AIBU to my son in additional after school care when I’m at home anyway?

[KarokeandGin]

My children are 4, 2 &1. I work 4 days a week and when my son starts school in September he’ll go to breakfast and after school club twice a week. The rest of the drop offs/pick ups will be managed by myself, my husband and my mum.

On my day off I have the 2 & 1 year old at home. When he gets back from pre school I find it so hard as he never listens or does what he’s told and is constantly annoying/ harassing/ hurting the younger two. I dread the time and just count down the time until my husband is home at 6. One on one he is a dream and his pre school reports are that generally he is well behaved.

would I be unreasonable to put him in after school club on my day off time avoid having all three at once? Or would this be too much (I know lots of children do lots more but it’s different when it’s needed to facilitate a working parent)? It feels ridiculous that I’m struggling with a couple of hours a week when plenty of other people can manage.

I'd be working to support your 4yr old to behave better rather than pushing him out. He's barely out of toddlerdom and reception is pretty exhausting for kids this age, I think he needs more of you, not less.

I’m not sure why you had 3 children if this is your attitude. You’ll never bond with them and will never get this time back. No sympathy for your first world ersatz dilemma. Not even trolling you, genuinely appalled at what some people think passes for parenting.

Op you do whatever works best for you. The replies here are a bit off. Posters saying that he needs to come home and school is tiring are probably the same posters who have their kids looked after from 8am to 6pm

Having 3 small children and a job and a house to run etc etc can be exhausting...

I know parents with 3 or 4 children who have the older child(ren) in after school club while the younger ones are at home. YANBU. Also my DD is in Reception and she has plenty of energy at the end of the school day, your son won’t necessarily be tired out! You can always change your mind either way, see how things go.

All of mine did 5 days a week breakfast/afterschool club. Whatever works for you. Does he enjoy asc?

YANBU. I work 3 days a week and DD is in nursery for 4. I do use that day for creative writing but it’s self-indulgent alone time too, instead of having to role play being a monster for hours on end, or be tantrumed at every time she gets hungry.

He will be tired out after a full day at school; they all are at that age. I suggest you set up a secure comforting routine for after school; a snack and a drink, change of clothes, maybe TV or a walk to the park. Early tea, bath story bed.

You don’t get the time back either way, that’s not how time works. And why would she want this particular time back, which she’s not enjoying and sounds horrible? Parenting doesn’t have to be an endurance test, you’re allowed to make life choices that mean you actually enjoy it.

Because the coil I had put in after my second didn’t work. I’m well aware I won’t get the time back but if it’s tough all round for those few hours after school one day a week I don’t mind missing that time. There’s still the other days and weekends

It’s also that time of day is just VILE! I would let him stay at after school club.
If its what you need right now then it’ll what you need.
also second the book recommendation.

Every stage of your children's lives comes with challenges. You need to learn how to parent them. Perhaps your husband needs to rearrange his schedule so that he can help you more.

I think that's cruel and shows favouritism. Whatever happened that you got pregnant, it doesn't matter. The three are here to stay and you need to focus on supporting your child not push him away.

In that case not such a problem I just remember my full of beans eldest of 3 falling asleep in her tea that feat term of reception.

That would mean you could never meet up with his new school friends after school on your day off-that’s really sad.

If he is hurting, harassing and annoying your own children after school, be prepared that after school club won’t be keen to take him if he’s like that there with the others!

What does he/will he do after school on the 4 days that you work full time?

How does it show favouritism? I have after school alone with him when the other two are at nursery one day a week.

i have no regrets about having 3 children, but if someone on an Internet forum asks you why you had 3 when you’re struggling with them I don’t think it’s unfair to tell the truth.

I work condensed hours one day a week so he will (and already does) have play dates on that day when the younger two aren’t around. We also do play dates at the weekend with his current pre school friends.

I would do it if you think it will help. Lots of children go to wraparound care for 5 days a week and they adapt.

You are getting an unnecessarily rough time here OP.

my son does after school club 4 nights a week and goes even when I am off work (as I am for the next couple of weeks). Because he LOVES it and cried when I suggested he have some time being picked up by me.

maybe he hates me 😂 or maybe he just loves after school club.

there are different standards of AFC’s and there are different types of children.

if he enjoys him put him in! If he doesn’t take him out.

If he likes it then why not, if he’s unhappy then I would reconsider.

But what about your mum or husband having to cope with all 3?

I have 3 and couldn't imagine leaving one out deliberately - yes it's hard work and they often get on each other's nerves but he will start to sense your feelings towards him. Perhaps he's acting because he is attention seeking and feeling pushed out?

They don’t, the younger two are In private nursery so they don’t finish until 6pm on my working days. I wouldn’t ever ask my mum to have all 3 and my husband obviously does it on an ad hoc basis in the same way I do. It would be hypocritical of me to ask him to do it weekly given that I’ve said I struggle with it

i think it’s fine. It’s only ASC twice a week. Mine love it and in fact only going once a week might be more unsettling. Just remember when it’s your afternoon with him and your tempted to scroll your phone or do a chore that can wait that that’s your survival time even if it’s just watching tv together.

p.s kids who’ve been in childcare the whole working day are fine in reception. Yes it’s different but they ease them in

*Special not survival