To ask how many of your social circle...

[TheLostNights]

Are still together/married and if they have kids, how old are they?
I felt really depressed reading another thread where someone said that most couples divorce or split once the kids have reached the end of primary school and that if they are married, the husband will most likely be cheating or up to no good in other ways.
Aibu to say good marriages on the whole are common?
My social circle of friends (About 7 of us) are still happily married and our kids range from 3-12 years. Aibu to say we are not the minority?!

I have done a quick tally of close friends.

We have about 30 couples that we’d consider close friends, comprised of really old ones from our teens, to friends we made at uni, to those we met when at NCT or when our kids started school. We are all 45 to 50 ish. Only 3 couples have split. 2 in the last few years and one 20 years ago.

Almost every couple we know is in a long term relationship. We’ve all be married for yonks and I can’t think of any that aren’t happy.

I have 3 older siblings, all of whom have been married for at least 25 years. Ditto my in-laws.

we have 2 sets of friends, like us have been married since their 20’s, so 25/30 years. I also have lots of cousins who are married and going into 20th-30th anniversaries. No divorces in this generation of our family.

The only people I know that are divorced are those who didn't have kids at that point (whoch is good because I can absolutely appreciate why those particular relationships were right and it made it much less messy). I'm early 30s though so cynically suppose that might change when kids people do have start hitting 18 and heading off to uni. Dh and I have been together since I was 16 (married 7 years) and we still like each other

i am in my 50th of our friendship group of about 20 5 divorces 1 after loss of a child so I think different to the others .. 1 was never a good match in the first place the other 3 more shocked. the rest are still together after 20 + years

Out of my social circle, 40's and 50's, most are married with teenagers with a third divorced or separated. Only one affair.

The majority are divorced by now, including me. My DC was 11 when it happened

There have only been a few divorces in my circles but I know a few other couples where the husband has cheated and the wife has decided to stay (or in one case the wife doesn’t know).

I think most people I know have separated/divorced. Got friends who got married in September after 10+ years together, but split up in May! Having said that, 24 years married for us, 28 years together in total, and our closest friends have been married 30 years. I think for many of us, we're very different at 35/40 than we were at 20, especially women, and some times relationships just don't survive that.

When a friend and her husband split in our friendship group (We’re aged 40 to 50) I was the only one not told initially as I’m the only one not divorced. I hadn’t ever thought about it like that as everyone has a partner. I’ve been with dh 21 years and I’m happy… he seems to be.

Jeeeez, not many who are married to the first partner in my life... But I don't think it's about how old kids are. They don't talk and bottle it all in, then they start doing things alone so they won't fight, get fed up over tiny things and it's just easier to go their separate ways than to actually have a proper conversation.

Have been married for nearly 30 years …marriage is rubbish but bareable!! Cannot be arsed with separating..too much hassle and am certain that husband is autistic so he would not be able to cope with our world being turned upside down!!
We have about 30 married couples in our social group and 2 couples are separated!
Definitely know that a few other marriages have big problems but I think everyone just biding their time TBH !!

Out of my group:

• Two are happily married (one w/ 2 young DCs)
• One getting married next month after 9(!) years together
• One engaged but will probably end it before the wedding
• One single

The AIBU statements you’ve written contradict each other.

Me - early 40s - married 22 years, one almost 18 year old dc together.

Sibling 1 -40 - married 20 years and two secondary school age children.

Sibling 2 - 32 - together 16 years, three children, two secondary one reception, had a rocky patch but still together.

My mother, third husband but married 23 years.

Friend 1 - early 40s - 22 years married, but with two children. One secondary and one primary.

Friend 2 - lates 20s - married six years - two children, one from previous relationship and a younger child together.

Friend 3, 50s, four children all secondary and married 30 years but she's not happy.

Friend 4, 50s, single, teenager child, dad fucked off during pregnancy never too be seen again.

Friends 5, late 40s, single, left abusive man who beat her, two kids, one y7 and other y5.

A few recently separated/divorced, generally no other people involved in split, and mostly women including me left their husband. So on average one couple per ‘group’ of friends - college, uni, school mums. Maybe 1 in 10 couples? I’m in late 40s.

In my close circle 5 couples still together. All met early 20s apart from one who were 14! One couple didn’t marry but had a child at 30 then separated quickly after and another couple separated after having 3 kids as he had an affair. Another circle (mum friends from school , 3 couples) all together. We’re in our early 50s.

DH and I walked into a pub in Towcester, years ago. Ambushed by 4 middle aged blokes who asked how long we had been married, before we were even near bar to order. Getting our breath we said 34 or whatever it was. They all nodded. Then explained that they were all similar and only one marriage, except the young guy.
He was only 28 years wed, but 2nd wife.

Cant remember pub name, hope it still there.

Most people I know are unhappily married but sticking it out for the sake of the children. Am 48.

Im not sure you have asked the right question here… there are lots of reasons why people keep going. Stats would suggest all might not be what it seems in your group in that case. Good luck to you all anyway. X

The vast majority of mine are still together, with kids ranging from just leaving primary to uni age. Really only one split up after they moved away and their kids would have been the age you mention.

Mid 30s - vast majority of my friends who got married in early 20s are now divorced, some with kids, some without. Those who got married mid-late 20s onwards are seemingly happily married.

Rather judgemental! DH and I married at 23 and are still together several
decades later. We both had successful careers, me in Education and DH in international business. We lived and worked abroad for several years and travelled widely as a family. DTs were privately educated and now have very successful careers too.

I am 48 - all dc are teens and young adults. It was hovering around the 50% mark of divorce but now after the lockdown I would say 70% are separated/divorced - a shocking number.

The ones still married - myself included - seem content but this feels like a dangerous moment for lots of friends (dc going to uni) Many women deciding the marriage just isn’t good enough. Only two affairs that we know of,

Looking back it’s impossible to say why, but I would say prioritising your relationship is essential, and not the girls/boys holidays and parties. Paying attention to each other and staying connected. Being affectionate and honest about your true feelings.

Older couples seem to be fine once reaching mid to late fifties/sixties settled.

I'm in my 50s lots of couples still together since schooldays with kids in their 20s and 30s

Most of them! I can only think of one couple who have divorced,out of the 5 couples I know. They all have 2 or 3 kids,aged 23 - 33.