AIBU to my son in additional after school care when I’m at home anyway?

[KarokeandGin]

My children are 4, 2 &1. I work 4 days a week and when my son starts school in September he’ll go to breakfast and after school club twice a week. The rest of the drop offs/pick ups will be managed by myself, my husband and my mum.

On my day off I have the 2 & 1 year old at home. When he gets back from pre school I find it so hard as he never listens or does what he’s told and is constantly annoying/ harassing/ hurting the younger two. I dread the time and just count down the time until my husband is home at 6. One on one he is a dream and his pre school reports are that generally he is well behaved.

would I be unreasonable to put him in after school club on my day off time avoid having all three at once? Or would this be too much (I know lots of children do lots more but it’s different when it’s needed to facilitate a working parent)? It feels ridiculous that I’m struggling with a couple of hours a week when plenty of other people can manage.

I would keep that day free for play dates or extra curricular activities he might want to do.

I don’t think it’s terrible but if the kicking off is rooted in being jealous of his younger siblings time with you it will make it worse not better.

i would look out the book ‘how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk’ and work on getting to the bottom of what’s causing the kicking off

I have 3 so I'm well aware it is hard work but I feel like you are pushing him out a bit. Having 3 is a balancing act at giving them all the attention they need and making your eldest go into full time child care while you're at home with the other 3 because its easier seems harsh. Maybe just one extra day to give you a break?

I have him alone one day a week after school when the younger two are at nursery, we save play dates for then. There’s no way I could facilitate a play date with the younger two there, we don’t have the space for starters sadly

You've had the 3 children so close together, your 4 year old is still basically a baby too but it seems that because you have the two younger ones you're forgetting that, he's probably craving your attention and pushing him away so you can enjoy time with the younger ones might not help that

Sorry if I wasn’t clear. I’m not at home with them all. I only have one day off a week. He will be in school full time in September, I’m proposing sending him to after school club on my day off to avoid having the three of them post school.

I think you should be finding solutions for his behaviour, not pushing him out which he will cotton on to.

Thank you for the recommendation, I will order the book. Do you think he will see it as him being pushed away? I do have one day a week that we wil be together just the two of us after school whilst the younger two are still at nursery.

If this were a man posting saying that he didn't want to deal with all three of his young children at the same time he would have his arse handed ro him on a plate!

Yes YABU. Poor boy.

I'm a parent or 3 and 5-6pm was always a difficult time of day. Once they'd eaten dinner, they were human again but I remember how mad it was.
(3:30-5 was fine because they had a drink/snack then some screen time/quiet time so we're relaxed. )

It's nice that there's a day where it's just him and you

I sympathise op. What i would say is he is so little he will be exhausted ...my 4 year old sometimes fell asleep in the reception classroom.!

Why don't you make that movie time and he can come home have a snack and cuddle up with you on the sofa.

Just really lower your expectations. I genuinely do sympathise its so tough balancing the needs of 3 but he is so little himself. I would just bring him.home and let him chill.

It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that it’s been a year and I’m really struggling with it. It feels like if I don’t I’ll need to go back to work full time, which feels unfair in the younger two

Yabu! What a sad Post

Reception is tiring. I think he needs one day coming straight home from school.

Harsh replies!

He won't know the other two are at home with you while he's in after school club on your day off, so he won't feel pushed out, he won't know any different unless you actually tell him

It's a couple of hours, it will not hurt him in the slightest, and I think you should go for it

He has three days coming straight home from school. I’m only proposing to reduce this to two.

Thank you, I will consider all the responses carefully but it is nice to think not everyone thinks I’m an evil witch for struggling with the 3 alone. He doesn’t know I have the two younger ones at home when he is at pre school on my day off so I agree I wouldn’t tell him

Agree. Think the movie idea and lowering demands is the way forward. Do a quick easy tea and put something he likes on the TV. Find ways to make things easier on yourself with him there but I'd also be wary of him feeling left out if he knows you are looking after the others while he is after school club.

Yabu. Poor boy. Being in reception is vv tiring so I bet your son if anything like my daughter he just want to go home.

Came on to say straight home and more TV than usual.

Yes, I’d do it. I did, in fact.

He's going to be shattered starting school and being in breakfast club and after school club several times a week. Bring him home and let him watch tv.

If you can afford it, I'd go for it. As you say you will still have 2 days with him when he comes home straight after school. Anything to keep your sanity! As long as he likes the after school provision that is.

Depends on whether or not it is a club he'll enjoy or will enrich his education. Like Spanish or recorder club... swimming,,, Or something he'd enjoy. Depends a bit on what school offers unless you're wanting to do a group run elsewhere.