Feeling sick at how much I’m spending on kids party

[Mum5432]

Can’t really talk to anyone in RL as they will think I’m really tight with money or stupid.

I’m having my first ever party for my son who is primary school age. I looked into lots of options like hiring a hall etc. but it was too much headache as I would have to source the food, entertainment etc. myself and I just don’t have time.

So I booked softplay as I don’t need to worry about anything they will provide everything. I worded the invite very carefully to explain the party will be for named child only and not siblings so that bit is sorted.

but I’m getting really worried about the spiralling costs as I didn’t factor in that my son and his younger siblings count in the list too so it’s £25 EACH just for birthday boy and his brothers and sisters! I’ve also had to invite cousins from both sides as we get invited every year. I’ve also let few close friends bring their younger children as they have no childcare so that’s another £25 for 4 siblings = £100!

I’m really worried as when I planned this with DH I budgeted 6-8 kids from school. Didn’t realise my kids would also have to pay. Plus I have to pay for the adult entry. How the hell do people afford this! The play centre is booked every weekend. There was a cancellation so I managed to grab a spot on DS actual birthday date. It’s ridiculous. Not sure what I’m looking for from this thread.

Cancel it, that’s insane! Blame the play centre, say they messed up on the booking and suggest a picnic in the park or something.

It really does add up, doesn’t it. You need to either pay, cut numbers or cancel. Maybe look for a cheaper option, at home or hire a hall and just do a lot more yourself.

Your mistake was to agree to pay for younger siblings of your friends children. You should have said they are welcome to attend if parent pays for sibling. It is not hard to hire a hall, indoor bouncy castle and make your own food. You could probably have saved £250. Also your son could have invited whole class as very little extra cost per child. But you will know for next year.

Don’t blame the play centre. It’s not fair reputation should be damaged. Tell people he changed his mind.

Though, £25 per child seems really expensive. What do you get for that? And usually if people want to bring extra siblings they pay for themselves but just go into the soft play, not be part of the party.

I get you thinking that the child whose birthday it was wouldn’t be charged, but of course they will charge for any other kids attending, including other siblings. Can your husband stay at home with your other kids?

I think you have just let it get out of hand. It’s runaway with itself so scale it back again.

Birthday parties are very expensive really. A play centre near us is fully booked every weekend. When you book a birthday party with them they completely shut down the whole centre so the birthday booking gets exclusive use of the whole centre.

Sound great but it means that no one can ever go there at the weekends because they have birthday books every weekend all weekend.

Out of curiosity I checked out the prices and they are very expensive, yet people are paying these prices.

Speaking to an entertainer recently he said the whole industry is booming at the moment as people are making up for lost time. People are really struggling to secure bookings for anything right now because there is so much interest but not enough availability to keep up with the demand.

To be honest it doesn’t have to be extravagant. With that number of children you can have them out in the garden or in the park and they would be more than happy.

be Honest with people and say that it is too expensive. I have 4 kids and wouldn’t expect a friend to pay for my 4 and me when it is so expensive. Have a party at home. Do hot dogs and pizza, crisps and cake and a couple of party games and put some music on. Or have a sleepover with Mac Donald’s or pizza and popcorn

Also, play centres do usually charge per head. If you went down the hall plus entertainer route then most (not all) charge for their time.

I can’t cancel so will be going ahead. There’s no time to organise anything else. Gosh if I had invited the whole class it would have been at least £750! Not taking into account the cousins, adult every and others so I’d be looking close to £1000! How do people afford this. Yes the play centre will be closed for all others - it’s exclusive hire. It’s £5 per adult too.

Just to add I suffer from social anxiety so it felt like the less stressful option. I felt with gall hire etc. I would have to do stuff and keep an eye on stuff. With the venue they will have a host

Can you go back to the parents involved and sad you're terribly sorry, but you can't cover siblings? That was a crazy generous offer to begin with.

I wouldn't be remotely offended if I got a message saying taht party costs had spiraled and you were reluctantly going to have to cancel.

Alternatively say something like a 'mix-up' (you don't need to say it was a mix up with your own finances!) means that softplay is off but you'll be doing a picnic at the park with hot dogs and a game of football. Then bring a bunch of cooked hotdogs in foil to stay warm, a bag of buns, and a load of cupcakes. Kids will have a blast.

