value her as a person.

You're either upfront and tell her you really need a bit of alone time during lunch; or you go elsewhere.

Put your headphones on, smile and say you are busy and don’t make anymore eye contact

Only in your head.

I swear this comment proves people can get offended about literally anything on here 🙄

Oh god, I once had it put into my appraisal as one of my goals and KPIs for the next year. I’m not paid for my lunch hour yet I’m being judged on it? Fuck off!

Private office: lock the door
Open office: go outside to a bench for fresh air, or big headphones and a scowl. Bonus points for spinny chair so you can just slowly spin away from the annoying colleague.