AIBU to my son in additional after school care when I’m at home anyway?

[KarokeandGin]

My children are 4, 2 &1. I work 4 days a week and when my son starts school in September he’ll go to breakfast and after school club twice a week. The rest of the drop offs/pick ups will be managed by myself, my husband and my mum.

On my day off I have the 2 & 1 year old at home. When he gets back from pre school I find it so hard as he never listens or does what he’s told and is constantly annoying/ harassing/ hurting the younger two. I dread the time and just count down the time until my husband is home at 6. One on one he is a dream and his pre school reports are that generally he is well behaved.

would I be unreasonable to put him in after school club on my day off time avoid having all three at once? Or would this be too much (I know lots of children do lots more but it’s different when it’s needed to facilitate a working parent)? It feels ridiculous that I’m struggling with a couple of hours a week when plenty of other people can manage.

Some people on here are being horrible. I'm on maternity leave with baby DD, my very end of August born reception DD still goes to after school club once a week. Before I was on maternity leave (since March) she went to after school club 2/3 sometimes 4 times a week because I (and her Dad) was at work. I do have some help from grandparents but not every day and not every week. Yes she is more tired but I don't recognise this child who'll snuggle down and watch a movie after school, my DD was basically bouncing off the walls til bedtime - slept like a log but the only evidence of tiredness is being grumpy and temperamental, not actual sleepiness. DD absolutely knows she is going to after school club and I'm at home with the baby. If you need to use after school club once a week, it's fine. DD has class friends who are in after school club up to five nights a week because their parents work. I'll admit that's not what I'd choose, but I'm not sure what some PPs suggest the parents do, give up work?

As for his behaviour, they change a lot that first year at school, it'll improve as he grows and matures.

I wouldn't count on him remaining unaware. My oldest was very much aware at 4 of the days her siblings were home with me while she was at school. She would have been well aware that I was leaving her in after school care while her siblings were home with me.

What about PPs suggestion of a movie/TV afternoon?

Of course you aren't an evil witch. People can be so mean. They think just because they had 10 years at home with the support network the rest of us have to be the surrendered masochist mums. They forget we just don't have the choices around work and other things that made their lot easier.

You do what you need to to make all three children as happy as they can possibly be, balancing their needs. How you manage that is a practical question, not a moral one.

Honestly, I’m one if three… my dream before school was to go to nursery as they seemed to have a great time there. Once I started school, with my siblings squabbling like cats, my unfulfilled dreams included being sent to boarding school or run away with the circus 🤣

I think play it by ear, see if he’s tired or matured a bit. See if he enjoys it. Having had 4 kids close in age, I know what a juggling act it all is and if you have an alternative where all can be given time and attention in a more relaxed setting then all good. You spend plenty of time with all 3.

it will get easier it’s just you have 3 very young kids who need a lot of time and attention and you only have 1 pair of hands!

Wow i think there's so many harsh and unkind replies on here. I don't have or want any help with my children but i certainly don't begrudge others who need or want it. If it'll make your life easier and a happier home for that one evening a week then I think you are reasonable to give it a try. I don't think you're showing favouritism to the younger two and i don't think a couple of hours extra a week at asc will make a difference to your relationship with your 4 year old. You Wirksworth 4 days a week with 3 children under 5 so i'd say that's an achievement. Your DS will probably enjoy going to asc (if he doesn't you can obviously address that issue if it arises) and then you can all have a fun weekend together.

'It's a couple of hours a week, it won't kill him, some posters are catastrophising.'

Exactly. My recently turned 5 year old goes to afterschools for an hour a couple of times a week and I have a 1 year old at home. He doesn't collapse with exhaustion or cry about being left out - he's too busy spending an hour doing fun activities with his friends! He loves afterschools and asks to go. I actually feel guilty I can't afford to send him more frequently.

Most parents at his school send their reception age children because they have older children to collect at 3 and reception finishes at 2 and they don't want to do 2 pick ups. I wonder if they're BU too according to MN.