Yes I agree, if you know the sibling families well enough ask them to contribute? I would never expect to bring sibling for free however I’m not sure I’d be willing to pay £25! Do parents have to stay… if you’ve got family who are there to help you could friends parents not stay and look after siblings. Or the siblings pay normal entrance price and don’t get the ‘party’ bits eg food so you don’t have to pay for them?

The adult cost is ludicrous. Absolute rip off. £5 to sit on a chair?

I did a soft pay party when I was pregnant with #2. It was great as I didn't have to do anything. However it was much cheaper back then.

I'd try to back pedal on siblings. Also, check only one parent is coming. Otherwise it's all gonna cost more than a mortgage payment.

I just did a party in a ball with a bouncy castle and couldn’t believe the spiralling costs. I’d budgeted for the hall, the bouncy castle and the food. But party bags, cake, even buying plates and cups cost more than I thought. I could technically afford it all but I spent so much more than I intended, and the rate in which money was leaving my pocket made me feel uneasy.

Naively I assumed something like a soft play party would be a better option in future years. Clearly not! £25 per head seems ridiculous. If you’ve got exclusive use of the place you’d think it would be one cost however many were there plus a couple quid per head for food.

Can I make a plea to remember children who can't or don't eat hot dogs ? This is so often trotted out as " everyone will eat this" quick and easy food. I hate frankfurters with a vengence my DCs don't know what they are and one is veggi anyway.

Once my DC started school we stopped inviting cousins to birthday parties, there’s too many of them! They did the same too, school friends only.

Also anyone bringing younger siblings is welcome to at their own cost, you shouldn’t be paying for them.

Having said that I’ve only ever done one party each where it was per head, the rest have all been at home parties or at Grandma’s house (they have a pool) I just can’t justify spending that sort of money on a party.

How old are the children? Generally age 6 upwards would be drop and go so parents shouldn't need to stay. You just put on invite drop off at 2pm, collect 4pm or whatever.

It's not the norm for the host to pay for any uninvited siblings. I would message people bringing siblings and explain they are not included in the quote you've had from the place so the parent will have to pay. They'll be happy with that, they shouldn't be expecting you to pay.

Is there anyone you can leave your other children with for a couple of hours to save having to pay for them too?

Wow! That's ridiculous. I paid £160 to hire out a soft play for 90mins earlier this year. Bought food & made up party bags myself and paid £250 altogether. There were 20+ kids.

You need to shop around.

We did a couple like this 15 years ago. It was around a £10 a head then (maybe £12.50 for soft play) do the adults need to stay ? Does their £5 at least include a hot drink ?

Once my DC started school we stopped inviting cousins to birthday parties, there’s too many of them! They did the same too, school friends only.

Actually my Mum did this, we'd have a "cousin's tea" on the birthday itself at homs, but my poor mother had to make a second cake !

If you really can't cancel then can you at least intact the friend who don't have childcare and tell them the venue will be charging £25 for the sibling children to attend and you wanted to let them know in advance in case they'd rather not come in?

If you've got exclusive use then they probably don't realise you pay per child rather than a flat rate for X number of children and will likely not want you to pay that for their child anyway? And it won't be that difficult to keep an eye on the children if you have exclusive use plus a host anyway

Ok so tell the people that it isn’t a flat rate and it costs £25 per child so you will only pay for the child that was invited. They can drop the kids off and pick them up.

Btw in terms of telling the siblings' parents, don't do it apologetically and don't imply you'll be paying if they come.

"Hi Parent, just wanted to let you know that Party Venue will charge £25 for sibling to come. If you prefer not to come we can keep an eye on Your Child during the party."

Wow that is ridiculously expensive! My local soft play charge just over £10 per head including party food for the children, birthday child and accompanying adults are free. Private hire is evening only, no food included but £150 flat fee (so great for whole class parties).

Honestly - I’d look for an alternative venue.

It’s not usual to pay for siblings of guests to come (childcare problems or not), so like others have said, you could politely inform the parents that unfortunately your budget can’t stretch to that but they are either welcome to bring them at their own cost or they could drop the invited child off and then pickup later, rather than staying.

For next year, can you find another child with a birthday close? For DS2's class we tend to cluster into groups of 2-5 kids (we have some twins) and do joint parties so that that 500 quid trampoline place ticket rental for the class becomes actually affordable.